Dear Mr. White Man That I Met At The Renton Starbucks

Hi, Do you remember me? You Mr Old Geiser who so callously walked up TO A TABLE I WAS SITTING AT and you aggressively snatched up a booklet

that was sitting on the table where I was sitting talking on the phone ( with the crisis center) I had two bags of groceries I placed onto the table. YOU came over then you SNATCHED a booklet with all the flourish of an academy award winning actor all the while giving me the most DIRTIEST look saying very rudely “I reserved this table”. And some of you White folks say we Blacks cause trouble? Seems like it is the other way around!

Didn’t handle it well. Obscenity city coming from my mouth. Followed by the good ole middle finger. Hope one day grandpa gets his due! I have a feeling that he will. At least I called him a Bastard.

This must be the week for mean men. May you all play in traffic.

Jesus may love you cause I sure don’t.

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Dear Mr Insecure White Man In Fairwood Renton

Hi, remember me Elroy? I was walking by with 2 bags of groceries in route to send a fax. But guess what boy? The construction truck ( or whatever the heck it was ) was blocking about 3/4’s of the very public walk way. But what do you do while your bullshitting with your buddy sitting on the tailgate of the truck? You cut me a side ways glance out the corner of your eye for whatever reason! Really Opie? You stopped your jawing, I mean running that sewer of a mouth long enough to blatantly throw me some disrespect. You don’t own every damn of public sidewalk. I have the freedom ( or so I thought ) to go where ever I want okay? I realize over in Whitey town you don’t see very many people of ANY COLOR! But its about time that you learn that people do come in many colors. This isn’t the 1950’s Bubba it’s 2019. Women work, we are single and from the gene pool I’ve seen we stay single much longer than expected & that’s okay. Try to have some tolerance. This goes out to you Opie. Learn to be respectful & tolerant and if you don’t I’ll remind you.

Have a nice day & go have a beer for me.

Women I don’t Understand What Makes Some of them so mean.

More issues. This time women & how bitchy, mean, bullying. And I am so sick & tired of you. Sometimes I wish I could give the majority of you a good smack because some of you get on my last nerve! I had my newest landlord scream at me over the phone and why you ask? Someone had defecated on the lobby vestibule then urinated. I was the first to discover the mess on my way to go get my Mother breakfast up the street. If that isn’t bad enough today I’m at the Winco discount grocery store shopping. I finished up early, when what do I see but a couple of women one of which was probably showing off to her girlfriend, she sees me waiting with my grocery basket I’m inside the grocery vestibule waiting for my pick up when she does an obscene gesture very openly which I found offensive. Gay women would it kill you to show a little respect out in public because not everyone shares in your sexually graphic & disrespectful display of humor or whatever. This is why I don’t like them. Now I’m so enraged because I’m tired of the lack of manners, lack of class, hell lack of everything!

Listen it doesn’t take a rocket science to PLEASE show your fellow man and woman some modicum of decency. If you have personal issues I suggest that you deal with them like a grown up instead of traumatizing an innocent bystander. We all deal with personal issues. What really gets under my skin is when people are such BULLIES ! I as a female am real tired of this. Here I am a grown woman, I’ve dealt with so much SHIT! dealing with crazy ignorant types eg: Con artists, the crazies, etc. please go

take care of your business because no one else should have to deal with your toxic emotions! This is why I stay single. I’m really convinced that there is no one very sane. Time to arm up with weapons, learn martial arts. This is the straw that broke the camels back.

Beware Of The Scam Artists!

Hello. I want to address an issue here on the scam artist or the hustler. They are the kind that con you OUT of your hard earned money. Their scams are as varied as Baskin Robins 31 flavors! I say this because these are smart people they gain your trust. Most of you out there sorry to say are not very street smart and most people are just way too nice & trusting. Gullible is the word. There was an incident out were I live were two big hulking young boys ( or young men) were standing right outside a grocery store holding up a sign saying that they’re raising money for their Football team. The two men were standing outside a well know grocery chain ( of which I will never shop there again due to the shady people).

I was somewhat irritated. Here’s why:
I go to the store to shop, not to be conned by scammers trying to make a quick buck. I felt that is what happened right outside the exit after I was finished with my shopping for groceries.

