Racism, Bigotry Back In Vogue? Actually they never went away

You know?
I’ve never really known a time when someone wasn’t hating on me.
I’ve received so much racial hate, been called names (real insulting ones)
that I think that I would faint from shock if I were treated nice
I’m African American. When I’m nice I get kicked in the gut (not literally)
If I happen to have a bad day, then it’s like:
“See what did I tell you, those black people (insert some negativity)
Especially here in the State I live in where the people seem to live in a perpetual time machine
dating the 1950’s, where race is concerned.
I’m not sure about other States across the nation but I can say that Washington State is pretty bad.
I’ve now nicknamed this place “The State That Time Forgot”.
Perhaps if I joined the right kinds of clubs. I am looking into it after all when your wearing many hats in your own life, have no help or encouragement….and I mean NEVER have any help, a person tends to get exhausted with all the stuff that needs to be done.
I don’t know how many of you out there live in Washington, or, perhaps you live elsewhere, but this State is so socially isolating for it’s black women residents.
We’re invisible.
It sucks even more when there is no family support. My family is into medical marijuana & watches TV.
I like: Martial arts, jogging, all things outdoors, going to the driving range to hit golf balls ( No really its pretty fun).
How I keep going is a mystery to me.
I often feel like the last person on Earth or something.
Which brings me to the reason I typed this blog to begin with.
I have the TV on. I’m house sitting this week. The lady I house sit for has cable, so there is this new show coming to TV called “The Last Man On Earth”. Usually I’m a cynic when it comes to anything on TV since I don’t subscribe to cable at my own apartment.
But the premise of a guy all alone on planet Earth struck such irony with me that I kind of find the show a little bit appealing.
In one preview scene the guy in question is in an empty bar room talking to a football. The football had a face painted on it. Just like that Tom Hanks movie where he is stranded on an island talking to a volleyball.
I’m so used to all this alienation that I’m now numb to it.
I think I may be shut down emotionally.
A protective emotional thing I guess.
My life is like a bad nightmare that I wish
I would awaken from.
I would like to hear some positive feedback from some of you women who either have had or currently have issues of social isolation. White, black, or whatever. My journey is so exhausting.
Well at least I don’t waste my time away sitting in front of the TV


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color