How about kind words to those of us who struggle through life.

Something has been bothering me for several years now, and all I’ve had was plenty of time to think about it.

And that something is this:

Why are so many people in this World so goddamned mean to one another?  Here in the Pacific Northwest were unfortunately I live for right now anyway, it seems that no one is nice here.  Is that particular part of their overall gene in their personality missing?  I’ve  been on the receiving end of many a persons wrath or hatred for over 20 years, since my friends all have but passed away.  I lost a good many to the AIDS epidemic before there were the med’s to slow down the virus.  Let me tell you dealing with a lot of death as I have & with no one to support me through my many times of grief has a tendency to change a persons outlook on life.  It’s left me to this day very depressed because these were great guys, one couldn’t ask for a better set of friends.  People now?  are just full of hate!

We live in a very xenophobic society in 21st Century America, in addition to all the gun violence, the organized criminal gangs in almost all 50 States in the U.S. and racism, bigotry.   I don’t really see any tolerance going on, but I do see a lot of bigotry that is for sure.  The years have blessed me with good looks, however the older I get the worse this once fun & vibrant World which seemed to offer all kinds of possibilities is now one big cauldron of hostility.   How I cope is that once I get my AA degree I want out of here & get myself to one of the islands of Hawaii .  It’s the farthest I can get without leaving the U.S.  want to go where people are friendly,unbiased, and the great weather would be a welcome from the dreary days + people of the Pacific Northwest.  For me it’s all about working the master plan to get up out of this mess of a City.   I want a more congenial environment one that include people who don’t view you with suspicion when you first meet them, leaving you to think did I do something wrong here?  I have to say that where I live it seems to matter little if you have a good moral compass, are blessed with strength, good character, and inner & well as outer beauty, the people I’ve come into contact with seem to be cursed with an inner self loathing that is always projected outward to anyone that comes into close proximity.   I know because I’ve experienced just this kind of problem all the time, all throughout my adulthood.  With the exception of my guy friends who are no longer on this Earth.  So, I basically have withdrawn into myself.  Sure there are some people who I want to meet in just the right setting i.e. a classy party, yes I said classy, I hate those kinds of parties that are rowdy with lots of drinking, and crass folks.   I like receptions, the Opera, or any kind of performing arts setting.   Of course I really can’t afford stuff like that so I’m left to keep myself entertained on a very tight budget.

I stay to myself.  I think to myself why bother?  All I’ve gotten is the same old tired excuse from people I’ve wanted to befriend the excuses are as varied as the people themselves.  The most common one is:

I’m busy”   Most of the people with whom I’ve wanted to get to know seem to already have reached their particular quota of friends whatever the hell that is and will just say so brushing you off with the same indifference it takes to brush a strand of hair away from your forehead.

OH and let us not forget the women who is in a relationship.  Can’t be bothered either else the ever watchful girlfriend gets real nervous thinking the two of you might up & runaway together.  No one besides myself of course ever seems to realize that its really,really hard to meet ANYONE, and with the ever present clicques which are tighter than a snare drum it is really impossible to gain entry to even make a damn friend.  It was like I told my Mother one day when she came over for her Sunday visit I says to her:  “Mom its as though I don’t know the secret handshake”.

If I may offer some advice to those of you who act more stuck up than the Queen of England , stop & say hi to any person, because I GUARANTEE you’ll make that person’s day.  Trust me when I say a lot of us out here in this cold & cruel World aren’t living as well as you are, we toil & struggle many of us are barely getting through the day, especially if one lives in a town not really known for its friendliness.  Stop & show an act of kindness instead of acting judgmental & intolerant.   Will you TRY & do that.  And when you see me on the street be respectful, ask me how my day is going we don’t have to even be friends or anything, but you know what?  You’ll have done more for me than what you’ll ever know.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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