I feel as though these con artists are violating my personal space.

I called the store manager to report them because to me what these two young men were doing just didn’t make any sense, what I mean is there are many other ways to fundraise I know I’ve done them when I was in high school, but not only that, ANYONE can say “I’m raising money for my school” people lie! People cheat. But mostly people lie. The store manager said that it was alright with her if they did this which was stand outside the exit of the grocery store begging for money to (supposedly) raise money for their schools football team ( Riiiiight) she didn’t seem to care. But here is where I had the problem, what I felt the manager was doing was basically saying that it was alright for the two young men to scam people and that was just not acceptable.

I felt that something was so wrong with these two young men holding up signs asking for donations. First: there is the website GoFundMe, another is getting some people together & throw a car wash, have a bake sale ( you can buy Duncan Hines cake mix at Dollar Tree) This just didn’t pass the smell test.

I have another example. Back in the 90’s I used to see crews of young boys usually led by an older man selling poor quality candy out on street corners claiming to send under privileged kids to camp

or

Raising money for the boy’s basketball team. And what these people (usually the older leader) would do is to buy a case of cheap candy at the Dollar Store ( I worked at a Dollar Store) then once that was done distribute the boxes of candy to the crews of young boys were they would of course sell at a higher markup! I was onto this scheme. And this was done for months during the summers up on Capitol Hill in Seattle.

People don’t be so gullible when some young kid ( or possibly a young man) says we need to ask people for donations to raise money for this & that! Start getting suspicious . . What it is is is a huge scam out for your hard earned money. You must be vigilant. I was accused on a website called Yelp of being non supportive to the youth in the community. . I’m not very interested in the youth. But what the youth need to do is to show intiative, as well as put in some amount of work to LEGITAMITATELY EARN money for whatever they need! When I see what I saw at that grocery store about 2 months ago I was angered with those 2 guys who were out to make a quick buck & too lazy to actually work. No one gives you anything!

Where Are My Equal Rights?

I get so tired of the damn propaganda going on for a certain group! When I as a Black woman since the time I could walk have been treated, beaten up, exploited, degraded and no one talks or does a story about me. Want to know my story? I live in poverty right now. Over the years I’ll go through my early adult years all I’ve experienced were sexual harassment of every kind. Wow I never hear about this on any media platform! It has really done a psychological number on me. Guess what? NO ONE has ever taught me a damn thing on just how much I would be loathed, hated, and treated like a sex object and WHY you might ask? The color of my skin because some people don’t get past the skin color ladies & gentlemen they just come to a very prejudiced, skewered view on women of color. It’s true whether you’d like to believe that or not. I can back that up with actual facts on a future blog if you’d like, or you can visit some blogs I cut & pasted on the treatment of Black women. Up to you.

I’m at a point in my life were its still hard! I’m treated like I’m invisible well HELL I’ve always been treated like that going all the way back to my Middle School days and it didn’t stop! When your treated like your stupid or when your intelligence is in question by those in authority ( same thing) I’m sorry but no one is strong enough for that UNLESS TA DA!!!! Someone believes in YOU!!!! That’s right folks. And I tried hard. But trying doesn’t seem good enough in this bastardized world of ours. I’ve been in the military told I should be barefoot & pregnant among other major insults I’ve heard!! I was pretty much degraded. Didn’t stop there folks once I got out of the Army I was still treated like I didn’t matter. Oh what a fun life I’ve had NOT!!!!!! Couldn’t really find suitable employment. I will give you one example of what I went through. In the 90’s I attempted to visit a non profit agency that helps to get people working. Called Center for Career Alternatives. The CCA seemed like a good choice. However once you got passed the main reception area it was a whole nother story altogether. The men who sat behind the desks were impeccably dressed but I felt that their attitudes were extremely of a judgemental nature odd still they were of the same ethnic background as myself but that doesn’t make much of a difference since these guys hate black women even more than non Black men ( Truth). I didn’t feel welcome, but I sure felt a whole lot of COMTEMPT coming from the way that they would look at me! It was a look of anger mixed with hate. Basically no help whatsoever from these idiots & I made the effort to go a few times to give them a chance which was more than I could say about THEM! What I found interesting though was there was this associate of me & my Mother who was in the same boat meaning she was looking for work. I was being nice & told my Mother to refer this woman to CCA. Guess what happened? THEY GAVE HER THE HELP & the lead that led her to her first job & she is still with the company many years later. There is no difference well I mean she was knocked up at an early age , I wasn’t but perhaps the more of a hard luck story you have then the more chances you will have to get help? What do I think major UNFAIR and discriminative! Because I did have such a TREMENDOUS difficult journey throughout my adult life, but no one gave zero fucks about me. When it comes to my life I really don’t have any equal rights. So don’t tell me about discrimination & of not being given a fair chance and please I don’t even want to hear about how because you sleep with someone of the same sex its the same as being a Black woman because it is NOT! the same.

