Message To C.J. & her friends I’m not a monster.

This blog is a personal message to C.J. & her friends.  This is a blog seeking forgiveness.  Please, please forgive me.  I understand I was angry.  I was wrong.  I’m not a psycho.  I said very stupid things.  Everyone does.  But that does not make me a monster.  I am not.  I have not hurt a soul in my entire life.  Not even when I had been called several racial slurs by one woman who also threatened to stab me with her knife 3 years ago.  I understand your hurt.  I understand & respect that I should not contact you EVER!   I was a step ahead of you on that one because I haven’t so give me some credit for that please. 

But please don’t refer to me as someone who would commit acts of homicide!  That hurts TREMENDOUSLY!  I  made a mistake but that does not make me a monster.  I know that my posts are being monitored I check this blog frequently I say welcome to my blog.  You won’t find a single hurtful thing said on here.  I’m opinionated on other gay women but I have actual experiances to back those up.  But other than that I don’t say a mean thing about anyone.  As I’ve said I understand HER anger & with the exception of a reply I sent which I doubt will get read I have not sent her any messages since Sunday June 30th.  So if you want to call me derogatory names I can’t control that but know that those particular allegations really did tear me up.   One good lesson is I’m staying off any & all online chatting forever.  I will not use any forums, nor any social media its pretty obvious that they are just no good.  I will be posting any progress I make right on here on WordPress. 

Again I’m SO SORRY.  I did a really stupid thing.  I won’t contact C.J.  and that was my intention anyway.  All I ask is forgiveness cause everyone says stupid things that’s what makes us human.  But it sure doesn’t make us homicidal. 

and everyone has anger in them. That is human nature. I need compassion. I don’t need to be cruxified….Thanks

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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