Is There Any Equality For Women?

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been treated less than because of my gender.

Being female I feel has been one big fat CURSE.  I’m reminded of the year 1971 I was in the 3rd grade attending Wishire Crest elementary  a school that struggled with its finances.   So much so?  That the Teachers in their not so great wisdom adopted the idea of peer tutoring were the students tutor each other.   It was a disaster, I mean really!  all the students are in school to LEARN!  and not play teacher.  But that was the lame intentions of the ever so obtuse staff at my former elementary school.

One day I was being tutored by a boy who was one grade higher than myself.  I had a learning disability but of course back when I went again the adults just didn’t get it.  Anyway I was struggling to figure out a math problem…I mean I just couldn’t understand it.  It could have been that the boy helping me had all the personality of a wet dishrag & extremely ornery.

Boy you sure are stupid”  was the assholes comment.  And everyone it has went from worse to MUCH WORSE.  Boys are terrible tutors, but my interactions with the opposite sex has been to put it mildly terrible.

Men can be misogynist .   I remember on so many occasions through my whole life being treated horribly by men.  There were the dirty looks, the rolled up eyes whenever I would try to be friendly.    From an early age?  I learned not to like them much.   The biggest one is that they are truly arrogant & they think that they know every damn thing!

Well I’m here to say that they do not!  Some are actually real nice but there aren’t enough of these kinds of men.   Men earn more than women, there are still areas where it is predominantly all male.   The field of journalism is one area.

As far as I’m concerned men throw their weight around way too much.   We women are far more superior believe me when I say we are the stronger of the two genders.  You men may have the strength…but women possess a far greater strength our BRAINS.   It is here that we reign superior.  

For women to gain a foothold in equality we have to do for OURSELVES!  Lets run our own businesses create our OWN equality because lord knows we sure can’t depend on these men because they don’t want us to advance.   Women are not put on this Earth to serve a man.   That’s anachronistic bullshit.

All women deserve to prosper & we deserve to call all the shots when it comes to our own lives.   Also to never kow tow to any man who is demeaning to us. 

The History of Men..In Relation To How They Treat Women

I just woke up this morning & the first thing I always do is turn on my laptop.

Even right before I make my morning coffee.

I immediately went to my email page which is Yahoo and heard the best news in a while.

That those ….football members of the Steubenville Ohio high school football team were GUILTY of the rape of a young intoxicated girl.

HALLELUJAH!

I just had to write about this on here.

I am a female, I never ever wanted to marry having watched my own Mother get brutally beaten & for many years.  Not only beaten, but treated in the most cruel way a person can be treated.

Have any of you ever went to bed hearing your Mother screaming for a beating to stop?  I have.   It’s most horrendous type of experience and I haven’t forgotten.  Those memories still haunt me to this very day.  No child or anyone else for that matter should EVER have to go through what I did.   It’s very traumatic.

Mom & I had to finally flee with our lives out of the State we had once lived in.  Scariest moment in both of our lives.

Is any of this making you feel uncomfortable?

Too bad!  Think how it made me feel!  Think of my poor Mother Betty.

SO! As the years progress and I get older I notice that the men & how they treat women doesn’t improve, it has only gotten WORSE!

Not all men are this way because there are some good & kind men out there, I mean look at Prince William.

I’ve notice & experienced it myself the ever deterioration of how men treat women.

To some of you we seem to be play things that you can just discard after your through

I know what I’m talking about because as a younger women I was constantly sexually objectified by men & not seen as a human being.  Instead just a piece of meat,

Oh I know how you men operate, I know the M.O. if you will.  Your all nice & sweet as pie but at some given time say when your around your OTHER male friends perhaps you’ve taken too much to drink then the werewolf in you starts to take over.  Or as I like to put it you completely crossed over to the dark side.

Some of you see a defenseless young girl & this goes to the young boys then you feel its okay to violate her.  Now here is the question that damn near everyone asks of you

What if this were your own sister?

And to you men that aren’t in high school who prey on women young & old like it was sport  I have this question:

Did whoever raise you ever teach you anything about HOW YOU SHOULD TREAT WOMEN?  Or did that lesson get skipped in your upbringing.    Makes me wonder sometime.

So comes the day when men walk down the aisle with their betrothed to pledge their eternal love what happens after the wedding & honeymoon are over?   And reality sets in.

