What I’ve been told….A Poem Of Vent

Been told no my whole life.

Been told I was useless

Been told “your a woman”  And “Women can’t do that”

Been told (regarding learning in school) “You still don’t understand that yet”?

Been told “Well how much fucking encouragement do you need”? (this was said while I struggled to write a 10th grade composition when I was in high school)

Been told that “Just because your Mother married into this family doesn’t mean that you belong to this family”   (Now that hurts_

Been told “You sure are stupid”(when I couldn’t get a math problem 3rd grade)

Been told “Well (insert a name of a neighborhood kid who was smart & did everything right) so & so does this & that why can’t you”?

Been told “you now have 10 minutes to learn to tie your shoes (I was 5)

People out there you really need to pay attention because WORDS HURT.   For whatever reason when it comes to yours truly I don’t seem to be included.

I now struggle with anger & rage.    Although I pray, I struggle across the board.   But don’t worry because now I will talk back & you might not like what I have to say if you insult me.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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