I Know All About The Dark Side Of Human Nature.

Do you want to know why I write these blogs?   I do it to bring attention to just how badly I’ve been treated in life!   I’m honest, I don’t bullshit.   I’ve suffered ALOT at the hands of other people.   I wished I would garner more traffic to my site because I do have a story to tell, I’ve suffered practically MY WHOLE LIFE, I’ve never really had anyone give me kindness except my Mom’s & real recently?  My new landlord.

I had the idea of what to blog by going to one of my followers who is following my blog & right  away I was real glad that this person decided to talk about ADHD.   I have it.   I was the shame of my family.   I was labeled:

A dummy, I was called stupid as a young kid & in 2005 as an ADULT!  by another adult woman (too bad I didn’t smack her!)   Teachers didn’t care about me, I suppose they figured I was a lost cause, I’m not entirely sure but they sure they were full of apathy & it showed!    All I’ve known was real ignorant & extremely MEAN people.  Rarely if ever were people nice to me.   I say this because I want it validated I’m not looking for sympathy I just want love & validation.   That’s all I want.   Because I’ve suffered, real badly.   I felt every day of my life that someone would slowly kill me & my spirit.  And do you know when this happens enough times ladies & gentlemen?  Your soul is EXTERMINATED!  It can happen, it does happen.   What then happens could be as varied as the tortured soul:  crime, drugs, prison, possibly even DEATH!   I’m angry that I’ve been treated so abominably over the years.  Although I knew that society isn’t fair?  the scales of justice really stink when your a person of color struggling with a disability!  I wish I were making it up but unfortunately I’m being real about this, and dammit I want some attention!  All through school it was a nightmare.   At a very young age I was forced to leave my Mother to go live with a stranger known as Father.  I was forced to live with this man & his remarried Wife & was she GROSS!   That was the downward spiral.   I did not learn to tell time until I was 9 years old, didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was 9.   I was cursed at, threatened, people screamed then pulled their hair, even shed tears of frustration, all because they were trying to tutor me & I was not understanding anything.   So in the adults mind I was doing all this on purpose!    I was labeled lazy, compared to the kid next door who was as smart as a whip!   And I was on a constant basis told I wouldn’t amount to anything.

Now when a child is told this as I was it basically sets up a child to fail.  I was literally screwed up for many years to come.   I had problems with drugs, drank heavily, nearly died a few times with suicide attempts.   Unfortunately, I wasn’t blessed to meet anyone who had even a half way decent personality who would care.   Its the truth.    Basically I’m tired of being kicked around like this, I’m tired of being ignored, I’m tired of being told that I “have limitations”  How about I show you my limited fist to your jaw??   If one more person makes a comment about my intelligence I’ll go Ralph Cramden of the Honeymooners & land one right in the kisser!

I don’t deserve such negative stereotypes!   Its bad enough I get the occasional racial slur so now you must attack my intelligence?   Its times like these that I wish dueling would come back.  Back in 16th century America colonial times when you insulted a persons character it would be ten paces with pistols.   I’m sick of the way I am treated.  I want respect, I deserve respect, I want to be talked to like a HUMAN BEING!  I do have feelings everyone!   And I hurt just like anyone else!   Feel free to pass along my message.   I am SOMEBODY.  So quit acting so hateful.    The way I’m treated is so unacceptable.  I hope this will get better!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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