Because On WordPress Is The ONLY Place Where I Have A Voice!

It is very difficult to put into words just how oppressive & to some extent dehumanizing my life has been as an African American female.   For half of my life people from Teachers, fellow students at school, parents, relatives, even strangers just assumed that I was stupid.   I can’t even tell you how many times I was called stupid because it has been so many.

When it came to my intelligence?  The jury was always OUT!  I mean I got ZERO in the encouragement department.   No one had the tiniest bit of tolerance or patience to help me learn.   And that pisses me off like you would not believe!!

I get so many mixed messages.   First I’m deemed not smart, now as an adult I’m smart.   Make up your minds folks!

So its at this point in my life:  I’m homeless, unemployed, and having a difficult time figuring out just how to pay for school that really frustrates even depresses me.  

The only place I feel I can express all the oppression & verbal beat downs with which I receive is here on Word press.

This country hates on African American women, and this is no lie!

When it comes to education we get totally left out!   Teachers expect less from us, and hell the majority of Teachers in the public schools don’t even want to be bothered with us.   To those Teachers I say “Fuck Off”

I want to learn engineering.   And you know what?  I’m more than capable of learning it.   I’m smart, I always have been.   Going through trauma is like getting into a car accident.   It can sometimes take YEARS to recover much like childhood & adult trauma.   But for the most part a lot of people seem too obtuse to understand this.

Also understand this:   When you constantly berate a child for not doing something correctly you do NOT call them derogatory names, insult them, or question their intelligence.   To those of you that do this, you should be taken out back & shot for being so ignorant of this fact.

I want to learn engineering.

I want to invent things.

I have it in me to do so.

To all of the haters past & present?

Kiss my ass cause once I MAKE IT & become a success I’ll be more than happy to throw it in your face.

To be continued….

 

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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