PTSD It’s Very Real & Not Too Be Dismissed!

Dear Everyone,

Today is Sept 30th.

I had a severe case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome)  From a hate crime that I experienced 3 years ago in August 2010.

What trigged it was talking with someone from the Alliance of People with Disabilities, its a not so great place in my opinion cause this agency treats you like your developmentally disabled. 

The lady who works there her name is Claudia said to me that she knew of an elderly man who was opening up his own psychiatry practice.

However, when I talked with Claudia today she says to me that this dipshit requires a 2hr accessment, which I don’t mind because I have a story that needs telling.  I’ve suffered so much that I thought that I would lose my mind.  That’s what people need to realize with me when they shoot me down for being so nice, would you have me shoot up everything in site?  Think about it folks the next time you feel the need to talk down to me, being sarcastic, or taking pot shots because you think me a nerd.  

So what I’ve learned was this dipshit is charging 500.00 for the 2hr accessment.   I think he is on crack.  No wonder psychiatry is so lucrative.

That is what set me off.  Too many mountains for me to move, not speed bumps but mountatains!  I punched the circuit board I yelled at the top of my lungs I then called myself racial slurs.  Some people cut, I don’t do that I just hit my head into a wall and I am in a frenzy over the lack of support or comfort whenever anything horrendous happens to me.  You all will dismiss this.  Well good for you.  I cannot afford to .   I ‘m in some serious pain.  Real serious pain.  I’m in some trouble here.  It’s so bad that if I encounter another bad incident I’ll be on the ready to fight for my respect.   I have nothing to lose.  And I’m tired of being pushed around, I now want to push back.

I have a weapons permit too.  I may consider buying one.  But for right now I carry a knife & pepper spray.

Whenever I have a tragic event no one cares how I am.  It’s the one reason I really hate other people.   I loathe everyone.

I don’t know I’ve been hurt so much that I just don’t give a damn.   Can’t find anyone who will help me.  Can’t get a counselor who will listen to me. 

So be aware & you know who you are don’t leave me messages because I am angry & I’ll hurt your feelings!  Don’t have your stupid girlfriend send me messages.  I never read it.  It went into the trash! 

Think you two country bumpkins can do that?  Good! 

I just don’t like the World.  Don’t know why God has me going through this shit.   I’m not real happy & I’ve lost faith in my fellow man & woman.   Just don’t dismiss how I feel….PTSD is real everyone & its devastatingly painful, and you feel all alone cause you have no one to talk to.  Mom?  OH Puhleeze.  She is useless.  She is a real weak person.  She couldn’t even get me out of an abusive situation with my Father & his Wife.  I had to risk my life running away.   If I weren’t so rebellious I’d be dead or in prison.

And why?  I sure can’t depend on anyone to come to my aid or watch my back!  I come from a family that’s real weak. 

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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