Jealousy At The Womens Shelter

Friday May 23, 2014

I’m at a local library at a neighboring suburb today.

So, let me tell you about life at the women’s shelter.   Like just about anywhere else when your living with a bunch of women there will always be some you get along with, some you don’t, some you just can’t stand, or some that you just can’t stand & avoid at all costs.   Yup, this happens everyone no matter who you are.   Because all of us women come from very different backgrounds, nearly all of us come from a background of SEVERE abuse either domestic or childhood.   Then a small percentage suffered what I term “a natural disaster trauma”  like the one lady, who lost her house in a fire.   Hope to Jesus she had insurance or something.    That last one I mentioned is real bad.   I think this particular lady copes with humor & medication.  She seems to be taking everything in stride, but then again you just never know what is going on inside the head.

For me it hasn’t been easy either.   There are at least 2 that I just don’t like.   One is an older woman petite, White, however she is the resident from Hell & somewhat of a control freak!  As an adult survivor of childhood abuse?  This particular one freaks me the hell out!    I will give you all out there an example:

So I’m sitting at one of the computer stations that the shelter has (donated by the local Rotary Club) I’m searching for housing which isn’t easy since there is a real tight affordable housing crunch going on these days.

I had a list that was on some paper listing some affordable housing addresses along with their websites.   I’m in the habit of going to kiosks at where I may be & grabbing any & all information on where to go for affordable housing.   I pick up so much information that more often than not I just don’t remember where I got which piece of info from where.

I had such a list propped up on one side of the computer.

The fellow resident a woman looks over my shoulder (something which I really hate) and says in a very accusing tone the following:

“Where’d you get that from?”  (referring to the list I had propped up on one side of the computer)  I’m thinking “What a nosy little bitch she is”   this was what I was thinking.   What I actually said was: “I don’t remember where I got this paper from”  which was true.     Then this woman says:  “Well no one gave me that kind of list”

This made me angry, and I’ll tell you why everyone.

First of all no one GAVE ME ANYTHING!  I keep my eyes & ears open for information that will help me along in getting the housing that I need.   And as I’m typing this I think I am remembering where I got the list from, but what does that matter.   I’m just sick & tired of controlling people & their damn accusatory statements.  

So what would be the solution?

Go & talk with staff to send out a sort of blanket statement about minding ones own business.

And

Keep more to my damn self!  Which means spending a whole lot less time in the commons area which is an area where the residents dine & where the computer stations are located.  

Spend more time at my cubicle which is where I also sleep, listening to my music, reading, and once my laptop is fixed watching a DVD.

Also I need to start coming back to the shelter a little later (the curfew there is 10:30PM) 

I mean really!  Since when is it okay to police what I do? especially when all I’m doing is trying to figure out where the hell to stay, where I can live in PEACE!

My Mother who has been a great big support to me told me that these women are jealous of just about everything & that they will nit pick, they are unhappy (well so am I to some extent, you don’t see me whining)  I have no time to deal with “others stuff”   Cause I have enough of my own thank you very much!

This other woman is pure diva!  She is impatient, doesn’t like doing chores, and intentionally leaves things undone.   Perfect example was this morning when she left the compost sliding door open ALL THE WAY!  and stomped off back to the dorm claiming that she forgot where the compost bags were (that’s her chore).   She has a temper & expects everyone to PAY ATTENTION TO HER!   And when you don’t she gets mad.   I’ve seen it.   Yet she makes no effort at sitting down at the table to talk to  anyone,  then she just doesn’t have ANYTHING to talk about.   She is all silliness & worse a compulsive liar.   So guess what?  I avoid her all together because to me she’s trouble.   I go to great lengths to keep my distance from her.   I don’t have time for that!

Looks like in staying here I got MORE than what I bargained for in that I’m around other women’s constant negative energy!

I think I’ll be eating out tonight.   

Tune in for more of this damn soap opera you all!  What a person has to go through when they don’t have money & they need a place to stay!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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