Out comes the very real DARK SIDE.  You start to view your Wife who your supposed to love & cherish & turn her into a slave who is supposed to cook, clean, and F**K when YOU want.

You abuse her and say stupid things like “Well SHE made me mad”   To you men out there, let me ask you this why oh why do you look to BLAME others meaning the women your with & not look to yourselves as being ….THE PROBLEM?  Yes that’s right let me spell out for you.

Women were not put on this Earth to serve you.   Got that?  Probably not, because your gender does tend to be a whole lot ignorant, chauvinistic.

Domestic violence, rape, violence again women are still ever present and always was since I can remember.   Anyone out there know who Sharon Tate was?

A beautiful actress who was butchered & she was 8 & 1/2 months pregnant.

I was 7 years old living in a very upscale area of Los Angeles when the news trickled down to me.  I say trickled down because I had overheard my Mother who was a young Mother & devout Catholic scream from her bedroom,then was on the phone calling her Husband my stepdad to come home.  I heard the rest from my Mothers TV coming from her bedroom. To say that I was completely terrified would be a gross understatement I had heard way too much for a young little girl and what went through my young mind was visions of being next since this happened in the very same state that my Mom, stepdad, and myself had lived and no one knew yet who committed the acts or where the guilty party were.  Although I didn’t understand much I knew what the words “murdered” & dead meant when associated with someone’s name.

About 2 months ago I did learn the full story about the Tate crime  which was the  the most gruesome murder in the history of U.S. crime. Heinous in every way that the  murderers carried it out the crime and just the all around disregard for human life as well as how these monsters made the victims suffer especially Tate & Folger. Once I read the story behind the Tate murders in the summer of August 1969 I was devastated with the utmost depression & sickened to my stomach as well as severely heartbroken about the suffering at the hands of the Manson family.  I was depressed about that crime story for almost two months and I’m just now beginning to come around.   In our society we have that live among us now & in previous decades real EVIL BEINGS that care NOTHING about the evil &  wicked things that they do to another human being. I read the entire crime story, I saw  those gruesome death photos which were by accident the photos were arranged in a collage of the most gruesome images that I’ve ever seen in my lifetime  while  I was researching the Black Dahlia murder,   all those crime scene death photos on the internet  of  the late Sharon Tate and  that of her friend murdered at that same residence Abigail Folger great granddaughter of the Folger coffee magnate the viciousness made me cry but I’m glad I finally knew the story.  Those images are still burned in my mind now, and its prompting in me a burning desire to devote my life towards womens causes.  And behind that gruesome,evil murder was a vile psychopathic Monster of a man who thought he was God!   Its always at the hand of a man that a woman loses her life or if she is lucky enough to live & not many are given that option,  the woman loses her sanity.   Some World we women live in Huh? Women of the World we must all learn how to protect ourselves from evil people who wish to harm us!  We must be fighters, we must be warriors and have the attitude of:  “Motherfucker, so you want to harm/kill me you’ve got the wrong person!  Time to TEACH YOU A LESSON”.    As women we are not raised to fight, we are raised to be young ladies, to be polite, to smile, to not get angry.     Well let me tell you sisters: Although its okay to be nice & all that, we also must adopt a sort of alter ego of one mean bitch who will FIGHT when called on to do so.  Being naiive & passive is a very dangerous thing.  We women must be vigilant, and let some of those people of the creepy criminal element who coexist in our society know that we are not to be fucked with.   Its just that simple.    We must condition ourselves not to live in fear, but to be psychologically ready at a moments notice when danger knocks at our door, which could be at anytime.

I am somewhat lucky because I was raised by a mean & foul tempered Stepfather who was an ex Marine he was a brute & abusive as well.   That man although a true psycho did teach me, the author of this blog you now read how to be tough cause the World won’t show you mercy in the times of danger.   Thank God I didn’t turn out like him, I did inherit his temper which I’m trying at this time to get some quality mental health therapy over.

I’m tired of crimes against women, I’m just sick to my stomach at how another human being can even DO SUCH A HORRENDOUS ACT, and it can happen to women of ALL RACES!  Men you better learn how to respect women.  Stop trying to play God cause your not.

To all the Fathers out there teach your sons how to be real men & show them that women are to be treated like the goddesses that they are.  Single Mothers do the same with your son’s because if you fail in this, I’m afraid that they will only serve to cause casualties.  The World needs REAL MEN who are up to the challenge of living morally & respectful of its women.   This is of the utmost urgency everyone!

