Not Really Enjoying The Single Life With Minimal To No Support!

I’m not real sure if blogging helps on here.  I have received some followers so it would seem that there are some people out there with a heart!  Its puzzling how some on here get tons of followers & replies while others …..well barely get any.  

I do this to keep my sanity in a World that doesn’t care one lick about what I do & the feeling is now mutual.   A woman of color on the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder trying to work her way up it all the while there are barriers.  I thank God for my Facebook friends else I don’t know how I would make it.   It’s enormously DIFFICULT.  What some of you out there take for granted I wished I had.  I’m alone all the time.   I try to find volunteer opportunities but its difficult due to how hard it is, references I don’t have since I don’t know anyone and have little experience.  I also suffer mental illness, then I’m lonely , isolated, alienated.   This just isn’t a loving nor kind World.  Its more of a backstabbing World full of betrayal & very sullen people.  I’ve tried, tried, then tried some more and you know what I’m tired….no just plain exhausted!  and I don’t mind writing about it.  Some of you out there like keeping things to yourself, I believe you call it being composed…well I choose not too, after all I’m not going to be the one keeling over with a heart attack just because I’ve stayed composed.   I like to write how I feel good, bad, indiiferent, angry, sad, grieving.   It helps some.   And I care little if some of you are judgemental I can assure you that you don’t have the lack of luxuries i.e. family support, a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, even a pet which I can’t have due to the restrictions dictated by my new lease.  How about reaching out to me as a good friend.  A good friend who isn’t vulgar, sexist, or a jerk because that seems to be all I’ve met.    It is extremely difficult to make & meet friends…seems like people in general lack trust, don’t have time, or are just overall suspicious all without taking the time, ANY TIME to just get to know you.   Whatever happened to meeting someone for coffee, exchanging an email or phone number, inviting someone to a gathering your giving?   When did society become so thoughtless, uncaring, even apathetic?   Sometimes I want to ask someone: “Is there a heart that beats inside that chest of yours”?  Makes you wonder sometime.   I have said this before in my previous blogs but I just can’t stand the 21st Century!  Each of the previous decades seemed to have its fair share of problems but the 21st Century seems the absolute WORST!  Now with social media which I don’t particularly care for because I like face to face its real impersonal.  Social media at least has its good points when you make a friend & then it moves onto online chatting that does help with the lonliness & isolation.   It helps when your me with minimal to no family support….I don’t live with my Mother who is mentally ill & domineering who isn’t really blessed with a sensitivity gene.  It’s hard.  Sometimes I wished I came from a big family.  With my Dad gone & no siblings it makes life for me extremely unbearable!   I try to find solutions but its not easy.  I want to move out of Washington….it sucks well the people do, I want to move back to California which won’t be for another 2-3 years when I hopefully can get an AA degree then hopefully transfer to a University in California.   I’m low income so finding a place would be a challenge.   I would be open to any suggestions anyone out there might have…….I’m asking for help you all!  I’m not afraid to ask.  Its just that no one reaches out, ignores me, or turns a deaf ear.   That’s the reality.   So as another night comes to an end I have tomorrow to face and I’m just not looking forward to that! I get so goddamned tired of waking up alone, walking around my apt alone, and no one checking up on me.  Its like childhood all over again.

Advertisements

Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

Categories UncategorizedTags, ,