My Goals for 2015

I spent New Years Eve in an hospital inpatient facility. It wasn’t bad except when I was checking in it was pretty demeaning for which I won’t go into detail. I just didn’t want to be alone is all. I checked out after only 3 days because I had differences with the hospital social worker whom I felt really wasn’t listening to me.
I wanted help with my current living situation. I live alone & its hard. I’m now adapting, however I don’t want to renew my lease. I’m researching other possible living situations that are better suited for me.
Living with mental illness all on your own is 10 times harder than when you don’t have a M.I.
It’s just not easy. I must figure every single step of my life all on my own w/o any support. I sure don’t have that luxury folks! Life sure isn’t a picnic!
But, despite the hardships I endure I have goals which are:
1. Vocational school -possibly a first responder EMT
2. A better living environment for myself
3. find quality friends
4. No more pining away for a relationship, b/c I don’t want one
5. No longer desire a same sex relationship, given up, possibly may want a boyfriend in the future someone stable, mature and who doesn’t have alot of baggage. Women just don’t meet that criteria, and I know after 3 decades of hanging with them.
6. Get a job & go to school
7. Go to NAMI support groups
I still face challenges I just kind of go through my day by not really caring what anyone thinks & by ignoring people out on the street. I don’t trust anyone! Remember I am a woman who is ALWAYS traveling alone & on the bus.
8. I continue to ask for your prayers, I’m doing somewhat better emotionally but the days are still very much a struggle.
I need a good friend!

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

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