Because we are goddesses & not some piece of meat to have sex with.

We are not to be demeaned.

We are women.

Precious

Beautiful

We are to be respected

Now think on that!

PTSD from August 6,2010

I’ve traveled extensively throughout the early years of my adult life.
I’ve lived in:
South Carolina
Virginia
Colorado Springs Colorado
Los Angeles California
I’ve been to:
Hawaii
Canada
New Orleans Louisiana

I’ve been to Europe twice

Served in the U.S. Military for 4 years which was the toughest enlistment job in my life.

And do you want to know something? Never have I experienced the kind of racial hate as I have while living in the Pacific Northwest of Washington state.
I’m not kidding. Living here has caused me such psychological scars I’ll be in therapy the rest of my life.
In 2007/08 I walked into a KFC chicken restaurant because I was hungry.
It was early in the day the sun hadn’t even set.
So, I walk up to the counter at the local KFC over in West Seattle over on 35th & Avalon and when I go to place my order the clerk behind the counter is giving me a serious MAD DOG stare.
Real evil.
She proceeded to squint her eyes & for whatever reason only known to her? She seemed to want to challenge me, or kill me I don’t really know I didn’t ask her.
How I handled it was I just stood there & gave her what I think was a blank & stoic stare.
She didn’t really scare me I just kept wondering why this woman was giving me a real dirty look like I just called her Momma out.
No idea.
So I place my order then go to sit down.
Right after I go to sit down, I notice an elderly white man enter the establishment
And guess what? The woman behind the counter was just as sweet as pie to him.
I’m African American intelligent,nice
The woman behind the counter was latino & her forearms were semi covered in tattoo’s.
Lesson learned?
Blacks aren’t liked real well by some in the latino community. I already had knew that.
I’ll leave it at that.
Which brings me to a bus ride on the afternoon of August 6, 2010.
While riding the bus out to my Tae Kwon Do lesson there was this young woman I later learned that she was a young woman because she looked like a young 12 year old boy complete with heavy jowls like that dog in the classic Bugs Bunny cartoon & she had a CREW CUT.
She was real ugly.
So, this bride of Frankenstein first starts growling like a wounded animal, followed by yelling obscenities to another person which I later learned was her Mother.
This kept up for some 15-20 minutes while the Sound Transit bus was traveling along I-520 on a warm summer afternoon.
I remember that somewhere along the route the bus driver turned his head around while he was driving to warn the offensive aberration to calm down.
It didn’t do any good. And it got WAY WORSE, because after a few minutes had gone by this little wild thing was now violently beating the windows of the bus with her fists & forearms with such force I was certain that either the window would shatter or that she would completely knock out the entire window out of its frame, like you see with the windshields after a serious car accident.
She still kept up her obscenity filled rant.
I had been sitting up towards the front of the bus, the Ogre was sitting about 5-7 rows behind me. I had thought that the Movie The Exorcist was filming at the back of the bus.
All throughout this time I was listening to a CD. A CD on relaxation if you could believe that.
At least I was trying to relax & listen to my CD on my portable CD player.
Needless to say I didn’t get much relaxation that day.
Having had enough of this bullshit I got up, turned around & faced the Mother and simply said in “Mom you’ve got to get your son on some Med’s” The Mother corrected me & said that what I thought was a boy (jowls the size of grapefruits,crew cut & UGLY) was actually her Daughter.
And let me tell you all out there reading this: Linda Blair in the movie the Exorcist? had nothing on this pitbull of a female.
Her entire face CONTORTED WITH RAGE.
But that wasn’t the worse part.
She began screaming at me from her seat this:
“YOU NIGGER(She said this several times_
“YOU WHORE” (Said several more times)
‘YOU FAT BITCH” (ALOT)
