Recovery From Verbal Backlash

Forgiveness is something we all need to learn.  I’m not immune from it myself I have to work on it.  I’m not perfect, if anything I’m perfectly FLAWED.   I know this all too well.  But when I apologize for a major transgression & you lose trust in me that’s okay.  Whats not okay is to paint me as a monster.  I must say everyone that I’m deserving of forgiveness & its important not to blow stuff out of proportion.  I’m still trying to recover from a severe backlash of hate from a former FB friend which I have to say is the WORST form of verbal abuse I’ve been through to date.  This even ranks worse than the hate crime that I barely survived.   However we both suffer from mental disorders in fact that’s how the FB person found me was on a mental illness forum which I did pretty well on posting over 300 threads providing support to the members on the site.  I feel that my membership on that forum for the brief time I was on it the most fulfilling.  But now its time to let go of that forum & move on.  All I can basically do is pray, pray then pray somemore then when my therapist comes back from her vacation resume seeing her.   Its so bad that I can’t wait for the daylight to come so I can hear back from the interim therapist to call me in the morning so I can have someone to talk to.  I’ve already called the Crisis line twice tonight because I was feeling extreme depression & anxiety over being called a homicidal person.  That’s what the woman said.   So I’m trying my best to try & forget everything about this person, pray to have piece of mind not for her but for myself.  I’m a broken person who hopes one day to be reassembled to a more healthier & happy person.  As for the woman well I don’t have any love for her.   She’s no longer exists in my mind & I will work hard to forget I ever met her online.  I will MOVE ON!  I’m a good person who has a brain disorder.  I’m a good person who just would never harm anyone. 

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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