That Visit To Auntie’s House

Thursday October 10th,

At the library using the wireless, no internet at home.  I’m sitting here just brooding because once again I managed to forget to bring a pen!  I have paper but no pen.  And I can’t just get up to get one of those stubby little pencils because that would mean leaving my laptop alone (Hell no, we all know what would happen to the laptop) Or I’d have to log off, unplug my laptop to go get a pencil.

Guess I’ll have to book mark whatever webpage I find interesting.

When I went to my Aunties house over in the suburb of Mercer Island, that was so great for me.  Going over to her house brought back great memories for me.  My first visit ever to her house was when I was 5 years old!   Auntie has lived in her house since 1968.   One of the first  and only African American to live in such an affluent neighborhood.   A very big deal everyone!   Back then houses in affluent areas weren’t exactly extending welcome arms to minorities in any neighborhood outside of restricted zones, let alone an affluent area like Mercer Island.  But I suspect that my Aunt had some real good connections.     I say right on!   It does pay to have good connections as long as those connections aren’t corrupt or evil like

THE 1% of the Worlds wealthy. Find out the truth for yourself, cause its frightening!
Anyway, while at Auntie’s home we were talking & my Aunt had suggested that I should go to college (already plan to) and study Psychology.
Now I know that she meant well, but for me it just wouldn’t be a great fit. Here’s why. I hate hearing anyone elses problems, I never used to be that way, years of abuse has turned me jaded, cynical, non trusting as far as people go. I just don’t have the temperament for something like that. However, I told her thank you.
I have my aspirations on Marine Biology or Oceanography. I want to see beauty in the World, I love the ocean since I was a little girl although I didn’t get to the beach much, didn’t come from a family that seemed interested in the beach and I grew up in California not far from Santa Monica! Real boring, inactive, somewhat ignorant to try anything new.
I love anything aquatic. As a little kid I love the series Jacques Cousteau. Now his son has followed in his Fathers footsteps.
I knew then that that was what I wanted to be.
Problem was no one I grew up with paid me any attention. Totally ignored, neglected was the order of the day.
I want to see beauty in a World that is filled with violence, danger, and destruction. OMG this new Century beginning with 2001 has been HORRENDOUS! to say the least! I’m still haunted by it. That’s all I’ll say on that you never know who is reading.
As I was getting ready this morning to come down to the library that very thought came to my mind.
I want to see beauty, and be around other people who share the same mindset as myself. I’ve so much trauma inside of me that I do need to offset it by beauty, colors, blue water.
My goal is to earn an AA degree in Oceanography.
THEN
Move, not vacation, to Hawaii to hopefully attend their school of Oceanography which I’ve read is the best in the Country.
I will move regardless of which way the decision goes yay or nay.
The way I see it I will find some sort of temporary shelter, get any kind of part time job, get an apartment cause my Section 8 will transfer, then apply, reapply, until I get accepted.
Hey its Hawaii Man! I don’t care if I’m working at Walmart! They only keep you part time anyway. But off course I’d try for other things.
Well that’s it for now.
My next blog will be a Part 2 segment of the awful public school system.
Don’t know if you read my Part 1 called Public School….it sucks, typed just like the way you see it here.
I now need to continue in my Part 2 on just how bad school was for me. And that by the time I graduated (HA) that I was at somewhere at a 6th grade level of math, written composition I didn’t fair well both then & now although my writing skills are great my grammar is sub par.
I will write more later, meanwhile I need to figure out how to get my hands on some kind of pen without moving from my spot.
lol!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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