Not Really Enjoying The Single Life With Minimal To No Support!

I’m not real sure if blogging helps on here.  I have received some followers so it would seem that there are some people out there with a heart!  Its puzzling how some on here get tons of followers & replies while others …..well barely get any.  

I do this to keep my sanity in a World that doesn’t care one lick about what I do & the feeling is now mutual.   A woman of color on the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder trying to work her way up it all the while there are barriers.  I thank God for my Facebook friends else I don’t know how I would make it.   It’s enormously DIFFICULT.  What some of you out there take for granted I wished I had.  I’m alone all the time.   I try to find volunteer opportunities but its difficult due to how hard it is, references I don’t have since I don’t know anyone and have little experience.  I also suffer mental illness, then I’m lonely , isolated, alienated.   This just isn’t a loving nor kind World.  Its more of a backstabbing World full of betrayal & very sullen people.  I’ve tried, tried, then tried some more and you know what I’m tired….no just plain exhausted!  and I don’t mind writing about it.  Some of you out there like keeping things to yourself, I believe you call it being composed…well I choose not too, after all I’m not going to be the one keeling over with a heart attack just because I’ve stayed composed.   I like to write how I feel good, bad, indiiferent, angry, sad, grieving.   It helps some.   And I care little if some of you are judgemental I can assure you that you don’t have the lack of luxuries i.e. family support, a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, even a pet which I can’t have due to the restrictions dictated by my new lease.  How about reaching out to me as a good friend.  A good friend who isn’t vulgar, sexist, or a jerk because that seems to be all I’ve met.    It is extremely difficult to make & meet friends…seems like people in general lack trust, don’t have time, or are just overall suspicious all without taking the time, ANY TIME to just get to know you.   Whatever happened to meeting someone for coffee, exchanging an email or phone number, inviting someone to a gathering your giving?   When did society become so thoughtless, uncaring, even apathetic?   Sometimes I want to ask someone: “Is there a heart that beats inside that chest of yours”?  Makes you wonder sometime.   I have said this before in my previous blogs but I just can’t stand the 21st Century!  Each of the previous decades seemed to have its fair share of problems but the 21st Century seems the absolute WORST!  Now with social media which I don’t particularly care for because I like face to face its real impersonal.  Social media at least has its good points when you make a friend & then it moves onto online chatting that does help with the lonliness & isolation.   It helps when your me with minimal to no family support….I don’t live with my Mother who is mentally ill & domineering who isn’t really blessed with a sensitivity gene.  It’s hard.  Sometimes I wished I came from a big family.  With my Dad gone & no siblings it makes life for me extremely unbearable!   I try to find solutions but its not easy.  I want to move out of Washington….it sucks well the people do, I want to move back to California which won’t be for another 2-3 years when I hopefully can get an AA degree then hopefully transfer to a University in California.   I’m low income so finding a place would be a challenge.   I would be open to any suggestions anyone out there might have…….I’m asking for help you all!  I’m not afraid to ask.  Its just that no one reaches out, ignores me, or turns a deaf ear.   That’s the reality.   So as another night comes to an end I have tomorrow to face and I’m just not looking forward to that! I get so goddamned tired of waking up alone, walking around my apt alone, and no one checking up on me.  Its like childhood all over again.

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