Not Sure Just Where I Fit In The World.

This World of ours in the 21st Century is more confusing than at any other time in my life.   For nearly my whole life to this very day I just don’t  he have any idea where I FIT INTO  the scheme of things.    I never married (Praise be to God)  Never had children (Are you kidding I barely survived being a kid myself)  and so now I’m at a time in my life trying to figure things out.    I never received any support around my development either, everyone who I ever knew were either impatient, hostile, or downright uncaring about even listening to me.    All I ever got was HOW THEY FELT.   Never have I ever had someone who would just LISTEN to me, and how I felt.   It’s left me real wounded inside.  

I withdraw further into myself because the trust in other PEOPLE has completely eroded into NOTHING!  I seek refuge in some books to read or I watch old TV westerns.    It’s all I like.   As I’ve said in my last blog I could care less about how the Seattle Seahawks are doing, because I’m more concerned WITH HOW I’M DOING!     Because for me its really tough going all across the board.    For most of my life I’ve crossed paths or dealt with the most unstable of people & that’s including my immediate family.     It’s most  sad everyone.

Often it feels like I walk around in the World & the other People have their heads encased inside of a fishbowl, oblivious to every & anything else going on in the World.     Feels like walking around in the Twilight Zone.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone.     This is not  living.    It’s a living Hell!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

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