Family Can’t Live With Them, Can’t Shove Them Off A Cliff

I’ve bee absent for a little while. I haven’t been well. Still struggling, and let me say this: When your doing all on your own without the love & support of family?…..It is pure torture ladies & gentlemen! I make no joke!
Today I’m at my local public library. I have 2 hours time on this particular station, so I’m thinking “Hey why not blog”? Because often when I log on I go blank as to where I want to go, much like when I am out in the public or whenever I wake up each morning asking myself “So what do I do”?
This blog is about FAMILY!
Mine is AWFUL!
I have just my Mother living, Father died seven years ago.
When my Mother remarried way back in the 70’s this time Husband #2 she married into the family with:
Husbands 2 sisters, one brother
Nieces, nephews
I had already been born.
Okay lets fast forward some years later after Mom had sense to divorce the jerk and onto the other family members who always seemed way to disrespectful of my Mother & I.
Mothers ex Husband was a Wife beater.
We never got ANY help or support.
Once we arrived in Washington from California no one had seen to how we were doing.
Mom was one angry woman over just about everything.
Guess who was on the receiving end of her rages most of the time?
Yeah, you guessed it was me.
But this isn’t about Mom’s constant rage while I was a young adolescent….which no one bothered to intervene on my behalf.
What has got me mad is that a COUSIN that was my former stepdads niece (Mom’s 2nd husband) has decided to fly up to Washington from her home in Las Vegas Nevada.
I was told by Mom that she wanted to see her & I.
Why? No idea, because my friends I could count on my one hand the number of times I actually got to see this woman & even then it wasn’t for any long length of time!
She never, ever visited, phoned, wrote a letter…NOTHING.
Mom & I barely escaped with our lives & we just got NADA in support.
And we did have a very difficult time! Especially me dealing with her instability.
So this so called Cousin flys up to visit with another relative & now everyone wants to pretend that we are one big happy family.
Only one problem though:
I don’t KNOW this woman!
From the information that I heard directly from my one Counsin Ray who hung out with this wretch SHE has flown up to Washington State for MANY YEARS previously to party with Ray & do whatever else.
Why didn’t she come visit Mom & I?
Well it seems to me that we just weren’t all that important on her busy itinerary.
She is a PHONY! And was always , always spoiled rotten!
So, suffice it to say I really shouldn’t be all that surprised to learn that she hasn’t really changed nor have any idea how she comes across to anyone.
She claims to be Christian, yet does the opposite of what a Christian should do.
She inherits a big chunk of money after her parents passed away & yet she won’t cough up ONE DIME to get her step brother some dentures for his mouth!
In conclusion, I told my Mother that I couldn’t in all honesty stomach breaking bread at the same table she sits at!
I just didn’t have any desire whatsoever to see this odious woman.
Mom on the other hand was like “Oh let bygones be bygones” all she cared about was that someone else was going to do the cooking so she didn’t have to. A free meal in other words, Mom hates to cook! Everything else to her it seemed was irrelevent.
I’m still upset & my PTSD is trying to rear its ugly head as well.
In addition I just fired my therapist. Too expensive, he seems out of it most of the time, and he is like 80 years old.
Hope you all are well.
My spirituality is what keeps me going but even so, I still get so very depressed & flounder with hopelessness.
Take care
Thanks for reading


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact:

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