‘I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL STAB YOU WITH MY KNIFE”
This pitbull or the spawn of SATAN as I like to refer to her
kept this up for a few minutes and let me tell you that this person
packed ALOT of hate in those few minutes.
Now, I know what your next question will be.
What was I doing?
I stood stock still in complete & utter SHOCK!
I was simply caught off guard and perhaps this was a good thing
Because I really regret not hurting her and badly no matter what the outcome.
So, there are people on this bus & of course they do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Can’t say I blame them. Actually yes I think that they were pretty cowardly.
By now the bus driver has pulled over to a nearby transit center, it was the Overlake Transit Center on the border in the town of Redmond.
He instructs all the passengers to get off the bus and to catch another one which he assured us would come just momentarily.
I was still in shock.
I walk over to him and straight up ask him the question:
“Should I stay or get off the bus”?
The bus driver says to get off the bus.
I was still in shock, I was still processing what had just happened to me.
So, I get off the bus with the other passengers, not one of those sad sack’s even asked me if I was alright. It FIGURES!
So, I’m walking maybe 10 feet over to the bus shelter when I turn around & notice the Redmond P.D. pull up at the rear of the bus & exit their car.
I turned around to walk up to the first cop who was about to board the bus. Now by this time the only people left on the bus are:
The bus driver
The Hound of Baskerville
and
Her basket case of a Mother
I approached the Cop and said
“Officer there’s a woman on the bus who threatened me”
The Cop says:
“Oh we know her she’s done this sort of thing before”
Then he kind of waves me off.
Now, I’ve got to say that I was MAJORLY confused!
I just didn’t know what the hell was going on, I didn’t know what to do
next.
So I got on the next bus.
The Cop I spoke with was so blasé he acted like he just didn’t care. Another thing that struck me as odd was what the Cop said:  “Oh we know her, she has done this sort of thing before” .   REALLY?  You mean to tell me that screaming racial slurs is common place for Satan in training! Thanks for taking SUCH concern that my life was in imminent danger Officer redneck!
Like the woman on the bus was a toddler who wouldn’t mind her Mother.
I feel that he just DIDN’T LISTEN!
When I boarded the bus, I could feel my blood pressure go way up, I was extremely upset & no one asked if I was alright.
It felt like bile was rising up out of my body but somehow? just wouldn’t come up.
I felt sick, disgusted and whatever else worse feelings you get when your called a lot of racial slurs & threatened with DEATH!
Once I arrived home later that day, I threw my backpack all the way over to the other side of the room.
Once I processed what had happened I called Redmond P.D. to file a complaint which I did 2 days later. I had lived on the opposite end of the town from the town of Redmond.
The Cop who interviewed me treated just like a second class citizen.
He was with no emotion, then he asks for MY ID! My guess is he was checking to see IF I HAD A RECORD.
It figures, I’m African American so hey, I’ve got to have a record right?
Basically he was the same bland,stoic expression just like the day before last.
If you were to ask me now I would sum it up that the Redmond cop seemed bored & why not he is a white cop
I’m sure that he could have cared less about what had happened to me.
Hell, no skin off of his nose right?
I have no regrets how I handled the situation.
But I do have something to say to the offending aberration of a pitbull
HEY DARIA YOU RACIST PIG
Go straight to Hell
Do not pass go!
Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope the next time Daria that you yell racial slurs
& yell out death threats?
That there is a gang member nearby & I hope then
THAT YOUR PUNISHMENT GETS DOLED OUT
appropriately.
Stay real ugly my little PITTBULL! Oh & Daria do us all a favor the next time you step out of the house, try a brown paper bag, that’s to put over your hideous head…that way sweetie you’ll be just a little less offensive then you already are!

