I’m home in my apartment trying as best as I can not to succumb to boredom & manic depression by keeping my mind on ANYTHING other than how lonely & difficult my life is. So what I’m trying to focus on is how do I move to the city of my dreams from a city I absolutely loathe & ready to flee from Washington state. A huge dream of mine. So the wheels in my head are constantly going. It’s all I think of day & night. The HOW. That piece of information I would pay any amount of money to figure out. I’m surprised I don’t suffer headaches from all of this thinking that’s how incredibly difficult it is. Make no mistake everyone when you have made this decision? Its not to be taken lightly which I do not. Moving in itself is one of the most stressful things one does in ones life and here I am wanting to move not across town but to a whole other State. It’s serious business. I’m even using previous movies I’ve watched for possible inspiration one being the very first movie in the Karate Kid trilogy. For anyone who doesn’t remember the first Karate Kid movie which I’ve seen at least a dozen times, in the movie Mother & son (A young Ralph Macchio) drive cross country from New Jersey to Los Angeles California. When the two arrive to L.A. they’ve pulled up to an apartment complex which Mother & son are already moving into. Mother & son move because Mom has a job in L.A. So what this tells me is:
First get a job in the City in which you wish to live in
Then secure a place to live
All before you exit the City your moving from
Now of course in the movie none of this is explained because we the movie goers don’t care we just want to watch a good movie and The Karate Kid is a really good movie that was very well done. But this was the basis of how I figured out for myself just how a move out of State was even done. Now remember I have no one to ask about such things. Because no one would have any idea what to tell me & no one really has the time, also asking such a thing would only prove to irritate or annoy the person I’m asking due in part cause most people in todays fast paced World would not want to be bothered. My Mother sure couldn’t provide much insight either God bless her but she is just not the motivated type of woman. Mom is just too passive, depressive basically she is the amoebe a lifeless form in life. And she would be way too clueless just like when I was a young teenager when she knew nothing about how to be a Mother she just hasn’t changed a whole heck of a lot. And so to sum it up Mom isn’t a real source of inspiration nor guidance. My Father is dead. I have no siblings. No relatives either. So I cull any kind of information from:
The internet & questions I ask the Bing search engine
Methodical planning & searching the internet for info
And whatever, wherever the info may come from I adopt as my own.
That’s all I’ve got.
I’m a team of one undertaking a huge task
Its not a fun one I can tell you that, but one I must undertake if I’m to be happy & not go over the edge which living here has done. I swear I feel like I’m going to lose my mind living here. I don’t care if I don’t have a relationship, but the no friends, no social life, not meeting the right kinds of people who are fun, outgoing, intelligent like the kinds of people I knew when I was in high school then College. I really miss those years. I actually have real grief over the loss of my friends. I truly miss them. I hurt everyday over the loss of my friends, everyday I feel real empty, living here doesn’t help my morale either.
So, I want to make some changes, shake things up a bit cause I don’t believe in being sedentary. I don’t want to end up like my Mom letting life pass me by.
I want to live my life on my own terms. I give myself permission to do this. And whether anyone approves or not I no longer care cause its my life & I want to live it my way. Hey you only get one shot at this life I don’t want to spend it around a cold,distant Mother who tries to be controlling of me still to this day! and I’m an adult. That gets real old real quick. I want a life of my own free from depressing Mothers, repressed Seattleites, and all around lack of beauty & stimulation. I’ve lived in close to ten cities & have traveled to Europe twice. My biggest regret was ever returning to Seattle after I left the military. I should’ve bought a one way ticket anywhere. So I made some mistakes ones that I still regret. When I put my mind to something I can do it. I may lack for a lot of things, I may not have the friends nor the great family but I sure do have a lot of determination & I know what I want. I’m hungry for a better life. And goddammit I’m going to have one too!