I Will Type What I Feel.

For those of you who don’t approve of what I type?

I am beyond doing anything for approval.  That was my

Parents job.  Stop picking fights with me.  As WordPress states

We have a freedom to express.

I do not troll others posts, that’s not me.

I do not stalk someone on their social media sites.  As lonely as I can get, come on even I can find constructive ways to fill my time.

So I blog on my own site. 

With that said, now onto my writing.   Today is Saturday, its a total mess!  Lots & lots of rain.  Basically this time of year I prefer to call it the Pacific Northwest monsoon season only not quite as bad as in other parts of the World primarily Southeast Asia.  Finally its tapered off.

My blog today isn’t particularly earth shattering.  But I wanted to write something down.  

I’m home today eating soup, watching The Guardian.  If I could do things differently when I was in the Military it would have been to join the Coast Guard.  Hadn’t heard of them when I was 18.  Only recruiter on my high school campus was the Army recruiter and oh boy was he full of shit.

Anyway, I’m doing alright.  I’m already planning on what I’ll do tomorrow something I am not always good at doing. 

Church is at the top of my list.  After much shopping around I picked one over In North City.  Basically at this point in my life I want absolutely no relationships outside of friendships.  None.  I’ve read in online reviews & the Churches website that its a friendly Church so no clicques or folks that deliberately ignore you if they don’t know you type of nonsense.  Based on much shopping around with some of the Chuches this is what I’ve found.    The way I figure it is, Church is not a bad idea.  I hope to make some good friends.  Learn spirituality, which will help me in the long run, like fueling up the car after a long trip.   For me I’m totally running on fumes at this point.

Outside the spiritual communities I’ve found it to be:

Selfish

meanspirited

Among some other things I’ve experienced all throughout my adult life.  I need more.  Plus besides my goal of attend school, with the hope of relocating once I’ve graduated, I need more substance than what I have now.

Basically my life will revolve around:

Church

Volunteering

A part time job ( Don’t wish to work as a cashier, ever notice how some places always stick the women in that position?)

Music lessons ( I used to be an accompolished piano player, but on a small venue, but I was good).

Martial arts

It’s time to get serious.

No more silliness.

If all of these life’s situations haven’t continued to plague me, I would been involved in all of these things.  However its never too late cause at one time I was involved with one or more of the list of extracurricular activities.

Can’t be worried about what someone thinks of my blogs.  I’m an awesome writer with the potential to write a great novel.

Who knows what the future may hold for me.

I must say that I really had wished someone would have said this to me when I was around 12-18 years of age right around the time Mom & I fled California to come to Washington,wow what a crazy time that was.  Those critical years when there would have been a chance for success.  Where I wouldn’t have suffered so much of how cruel the World can be.  Although the childhood I had was horrendous and I mean real horrendous where I was stripped of any amount of dignity and that is both figuratively & literally I must rebuild. 

I think I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, much like when a natural disaster hits a town, it is then rebuilt better than ever before.

Well I like to think of my life as a town devastated by a Natural disaster, were there was not so much emergency relief, but the will to rebuild albeit real slowly to be better than ever before!  

I’m much like a carpenter trying to build myself a house, but every time I try then I’m knocked over by a full gale force wind.

Like those courageous folks in:

New Orleans

Joplin Missouri

Oklahoma

North Carolina

And other cities & towns I didn’t mention

I will rebuild better than ever before! 

PS Look for a more updated version of my blog through the WordPress premium package.  Been saving, cause it ain’t free.

Time for a coffee run.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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