I’ve had a very difficult life. When I say difficult I don’t mean with working my but off at awful dead end jobs…what I mean when I say that I’ve had a difficult life, I mean I worked my butt off at terrible menial jobs, often people were just terrible towards me treating me no better than a potted plant, often I would return home to an empty apartment were a frozen tv dinner awaited & my TV that stays on at all hours so I can hear other noise in my apartment, there is no family support calling me on the phone or visiting because of that damn family dysfunction & mental illness!
I’ve done nothing but struggle…ALOT! I did the best with the very little that I have. So now I find myself starting over at this point in my life so I can somehow have a better job. I want to go to school. College. Yes everyone I’m very smart. Always was. Problem was while I lived at home as a minor I had to contend with an unstable Mother who made my life a living hell and that everyone was psychologically damaging for me. The school grades just went down the toilet due to constant neglect from Mother & all around indifference from all the other adults, my own friends didn’t even pay me much attention…hear that distant flush? That was the last of my self esteem leaving my body like waste! So now I’m planning on going to College the always smart-but no one ever thought so kid now a grown woman will be going to college to study engineering. OH yes I am pretty good in math but no one believed in me something about bigotry, even racism there is this crazy stereotype going on at the public school level were if your non white then that must mean you have inferior intelligence! Deeming it necessary to ignore, expect less of, and all around treat you like a peaseant in the good old U.S.A. This girl is on fire & very smart! HA!
I also hope to get a part time job yes I hope to do this and complete school and even graduate with a degree….ALL FOUR YEARS thank you very much. I plan to start over. I have languished in struggle, poverty, food stamps, welfare lines. Yes I’ve had the low self esteem thanks to all you public school teachers with their negative mantras of who would make it out of high school & who wouldn’t. To all you teachers I had in high school. You just didn’t deserve your certificates. I think that YOU were the ones that couldn’t make it in life, unfortunately you had the audacity to project your negativity out on us impressionable children who sat in your classrooms. Shame on you! But that’s in the past. This is now and my goals however long they took are now solidified….the plans did take years to put together & hey I had no encouragement nor help except for endless days, nights on the internet doing my research on which direction my life would go. Hey I do the best that I can. But I’m trying so give me an A for that effort! From what I understand most people NEVER learn no matter how old they are. Most people go to their grave never learning a thing about themselves or to even try to accompolish their goals. And hey, even if you fail at something AT LEAST YOU’VE TRIED. Way better than sitting at home all day watching soaps or doing nothing at all.
I’m starting over by going to school. By getting that part time job. By graduating from College. And by getting a good job. I have my plans mapped. And guess what? I had no help, until real recently no encouragement, and I’ve done this all alone which is a lot like climbing up Mt. Everest all alone & with minimal climbing gear.
I’m like the Sylvester Stallone character Rocky my favorite movie. That movie is pretty parallel to my own life. I climb up out of the rubbish heap to become……A CHAMPION!
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