Meeting or Making Friends? Kind Of A Nightmare For Me.

Hello all who read thanks for taking time from whatever your doing to read my blog. 

My blog is about trying to meet people.  I’ve been around a very long time, I’ve traveled a lot in my earlier adult years, served in the Military which wasn’t easy being female not one bit.  I’ve a wealth of life experience which have gone a long way to build my character.  I don’t possess a College degree but hey its never too late to do that, I’m still a work in progress on that one.  Fell through the cracks in the Public school system.  Yeah, it truly sucked!  I can say with all honesty & bluntness for which I’m now known that those Teachers I had just didn’t give a damn about me & other kids who struggled not only with school but with what was going on at home.  And I’ve got to say it drained me of any self esteem I might have had, once I barely graduated High school I was ill prepared mentally,psychologically for the real world I was to encounter.

So, fast forward to my adulthood…..I’m absolutely LOST!   I had no identity I sure couldn’t count on my Parents much in the support department cause they were too self involved & inept to put it simply.   A close knit family would have went a very long way to help me get through those very grueling,tough,callous years of meeting all the wrong kinds of friends or people only to be feeling more lost & empty along with trying to find my way in the World.

It was absolutely difficult, and I had no support or help whatsoever. What I did get was a lot of ridicule,bullying,humiliation and throughout it all the people in question just had no regard to my feelings whatsoever!  Yes, it is a cold & callous world we live in.   Little by little my self esteem, my personality really did deteriorate

When I would try to establish myself with mostly the women I was often treated with:

Abuse

Judged harshly on: What I wore, what TV shows I watched ( You watch THAT TV show? spoken with contempt)

Or for the most part the women I met just didn’t give a damn what I thought or felt I was just merely tolerated or I was used to serve THEIR needs.  My needs were about as high a priority as a pot hole that the City never gets around to fixing.    Now I have a zero tolerance for anyone who treats me this way today.   And in the previous years its not as though  I let anyone treat me in this way its just that I just didn’t know any better I never had anyone:Mother,Father,any kind of mentor SHOW ME any other way or give me advice, suggestions, guidance about how the World works or that I would even encounter such people like I did.  I was real desperate for acceptance I really tried hard to fit in so I wouldn’t end up like I am today which is real lonely with no friends.    I would get out there but often I would strike out with not even so much as a base hit with people.

And I didn’t have anyone teach me HOW!  NO one it seemed to me wanted to be bothered WITH ME!   I was  being ignored,neglected, and not asked how I felt & the only way I was paid attention to at home? Was when the Mom was upset about something wrong with HER so I would be on the receiving end of her abuse.  No Father around he lived in another State with his Wife.   Now before any of you accuse me of blame, I want to let you know that being verbally,psychologically abused DOES MESS WITH YOUR MIND.  And I had absolutely no support or help.   The years I lived with my Mom in my teens positively suck!

I did for a little while in the 80’s meet some great guy friends all gay & a fantastic bunch.  However one by one they passed away from disease, committed suicide, drug overdose or they would meet someone special so …well you know how that goes slowly but surely they would disappear off the face of the Earth.   I had one good friend move to Las Vegas determined to be the next big celebrity of some kind for whatever reason He thought that Las Vegas was the answer and he could live the dream.

My buddy took me to dinner, we saw a movie and by the evenings end he promised to keep in touch.     Now the address I had resided at the time I was there for four years and I never heard from him again.  I remember I did call him at the number that he said he would be staying at.   However when I called which was not real long after he left I was told by an unfriendly male voice who didn’t bother to say his name, he told me that my friend no longer lived there and that was that I hung up.

Being gay is even more difficult too.  It sucks because as a single woman no one will talk to you treating you as if your a criminal just out of prison.   It feels like your stigmatized and you haven’t even done anything wrong, but there it is that big fat stigma, “OH NO, You mean to say your single”?

The general overall opinion among the gays is this: “Whats wrong with you”?  “Your single”.  As if that is any crime.   Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t everyone start out single to begin with?  All of a sudden we live in a world that’s like Noah’s Ark.

Two by two.   I feel that this is really unfair.   Its a bit of lazy thinking because anyone with half a brain needs to realize that its just not easy making,meeting or being just accepted.   A society completely dumbed down & one dimensional.

It’s like people have a prejudice of people who are single.   That sucks!   I mean I would love to meet a great person & marry I’d like nothing better but it does take time everyone, just so you understand that.   I like everyone else want a great person with with which to share my life so that means I must be selective & more important careful because the last thing I want is someone controlling, someone who has real serious issues that their not dealing with (I’m not anyone’s therapist or Mother) or someone who has so much baggage they’re looking to me as their savior…well let me enlighten you…No!   It has taken me 30 years to get to where I’m at now which is somewhat good to go but I have a lot of work to do.

So far the only ones that seem to get attracted to me are too aggressive these are the types that try to sit next to you, stare at you making you feel uncomfortable, or they are hostile with  no manners or class, or there are the needy types.   I really hate needy because those types can never be fulfilled since they don’t know how to look within for everything they need.   I’ve even had the psycho types, I’ve also been followed, had a person just show up at my door TWICE and I didn’t know her that well at all but somehow she snuck through the security door & just came on up to my place!  OMG!

