Lets face it people are just meanspirited

I don’t like the World I live in.

It’s people are so meanspirited.  When your nice other people are suspicious, even to the point of being unhappy.   And OMG are other people ever insecure!  Its why I choose to stay to myself because I don’t like dealing with other peoples control issues or insecurities!  Hey, dealing with your shit is YOUR job, not mine.

All I want to do is enjoy my life which seems kind of impossible or perhaps  I’m not meeting the right kinds of people.  So where are they?  I’ve met plenty of weird, sociopathic,insecure, and ever so ignorant folks, perverts too.  So were are all the good ones?
The stable minded people?  The nice people?  Because I sure haven’t met many.  I’ve never met so many anti social-with -mean-streak -a-mile-wide-types in my life.

Can’t say I care much for 21st Century America.   It’s people SUCKS!  But I keep on keeping on in the hopes that one day I’ll meet that someone special who truly appreciates me for the wonderful woman that I am.

So far?  That just hasn’t happened.  It seems that the majority of people I’ve met so far really lack any kind of substance in their personality.  Mostly the good quality kind.   Its like walking in a negativity mind field.    I just don’t understand it either.  Because I’ve had a HORRENDOUS childhood!   And no one cared to get me through the really difficult times either.   I’ve been separated from my Mother at childhood for FOUR years with no phone calls which I wasn’t allowed to do by both my vindictive Father & his bitch of a 2nd Wife Broom Hilda….OH WAIT did I say Broom Hilda?  What I meant was ______________  Broom Hilda is my nickname for that bitch.   And it just never got any easier because I have a mental illness and it seemed everyone made fun of me & called me the neighborhood retard.  I had learning issues, anger issues, and everything else under the sun.

And it didn’t stop either!  Just like long addition everyone?  All this shit carried over like a long math problem & along with it all of the baggage that was heaped onto my shoulders by an assortment of evil negative folks throughout my life.   And you know what I STILL have a nice personality.  That is until recently, because now I don’t want to talk to anyone.  It has taken year after very painful year too.   I just don’t trust anyone.

I constantly forget that nice people even exist out in this World.   Maybe some of you could leave me messages of hope on here.  I sure could use it.   And I’m real serious too.

I live alone, have no friends and only real minimal family.   And if you think that its easy dealing with all of this than you must be so totally out of your mind, or in complete denial which seems to be the norm out here in the ever NOT so wonderful World.

I just deserve MORE!


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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