I am still up not even wanting to go to bed I think its after Midnight. I am bored but mostly a bit troubled even detached from myself. But maybe just maybe there is hope for me. I don’t know how I’ll get out of the hole I’m in the mental dark hole but perhaps there is hope for me. Do you all think that there is hope for me. I mean I feel just like a misfit in society. I really do. I am blogging again because I’m pretty much in pain but I’m numb to it right now. I really really want to get better. I want to matter in someones life. I want to be noticed and loved the good & the bad exactly as I am. I’m in a not so good place. I really would like someone to come in and just tell me that I’m not a bad person. I want someone to tell me that I am loved. I don’t know how to fix my life its been in a bad way since I was a child and guess what? No one knew how to help me then. Well one thing I’m greatful for is that I never landed in jail or addicted to drugs. Do you all know that I don’t drink….I can’t I’d drink myself to death. Self medicating is what I did for years. But I’m here to say I don’t drink and haven’t for going on 7 months. I will try to work on my recovery. I will try to work on my recovery. I have picked up some bad habits but at least I have my own apartment, I don’t drink, I don’t have a criminal record, I’ve never been to jail, I’ve managed to survive and when you read my other blogs…well hey give me an Olympic Gold Medal for survival! I really want to get well. So will you wish me well. I’d really appreciate that a whole lot!