How I cope?

Wow, so today I’m finally up & out of bed. I had slept so well. Reason? I’m house sitting & its a whole lot quieter over here. Where I live? Is a ground floor apartment. And I don’t need to tell all of you that it is a major pain in the ass, if your upstairs neighbors exhibit alot of anger i.e. punching the walls, yelling screaming at their: girlfriend, boyfriend or whatever…this last one? I HATE! I grew up around alot of violence among the very same people (parents) who had raised me. Also domestic violence.
A little advise for you couples who fight? Get your ass away from your partner, check into a motel, cool off, and get some COUNSELING for goodness sakes please! cause it isn’t fair for the rest of us to have to hear your B.S.
However I digress.
Here’s how I cope with:
lack of family around

Here is a partial list of how I do it. For you that are in the same boat? You may have different coping skills.
1. Watching my favorite shows (on DVD) from the 80’s & 70’s. I prefer the old classic shows of my youth. TV today sucks!
My recommendations fellow bloggers & readers: Hunter The Complete series
The Carol Burnett Show (Some of the skits are corny, but there are some prize gem comedy skits & music finales.
2. I write & I blog. I direct my anger & sometimes a little bit of joy (which hasn’t been lately) into the written word everyone. I realize that some or all of you may not agree with me? Well that’s not why I write. I write to get that 2,000 pound load off my chest & head.
3. I go for a walk. That sure has helped. There is a great trail I have recently used, however I stay vigilant & pack a portable weapon of O.C. spray + something else secretly stashed on my person JUST IN CASE. I don’t trust anybody.
4. Martial Arts (thats pending due to money, but will enroll once I have met my goal)
5. House sitting. Theres a nice house, and 3 little dogs.
6. I do want a dog. However my apartment charges 400 dollars just for a deposit! So I have a pet deposit in addition to what it may cost to buy a small dog. Or getting one at the dog pound. So its pending everyone.
7. Goals everyone! I’ve set my sights & aspiration on a career goal, I’ve changed my mind alot. It’s the maritime. Still pending on this one. Since I have to act as my own career counselor (remember I have never had any help on the direction of my life EVER) this one is still in the works. Still waiting on the vocational counseling agency run by the State to re-open my case. Yeah, its a long story.
8. Well thats it for now.
It makes me so sad that in all of my life NO ONE took the time to give me any direction whatsoever, and that hurts me worse than all of the verbal + physical abuse + abandonment from my Mother at a young age, put together.
How I steered clear of being one of SEVERAL women of color to avoid incarceration is a F**king mystery to me.
I wouldn’t mind finding the love of my life right about now, but maybe it will happen.
Like the song says I NEED A MIRACLE.


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact:

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