On yet another year I tried the Goodwill Employment & training program. Very, very big mistake. I arrived at the orientation a few minutes late but not much. When OH BOY the woman who was a heavy set black woman ( I am also black) sought to humiliate me right in front of the damn class! I felt so embarrassed ( the Pacific Northwest is really weird it’s why I hate it here so much) She was mean! I had to throw that one in there. I now just stay to myself. I do that because I’ve really never known a kind word from anyone…EVER. The apartment I live in the tenants are okay but that’s different. That’s superficial. I’ve been around a long time & it really looks like I’ll never find those good quality friends! I don’t like the desperate ones who want to latch onto me either because I don’t like people like that. I want smart, confident types comfortable in their own skin and I sure haven’t met that. I really wished I would have made better decisions in my life like going to a military academy were I believe I could have met the right kinds of people in my life, however I didn’t have ANYONE that showed me ANYTHING on how to progress in my life so I could have met the right kinds of people. Childhood was a nightmare I grew up around the most toxic adults imaginable! Now I’m surrounded by equally toxic adults w/o an opportunity to meet a more healthy type of people in a much more healthy environment! I’ve needed that for several years. Hasn’t happened yet!

Getting The Break That Leads To Those Opportunities!

I’m a huge fan of documentaries. I particularly love documentaries showcasing people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds because I am from such a background . I live in poverty, I have an apartment, but money is always scarce. I manage but I have a difficult time. From the time I was a child I have always had it extremely rough. I attended an elementary school that was poor in every sense of the word. 98% Black. No positive role models and when I say this I mean no Police, firefighters or positive professional city officials ever bothered to pay a visit to the school I went to to provide motivational talks with us kids or give us positive strokes. I think I probably went to 3 different elementary schools.

I had watched the documentary the Motel Kids Of Orange County. Came out in 2010. It’s a heartbreaking documentary. I looked up on Google about any updates on the kids profiled. One of the kids profiled who is now a young man in his late teens did make it out of the poverty, drugs, prostitution that he was exposed to , to become a successful young adult and not only that he got many college scholarships thanks to the tremendous help he received from his teacher & others from his high school. My blog is about is how some people get the HELP they need when they need it and others simply just get left out or fall through the cracks severely neglected, to face a world later on that just won’t care about them! Every single child ( especially the disadvantaged) deserves exactly what this young man received.

This young man was homeless with his family there were a total of 4 kids not including the parents who were crammed into a small motel room. Once the documentary wrapped ( according to an online article L.A. Times)

This young man moved many more times, even going into the shelter system then BACK to living in a motel. He was kicked out at 15 over what it is unknown all the article mentioned was a family disagreement. This young man then had the opportunity to stay with a friend with whom he opened up to about his situation. He was able to stay with his friend until he graduated.

Also this young man was able to get mentoring, and a good deal many other resources to help him through school. He also got a job and worked his way up to a marketing director. He now has his pick of colleges and a great deal of money to go along with it. I’m happy for him.

