Is It Possible To Start Over In Life? IDK But I’m Sure Gonna Try

I’ve had a very difficult life.  When I say difficult I don’t mean with working my but off at awful dead end jobs…what I mean when I say that I’ve had a difficult life, I mean I worked my butt off at terrible menial jobs, often people were just terrible towards me treating me no better than a potted plant, often I would return home to an empty apartment were a frozen tv dinner awaited & my TV  that stays on at all hours so I can hear other noise in my apartment,  there is no family support  calling me on the phone or visiting because of that damn family dysfunction & mental illness!

I’ve done nothing but struggle…ALOT!   I did the best with the very little that I have.  So now I find myself starting over at this point in my life so I can somehow have a better job.   I want to go to school.  College.  Yes everyone I’m very smart.  Always was.  Problem was while I lived at home as a minor I had to contend with an unstable Mother who made my life a living hell and that everyone was psychologically damaging for me.  The school grades just went down the toilet due to constant neglect from Mother & all around indifference from all the other adults, my own friends didn’t even pay me much attention…hear that distant flush? That was the last of my self esteem leaving my body like waste!  So now I’m planning on going to College the always smart-but no one ever thought so kid now a grown woman will be going to college to study engineering.  OH yes I am pretty good in math but no one believed in me something about bigotry, even racism there is this crazy stereotype going on at the public school level were if your non white then that must mean you have inferior intelligence!  Deeming it necessary to ignore, expect less of, and all around treat you like a peaseant in the good old U.S.A.   This girl is on fire & very smart!   HA!

I also hope to get a part time job yes I hope to do this and complete school and even graduate with a degree….ALL FOUR YEARS thank you very much.   I plan to start over.   I have languished in struggle, poverty, food stamps, welfare lines.   Yes I’ve had the low self esteem thanks to all you public school teachers with their negative mantras of who would make it out of high school & who wouldn’t.   To all you teachers I had in high school.  You just didn’t deserve your certificates.   I think that YOU  were the ones that couldn’t make it in life, unfortunately you had the audacity to project your negativity out on us impressionable children who sat in your classrooms.  Shame on you!   But that’s in the past.  This is now and my goals however long they took are now solidified….the plans did take years to put together & hey I had no encouragement nor help except for endless days, nights on the internet doing my research on which direction my life would go.  Hey I do the best that I can.   But I’m trying so give me an A for that effort!  From what I understand most people NEVER learn no matter how old they are.  Most people go to their grave never learning a thing about themselves or to even try to accompolish their goals.   And hey, even if you fail at something AT LEAST YOU’VE TRIED.  Way better than sitting at home all day watching soaps or doing nothing at all.

I’m starting over by going to school.  By getting that part time job.  By graduating from College.  And by getting a good job.   I have my plans mapped.   And guess what?  I had no help, until real recently no encouragement, and I’ve done this all alone which is a lot like climbing up Mt. Everest all alone & with minimal climbing gear.

I’m like the Sylvester Stallone character Rocky my favorite movie.  That movie is pretty parallel to my own life.   I climb up out of the rubbish heap to become……A CHAMPION!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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