I’ve always had a proactive style to my approach to how I get things done, whether that might be trying to talk or meet with people but I always seem to come up empty in that area, for the most part what I’ve encountered in my experiences is this: the women never seem interested or they have this guilty look saying to me “Well I’m already spoken for or whatever the reason, but now I’m tired, as much as I’ve tried no one really gives a damn or pays me any attention.  Now  I only want to focus on ME!  I’m trying to learn a trade, then once that’s done learn that trade some more attending more schooling out of the state where I currently live.   I hate it here where I currently live, it’s natives pretty much treat one another no better than well an inanimate object which is to say these locals are pretty frigid & unfriendly you need a blow torch to get these folks to thaw & I’ve lived here for some time.

No, I’ll just keep to myself and try to plan for the Future.  I really don’t see any love in my horizon and that’s fine, I don’t like it but I’ve accepted it.

I’ll get a dog instead.

That’s all for now.

I just needed to get this off my chest

Because its just damn important to ME!  And although YOU may not think so I don’t care.     Cause I’m all that matters in this Fucked up society.

Thanks for reading!

How I Lost My Faith With My Fellow Human Beings.

Human beings.

They’re something else aren’t they?  They come in many shapes,sizes,colors.

Well, I’ve lost faith in my fellow man,women,child too.

See, I’m African American,female and I feel polarized,outcast, and that no one in this World gives a good goddamned about me.

I’ve good reason to feel this way.

See, as a little girl I’ve attended the ever awful public school system only to be:

Ignored

Neglected

And expected to perform below par of my fellow students

Teachers were lazy & incompetent.

I receive zero attention.

Then I graduate from High School miracle of miracles and I join the good old United States Army.  And its in the Army I feel that I will get guidance,structure,displine.

What I got instead was lots of verbal abuse that questioned my intelligence usually by one junior grade officer who went by Lt. Gray I don’t give a shit about using her name since she didn’t give a shit on how she treated me.  Shit the way I saw it Lt. Gray had it all.  A college degree, a career but she still wanted to torment me.

And there were other abuses I suffered while I served in the good old military. But    no one cared.

So I get out & go back home I move in with Mom, and she doesn’t want me there.  Why? because she is selfish and doesn’t care.  Add to the mood swings & what you have is a combustible situation.

By now I’m ill prepared for civilian life.  I so wish I would have did things differently.  Getting out of the Army was a good decision, because the Army SUCKED!   I just should have done things differently.   It would have been nice to have had a supportive family but I didn’t.  So I was basically adrift.  I didn’t want to be, but that’s how it turned out.  I’m not particularly proud of that.  It’s not something I would have preferred, I wanted to have a family to go to in times of support, but the people concerned were so damned self centered that if my hair were on fire & I stood in front of them that they would absent mindedly give me gasoline to put it out.

That’s how clueless my Mom & Dad (who divorced when I was 2 living in separate states Dad remarried, Mom seeing her off again on again boyfriend) were.

Abuse, being told that I would amount to nothing, being told I was stupid, then having no one believe in me, well my life really hit the skids.

It’s particularly devastating to go through life ignored or going through life & your the butt of jokes or going through life & your bullied, humiliated after a while especially when you’ve gone through years & years of this you get REAL DEPRESSED!  You give up & stop believing anyone is nice.

I don’t like people now, I just don’t.

After the racial hate crime that happened which I wrote about on here which is called PTSD Aug 6, 2010 I don’t trust no goddamned  one.  I don’t know just how long I’ll feel this way, it will take a real live nice human being to convince me otherwise.   I really miss how I used to be, I miss that person.   However I am thinking of getting either a small dog or cat.  That will really go a long way to help me out of my ever increasing depression.   Remember you all who read this: Depression is a very real illness, when you encounter nothing but hostility it feels like your constantly being kicked in your gut.  Understand?  What I really need is a miracle.  Perhaps it isn’t too late to believe that it could happen for me.  I sure hope so.

So by now I ‘m reaching out but not expecting anything.  I’ve learned not to.  Plenty of disappointment has marred my life.  Once I was trusting,believed in my fellow man, I was positive & saw only good things.  Now its an absolute struggle.  Now I don’t even look forward to waking up in the morning.

I would like so much to get support.

But I won’t hold my breath cause I know that you all out there could care less.

C-YA

Post Script: March 15, 2013 I’ve noticed by my stats I’ve gotten over 400 views but no comments to encourage me to hang in there.  I’m disappointed!  You can read I’m struggling but no comments.   *sigh*  seems like I was right.  this post is not a work of fiction everyone, to me posting is not just entertainment. Posting on here is a matter of life & Death.  Thanks a lot fellow human beings…..NOT!   😦