Saturday

Saturday September 21st

My first full day of not speaking to my Mother.  I guess this is what you would called being estranged?

I slept in till 9AM.  Nothing new, I get up & I basically just try to get my thoughts together.  Now that I don’t have the cell phone that my sociopathic Step Dad gave me, I now use another cell phone which is free that I’ve now activated and am using.

I was real frustrated today.   Mainly I’m trying to figure out how to go about meeting or making friends so I don’t end up hanging myself from despair.  This is the hard part.  My first idea was to find a support group for adult children of abusive parents.

So I call the Crisis Line.  OMG what a waste of my time.  Here in Washington the resources are REALLY limited.  And I’m not kidding!  I try to call I get a so called counselor who for all purposes gets approximately two weeks training so these people aren’t counselors at all.

I ask this person about the support group, she then puts me on hold to go & ask her supervisor.  The woman comes back on the line to me, to tell me that because my request is specific there is nothing really available.   WHAT?   The woman then goes onto say that I her supervisor suggests I go to this mental health agency which I’ve already went to & whose counseling fees I cannot afford.  It was also suggested that I try N.A.M.I. 

Problem with N.A.M.I. ( you can google it)  is that those groups are facilitated by a person who has a mental illness, I’ve been to a meeting but going there with my request/ suggestion I would just get no help whatsoever for what I need which is “A support group for adult children of abusive parents”.

Oooh, its really lame here where I live.  All you do is hit multiple walls in getting the help or support that you need.  No wonder the despair here is severe & the suicide rate high.  You can’t get what you need!

And as far as starting my own support group which is what the Crisis Line woman had suggested, well there are barriers there which I’ve tried to explain but alas she seemed too obtuse to understand.

First off:

I don’t know anyone

I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to promote such a group

Way to go Seattle! A bunch of nothing but vapid folks who either can’t or won’t help you. Oh, one last thing about Seattle people: Stupid.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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