My issue is this: The help that was given to this young man who is now 18 years of age should be available to every child! Here are some factors which worked in his favor:

He was in a pretty good school district Orange County California ( O.C. is a good + well to do area)

He is male

He is White

He was in the right place at the right time

What everyone needs to understand is that there exists and always has institutional racism. You can go Google that but it exists in the public school system. When I read about this young man and his success I thought to myself what could I have done different to have had some success ? Because I struggled in school BADLY! And I had thought that I was too far gone to even be helped I felt this way because:

I was ignored

I was called “stupid” by other kids, and treated w/o dignity by some of the teachers. I think this was due to a learning disability ( true story)

No one at school including those teachers seemed interested in helping me.

And it’s not just that, there is a “bias” against children of certain races.

At home I was tormented & abused because I had learning difficulties in school. The Step Mother always shamed me over this, and her relatives shamed me over this. Again & again. There were always negative talks and of course the more negative comments of : “Your lazy” or “You don’t try hard enough” speechs that were such torture I would want to jump over a bridge. Those talks really gave me a headache ( remember I’m a young child!)

Most teachers in the public school system just expect LESS from children who are non white. But what most teachers fail to understand is that its more complicated than that! Home could be UNSAFE! Psychologically it can mess a kid up (as did with me)

Most teachers that teach ( HA) basically don’t care about the students with which they teach. I know because as a child I witnessed first hand how teachers would treat say a non white student. Send the boy STRAIGHT to the principals office without even BOTHERING to talk to the kid. I’ve seen verbal abuse from a redneck teacher with Vitalis in his hair ( real greasy with a part to the side) to a non white student, this was when I attended John Burroughs Middle school in Los Angeles. The teacher who taught print shop ( I have no idea WHY I was put in this class??) gave us 7th graders a somewhat complex project to do. I couldn’t do it right, but there was a boy who was in the same class he was African American the teacher ( who was White) basically berated him & his project ( I think the jerk teacher even snatched the project then threw it in the trash can!)

If your a minority you REALLY need the support of family & friends to pull through! There is such a huge disparity between how some students are treated and I strongly suspect teachers of using a sort of caste system to determine WHO gets a break and WHO will NOT!

I’ll give you another example. I read a book about a now grown woman who is a successful attorney ( in Los Angeles) she came from a disadvantaged home, was in & out of Juvenile Hall. She happened to be good at math, this girl ( White) was given a break that break led to many more doors of opportunities that opened up for this girl. That’s all it takes everyone! Someone to help you to open up doors of opportunities, someone who will mentor you. EVERY CHILD NEEDS THIS! But they don’t receive it. Sometimes teachers don’t even respect the kids they are in charge of.

I never had a mentor. I mean I showed up for school but guess what? I was being brutalized at home and what the end result to that was a life time of severe depression & PTSD. I felt PARALYZED! But no one paid me any attention & I had such low self esteem that you would need a shovel to dig it up! Although I’m happy for the very fortunate young man who was profiled as a young boy in that documentary I just wish that the same doors would open up for every child. But sometimes life is just not fair for certain people.

I only wished I would have had those same kinds of opportunities available to me. The public school system really needs to cease being so lopsided.

I WANT The Hate Towards Me To Stop!!

I’ve reached my boiling point with how I’m treated. I’m going through a lot people. Back in 2017 I will call her a 2nd generation ( or perhaps undocumented) immigrant scream racial slurs at a former apartment which I still have not gotten over. I’m so tired of the LGBT community whining how no one treats them with dignity. I am sick to death of them its why I’ve disavowed having anything to do with them any gay women & working solely on myself. That community is dead to me now. If I were given an opportunity I’d tell them be glad that they aren’t a Black women were everyone hates on you. I have a dream to one day live outside of the USA forever. I want to spend my last days in Switzerland. I hope to reach that dream. The Pacific Northwest is the most ugliest place.

However since I have moved to a new apartment further South it seems bearable.

Another update: My Mother is in ill health & hospitalized. Pneumonia for anyone that reads this will you pray for her?

I’m so upset & sad that I’m breaking out in rashes all over my body. It’s not fun. I haven’t had this happen since I was a very young girl of 9 when rashes were all over my body and oh how those kids made fun of me at school.

I’m doing terrible. I need a friend, and lots of prayers.

