I’ve never really known a time when someone wasn’t hating on me.
I’ve received so much racial hate, been called names (real insulting ones)
that I think that I would faint from shock if I were treated nice
I’m African American. When I’m nice I get kicked in the gut (not literally)
If I happen to have a bad day, then it’s like:
“See what did I tell you, those black people (insert some negativity)
Especially here in the State I live in where the people seem to live in a perpetual time machine
dating the 1950’s, where race is concerned.
I’m not sure about other States across the nation but I can say that Washington State is pretty bad.
I’ve now nicknamed this place “The State That Time Forgot”.
Perhaps if I joined the right kinds of clubs. I am looking into it after all when your wearing many hats in your own life, have no help or encouragement….and I mean NEVER have any help, a person tends to get exhausted with all the stuff that needs to be done.
I don’t know how many of you out there live in Washington, or, perhaps you live elsewhere, but this State is so socially isolating for it’s black women residents.
It sucks even more when there is no family support. My family is into medical marijuana & watches TV.
And THERE YOU HAVE IT!
I like: Martial arts, jogging, all things outdoors, going to the driving range to hit golf balls ( No really its pretty fun).
How I keep going is a mystery to me.
I often feel like the last person on Earth or something.
Which brings me to the reason I typed this blog to begin with.
I have the TV on. I’m house sitting this week. The lady I house sit for has cable, so there is this new show coming to TV called “The Last Man On Earth”. Usually I’m a cynic when it comes to anything on TV since I don’t subscribe to cable at my own apartment.
But the premise of a guy all alone on planet Earth struck such irony with me that I kind of find the show a little bit appealing.
In one preview scene the guy in question is in an empty bar room talking to a football. The football had a face painted on it. Just like that Tom Hanks movie where he is stranded on an island talking to a volleyball.
I’m so used to all this alienation that I’m now numb to it.
I think I may be shut down emotionally.
A protective emotional thing I guess.
My life is like a bad nightmare that I wish
I would awaken from.
I would like to hear some positive feedback from some of you women who either have had or currently have issues of social isolation. White, black, or whatever. My journey is so exhausting.
Well at least I don’t waste my time away sitting in front of the TV
Here in the U.S if your a person of color, any nationality other than white? You’ve really got to fight for your rights on EVERYTHING!
The main one we’ve got to take a firm stand?
Unless one is born into a family of status i.e. you had parents who were educated, joined the right kinds of clubs, basically…PRIVILEGE, people of color have got such an uphill battle to fight just to live any kind of decent life, because quite honestly? No one cares. It’s the truth.
Instituitional racism exists in the public school systems nationwide.
And pretty much everywhere else.
These issues came up to the surface for me on the eve of meeting with my vocational rehabilitation counselor.
For the State that I live in.
For me? This & the other appointments that will follow is very important.
I feel that, I need to go into this meeting KNOWING which direction to go to, which goals etc.
I certainly DO NOT put this into the hands of the social worker with whom I will assume could care less.
I don’t trust people who work for the State, the courts (boy did the court system screw both my Mother & I during the child custody years when I was a child, but thats a whole other blog 😦 )
What I’m trying to express here is that I guess I don’t want to be manipulated by someone into thinking that I am LESS THAN!
I will NOT apply for any more menial jobs.
I want a CAREER, that pays a livable wage
I don’t wish to end up like my Step brother and here is what had happened to him.
My Stepbrother whom I’ll call “Craig” (not real name) was a young man who had moved
to Washington State from California.
He applied to Job Corp, which was a good decision. However, he ended up becoming a Certified Nursing Assistant, which I felt was a bit unusual choice for a young man. For those of you who don’t know the duties of a C.N.A. ….well it isn’t real great job in my opinion.
To spare you what its actually entailed I suggest you look it up for yourself online.
I felt that Craig got steered into this job, because of racial bias.
This C.N.A. job is a menial job, very stressful, and pays terrible.
What I think may have happened was that my Stepbrother had no clue what he wanted to study through job corp. He was a former gang member thus to sum it up? Discrimination from whoever was in charge of his case.
Hey people, it does happen, I ain’t stupid this goes on all the time.
My Step brother I feel got the major shaft, I’m real sure that the person handling my Step brothers case just didn’t care.
As for me? I’ve been online doing nothing but research all week. I had to really sit & THINK about what it is I would like to do & actually get paid for doing that.
This was easier said than done.
I first had to go over & over in my mind things I LIKE to do. I then had to cross reference that with what I could do in the real World.
This was difficult.
Good news is I have what I feel is basically a good direction on what I’d like to do.
Now the next step is to prepare. Which for me means taking Math courses I was always pretty good at it, unfortunately I was always told I was less than intelligent at it by a variety of people.
Food for thought everyone? Albert Einstein actually DID struggle in math!
So there you have it.
When I go to my appointment with the Dept Of Vocational Rehab counselor I need to be confident & be alert for any kind of manipulative conversation steering me in a direction where I don’t want to go.
I’ve found a pattern.
And that pattern is, that throughout MUCH of my life the various people really don’t bother to look below the surface. I mean come on everyone, you all just can’t judge a book by its cover, you all would be surprised that the majority of people out in this World do just that:
Dysfunctional family members
The list goes on & on.
People of color in this World especially in the U.S. have to work 10 times harder to get anything!
NOTHING is ever fair in the World either.
This is something that I never forget.
I guess the one blessing is that I have such a tremendous inner strength, but at times I do get frustrated & exhausted..mentally.
And the fight goes on!
The beauty is that through disappointment
you can gain clarity
and with clarity comes
conviction and true originality
All right, allow me to break it down for you all on just what my friend goes through as a:
Who has lost everything: House, money the whole hot dog.
My homeless friend:
Gets verbally abused as well as she gets discriminated against.
Her last stay at a womans shelter she was kicked out for no other reason than
the staff hated her.
Now doesn’t that smell of discrimination & hate? It does to me.
She is in bad shape too.
My friend has gone from being wealthy to living in deplorable conditions.
Guess what everyone? No one gives a damn to help her.
I have called many places.
Here in this crummy state there isn’t ENOUGH AFFORDABLE housing.
There are waitlists EVERYWHERE!
And alot of the agencies just don’t care.
This infuriates me, people here are lazy!
I don’t know what to do for my friend.
It just doesn’t look good.
I wish I could go to some kind of support group for something like this.
You know, a support group for people who have homeless friends.
This is a VERY serious issue for me everyone. I’m extremely sensitive.
I’ve even sent multiple prayer requests online to help her.
I’m just plain upset.
Probably no one even cares out there.
But I sure do.