This Mornings Dream…Bothered Me.

Had this dream this morning a couple of them.  Let me tell you once I woke up I was real sad.  The first one was of my Father.  Dad died on July 6, 2006.  I had no warning, I didn’t say goodbye, I didn’t even get to see him buried as his last Wife moved the two of them from Los Angeles California (were I was born & grew up) all the way to some small redneck town deep in the Florida everglades if you can believe that!  So I couldn’t go.  I couldn’t afford it, and Mom couldn’t lend me the money to go.   I had no support, no comfort, nothing.   Thought I would lose my mind and I even considered suicide I was that bad everyone.  Don’t know if anyone cares but I’m telling you from the heart I need to say this as I have no one else to talk to about this since I’m in between counseling waiting to hear back from the V.A.

This dream I had which was the first one was of my Father.  My Father, Mom, and myself were all walking down the street our arms where linked and I was real happy.  In the dream I was thinking:

I’m so glad that my parents are together”  I was thoroughly & utterly happy in this dream.  Then in another scene , segment or whatever you call it in a dream I was sitting inside a car with my Mother only it was my Mother as she was when she was much younger like late teens right before she was pregnant with me.   Over in the far distance was Mom how she is today.  Today Mom is elderly.  She has aged, she has osteoporosis so she has really shrunk.  Its real hard to see her like this.  I feel sad over how she has aged.  Anyway Mom was over in the distance and I could remember in the dream that I didn’t want the younger version of Mom to see the older version.   The younger version didn’t speak all we did was sit in the car.  That’s all I remember about that segment.  I had another dream this one really has me a bit concerned & vexed.

After I had woke up from both of the dreams I remember that I had felt a complete sadness on the reality that my Father is actually dead.  I still feel sad about it.  My loneliness only compounds it.  Heartbreak would be more accurate 

Which brings me to dream number 2.   I was in a room that I think was a kitchen sort of modeled after my Step Mom’s own Mother where the Step Mom would send me over to keep her Mother company & to get me out of her hair. 

So I’m in this kitchen and out walks this woman.  I will not mention who it was because I don’t want any negative judgement.   This particular woman who shall remain nameless was a socialite heir to a fortune of a product that all of you used or have used.  Everyone knows of the name.  This woman walked down the hallway where I spotted her from the kitchen.  I knew who it was immediately and in the dream I froze with fear because this woman was murdered way back many years ago.  The woman was wearing the exact same nightgown that she was killed in.  In the dream, I immediately followed her into the living room all this time the woman was brushing her hair.   With all the courage I could muster I asked the woman are you ________________?   She responded: “Who are you”?  I can’t remember what I said, but in another segment of the dream I’m sitting at the edge of the bed, the woman was on the floor next to me.  Now in the dream I’m terrified because in the dream I had thought that she was still alive, and in dreams there is no rationality or logic.  I think that the subconscious can discern the difference.  That’s what I think anyway.   So in my dream while sitting on the edge of the bed the woman sitting on the floor next to me was still brushing her hair.  I’m so tormented in my mind I’m thinking to myself:  “I’ve got to warn her about the imminent danger that’s about to befall her”.   I’m thinking while in this dream that perhaps I can reverse time, to save this woman.  I know, I know but this was a dream and a dream just has no logic.  I actually thought that this woman who has been dead some 40 years was still alive.

Here is what I think is the real freaky part.  The last thing I had asked this woman was how old she was.   The woman replied that she was 26, then she abruptly changed that and said 25.

This woman was murdered when she was 25.  She was within days of turning 26.  Then my alarm went off before the dream could go further.  How I wished that didn’t happen.  The one time I decide to get up early to go to the V.A. to register.  

The dream with the woman really has freaked me out everyone.  I was in a bad mood the whole day and I felt so hopeless & depressed.   Not a great day for me.

Earlier this year I went on the internet to read about this woman’s demise.  I had also accidentally seen her morgue photos by pure accident.  Did you know that certain scumbags post morgue photos of infamous crimes?  Its true, all I wanted to do was look up the womans history to find out more about her.  That photo still haunts me.  But I’ve sort of put it behind me as an innocent accident.   When I got back to using Facebook (I’ve since deactivated FB as of July 2013) I found a tribute page which I posted on her wall.   This is the only real positive use for Facebook I feel.

 

 

Somewhere deep in my subsconsious I must have had some residue of thought for this woman. Cause the subconscious never forgets. I know I never will.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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