Remembering A Time As A Child Hating Today

I was at a local suburb mall today.  Thought I’d go to the local music store pick up yet another DVD of a classic movie from the 80’s because TV now a days is total shit!  I bought some music too to help cheer me up.  I walked around in the mall and noticed a place where kids go to jump around in what looked like trampolines with color balls flying all over the place.  This place was called Wiggle World?  I looked in from across the way I won’t stand there looking in the window cause that wouldn’t look right.   But seeing those children have the time of their lives makes me desparately wish I could go back in time to when I was young & didn’t have the mountainous worries, mental illness, anxieties, and depression that I have today.  I didn’t have a lot of those fun filled days as a child but I did have SOME.   And its those days, memories if you will that if I could ask God to grant me any wish it would be to go back to one day in my life were I was truly happy.   You don’t know how much I would want that!  truly hate the 21st Century with all those stupid gadgets, texting, people being mean to you, the intolerance, the rudeness that all gets to me.  Most of all living here in the Pacific Northwest everyone here is so flaky no one keeps their promises on ANYTHING!  Nothing but drones living here.   I miss my old life back in California but even California isn’t the same anymore.  That’s changed drastically.  I hate when people ignore you, I hate the fast pace, since when is life like the starting gate at the local race track? Can you answer me that?  Backwards people who seem to live in the 1950’s, everyone in a hurry to go no where.   No one says hello.   Its why I hate where I live so much!  You know while I was sitting here in my apartment today I was watching Murder She Wrote and its a great series …well I caught the very first episode which was on today the pilot.  And I was feeling kind of sad because it shows the actress Angela Lansberry riding her bicycle around the small town of Cabot Cove where her character lives, she is waving at everybody….it got me real depressed because that sure doesn’t happen here in the Pacific Northwest you try that & people will look at you like your crazy or talk real bad about you.   Watching things like that make me feel real sad, mad, yet at the same time yearn about why that still doesn’t happen today.  I even remember as a child how easy it was to wave at the neighbors of my neighborhood.  How people stopped you in the street to say hello.   I miss those days.  And I’m a young,attractive woman everyone.   I’m not into wild parties, hanging out with a bunch of miscreants who want nothing more than to be self destructive for no other reason than because they think its fun.

Younger generation, OMG nothing but a bunch of wild & crazy kids trying to see how far they can go, before killing themselves I guess.   I have termed them the “Suicide Generation”  .

I long for a few childhood days & those previous years lost so long ago.  It makes me real sad.  Cause I sure can’t stand the 21st Century….Its awful.   Perhaps moving to a different climate were there are friendlier people might be what I need.   I’m thinking that it might be. 

From the music of today (which I can’t stand) to the trashy TV shows(just plain garbage)  to other people’s nasty & indifferent attitudes 2013 and all the years of the 21st Century which preceded it are a dismal reminder of just how far our society is sinking….just like quicksand.

That’s sad!


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact:

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