Please Stop The Stigma!

Please stop the stigma!  If someone is struggling instead of looking down your nose at them just give them support!  Because sisters it can happen to you don’t think it can’t.  What am I referring to? LONLINESS!  People have actually committed suicide over it, check into a psyche ward over it.   So the next time you call someone a loser or any other derogatory term really think about what your saying….there are ALOT of insensitive assholes out there.  Ignorant too, regarding why someone doesn’t has friends, is single a long time.   Why not take time to talk to that person and just listen to them.   That’s pretty much all we want.  We don’t want you to solve our problems we just want YOU TO LISTEN!   Maybe ask us out to coffee or a movie, we live in a society of total narcisstic & selfish types today in 21st Century America makes me wish for the 80’s again.   It’s not like I woke up one morning & cheerfully said “hey I want to spend years of my life living alone.   No it doesn’t happen like that.   As I told the Former F.B. friend I said to her its all a matter of location, location, location, meeting friends, meeting a significant other.   And sadly you guys I live in a TERRIBLE city & state.   The Pacific Northwest …Washington state!   It truly SUCKS!   I feel like I’m in a day to day Purgatory here!  Everyone here seems to be in a perpetual bad mood..   An example of this is last night I was returning home from a N.A.M.I. support group meeting and because I catch the bus and it was after 8PM I had to hustle to my next stop lest I wait for another hour.  Well I don’t own a watch, I had no cell phone still waiting to get mine through a carrier, so I go inside to the Mall its closing early!  and I go over to a barista stand and I very politely ask “What time is it”?  Because I just could not find a mounted wall clock anywhere.   The barrista behind the counter seemed put out.  In a very irritated & clipped tone she replied in a monotone voice void of any feeling said ” it’s 9’0Clock” Wow good thing I didn’t ask for a grande latte.   I’m thinking sorry I even asked!  See, everyone I just CRAVE,CRAVE a smile or a warm look from well especially women, I’m lonely and struggling.   This incident with the barrista is one of SEVERAL TIMES that I’ve encountered the attitude and its worn me down.   Its why I want to move real badly!  Real badly folks.   I’m desperate to get out of here!   I’m not feeling sorry for myself NO!  what I’m doing I guess is sort of documenting the many experiances that have led me to where I’m at today.   It was nothing I did wrong, this is just what happened its the best that I can do to sort of put to words more clearly just how life can throw many, many wrenches into your life to really throw you right off your road that your traveing on the journey that is your life.   Simply put there you are driving your car everything is going smooth…..THEN in a split second you lose control of your car & it goes RIGHT OFF THE ROAD, then you crash somewhere.   I didn’t really lose control but OMG did my life go off into a ditch!  What I can tell you everyone was is that I was real lost for a lot of years, I wasn’t lazy…..I was lost like a traveler without a good map! & I had no one to talk to.  My Mother was herself lost & deep into her illness & she basically sought refuge in…..well let me leave that one out!  My own Father….he was lost too so I really couldn’t go to him for anything.  He was what you would call a man who would marry, divorce-marry again-then divorce.   So when HE felt lost in life what did he do?  Get another Wife…..which I know all too well is not a very healthy way to approach life.   He was not a well man either.   And this folks are my parents 2 lost people who produce an equally lost Daughter.   However everyone, God did bless me with excellent….or at least I think that’s what it is……INSIGHT!  I have plenty of it.  I’m rich with insight…maybe not in money or material posssessions  which when you think about it I would rather the insight over money everyone because how many people have committed suicide who were rich & privileged?  Quite a few is the answer because money,status, won’t help whats ailing you on the inside…a good example was actor Brad Pitt in an interview were he says that even AFTER he had made it as an A list multi million dollar actor who had acting jobs coming out of the wood work…..all of that and even HE felt empty inside this was while he was single dating around before he eventually met his finacee Angelina Jolie.  He did drugs & was pretty aimless and he is the hottest & most sought after actor.  When I read that article which was in Rolling Stone I felt validated it doesn’t matter what side of the equation you fall into in life you can find yourself pretty lost without the right people or in my case ANY people to just help you along give you love, support, and their time any amount of time even if its just a few hours or so a week.

Lonely, isolated, alienated these are real life problems in peoples lives.  We don’t ask for you to have the answers….just give us love, a hug, and say to us “if you need anything”  That’s my favorite to hear from someone.  And it doesn’t have to be money cause remember to all of you that have it all the Family, the girlfriend or boyfriend, the family that just acknowledges that you exist….just remember everyone for us that live daily with the lonliness?  Its the little things that count for us.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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