MGTOW

There is this mens movement its MGTOW and it stands for Men Go Their Own Way. To me this movement seems every bit misogynist and I’ll tell you why. I’ve been watching YouTube regarding this movement, and from what I get from listening to this poison is that women are to blame for everything wrong with a man. Women want money from a man, women do this & do that bad. To sum it up women are bad people. As a female I take extreme offense to this! I’ve been on this earth a very long time. I grew up with a Mother who was sweet, kind, and a true woman in every sense of the word. But gradually she was physically & mentally beaten & controlled by a man who was in EVIL! I was witness to this as a child. Women are treated very unfairly in this world! To me the way in which women get treated is beyond reprehensible! Not only do women actually die e.g. get murdered by abusive Husbands that’s just one way ( and THE reason I NEVER wanted to walk down the aisle) but women get treated unfairly in the job market, women earn less (way less) and always there is the discrimination, sexual harassment. I know only too well because you know why? I’ve experienced it! ALL OF IT! I know how men are. Men treat women like pieces of meat! So this MGTOW can go to HELL!

There is a lot to men that women need to know the majority not very good. And basically before any woman commits to any man the woman should get the man checked out very thoroughly. Having grown up watching my own Mother get used, abused, and then made a fool out of not to mention not get her fair share of money after her divorce taught me many things. And that one is you can’t trust men.

Hate Seattle!

Okay so there is a snowstorm and Seattle has lost its mind, its like “what do we do were in a snowstorm”! I haven’t been able to do anything which is frustrating because I want to get to my vocational rehabilitation appointments that will help me get back on the road to being employed! I can’t do that without major help as I suffer from chronic mental illness which has been a barrier my whole life. I have no family support that sucks, so no one to check up on me, sucks double! I’m even deprived of the trash tv during the day ( when I don’t feel like watching the MANY dvds from the library) because there is endless blather on the news about the SNOW!!!!! I have been trying to make myself as happy ( not happening) or have the situation be bearable as possible by watching British TV on dvd. If there is anyone a fan of Midsomer Murders please hit me up & CONTACT ME! I would love to have a conversation. My readers from the U.K. I do get some from time to time contact me. I had a fight with Mom over the phone telling her how unhappy I was when I was a teen living under her roof. Don’t know how it came up I guess I was tired of pretending how everything is alright which nothing is alright with me ( I suffer) then when we first spoke it started with how her neighbors shoveled her stairs (she has many that lead to her car) and she went on & on about how nice that was. I was too depressed & resentful(because I couldn’t go out to take care of my business) then I somehow got on topic about there are no nice people & how I really haven’t experienced enough of it in my life and for any extended length of time. I have had one online friend show me kindness but I wanted more than what she could provide online friendships don’t do it for me, I need physical friendship. I then mentioned how depressed I was as a teen. And I didn’t even bring up how she would scream at me or threaten me with violence I intentionally left that alone & did not go there. As a rule one should never mention to a parent that abused them how sad their kid was because most parents that abuse their kids never admit to it later in life that is if your lucky enough to survive & not land in trouble once your older. I think its called gaslighting (google it) So that ended on a bad note.

That’s it for now. I’ve been living on pasta, instant ramen and cream of wheat. Most unbearable.

Christmas Sucked!

Spent it alone,   you all out there just don’t realize just how good you have it with your friends, the person you lay in bed with at night, family.   Basically you make me sick.   I don’t have any of that!!   And I know that you all out there don’t wish to read something like this.    Too bad.   I f I could I would smack the taste out of your mouth. 

Nothing like spending A Christmas day alone to drive yo literally INSANE!   Bluntly!   I understand why people jump off of bridges, I really do.   Because this is a World that JUST DOESN’T CARE!!    But hey you all could care less because you think that it can’t happen to you right?   Let me try to express to you exactly HOW I FELT!   If you even care which I know you don’t.

It is the MOST hollow feeling in the whole wide world.   Your depressed ( and I take meds and have for 3 years) when you have no money its 1000% worse.    You all are so selfish do any of you even think to send a Christmas card to someone who IS ALL ALONE!  But of course you don’t.   You could care less.    People like you I hate!   You really do NOT think about someone who is really hurting do you?   Please take at LEAST SOME time to think about this.    Now excuse me while I lick my ever festering wounds:(