Family, You Can Count On Them…To Stab You In The Back!

I’m trying to obtain my passport so that I can travel to Canada to get a break from odious Washington state.
To do that I had to get a couple of documents notarized at the local bank, due to the fact that I have a different last name than what is on my birth certificate.
Thats a bit of a story that I’ll save for another blog…but in short when my Mother & I had to flee California when I was 12 she was REAL concerned for our safety.
So, back to my documents.
I needed a witness for my documents to be notarized, so I had my Aunt, the one who took both my Mother & I in when we were fleeing her psycho brother all those many years ago. Yeah, those passport rules are a bitch!
It was real sad to see her.
My Aunt is now in her 80’s had an oxygen tank.
She was driven to the bank by my Cousin 😦 we both cannot stand each other.
Why? No idea, she decided that she wanted nothing to do with me to including treating me like I’m the foulest alien and so I reciprocated. Total bitch.
Try as I might to treat her with respect, guess what? She just isn’t having it. Rude & indifferent to the core.
My Aunt on the other hand was so nice to me. I really needed her for this because she had to verify that I was who I said I was due to the discrepancy in my last name.
Here is what makes my blood boil.
The whole procedure of getting the two documents notarized took only minutes. During this time the dear sweet Cousin didn’t even bother to sit & wait she just took off somewhere, who knows.
Auntie & me went over to the seating area to wait for Cruel-la (I mean Cousin Dearest) to return from her mysterious disappearance. It seems that Auntie had a document that needed to be notarized as well.
Once Broom Hilda returned I immediately got up & said my goodbye to Auntie.
Auntie had wanted me to stay until she had her document notarized, Cousin then says
“We have alot of appointments after this” (referring to the notary) with all the feeling of a lamp post.
I simply thanked them for their time, then left.
I was not happy at how I was treated.
But thats how Family can be. I have one of the most toxic families around.
A family that is cold, distant, and who has all the warmth of a walk in freezer.
When I returned back home I was livid!
I tried to call a couple of crisis lines but it didn’t help.
Here is what is going on in my head.
All of my life I’ve always felt that when you treat someone nice, that you’ll get it in return.
But! for some reason this just hasn’t been the case for me, and it’s caused some real serious trust issues.
And people! I’ve been though some serious shit in my life of the kind that really can send one running to the nearest mental hospital or institution. Or have me running to the nearest drug dealer because I have some serious issues to include losing one of my Parents to Cancer ( and w/o any comfort or support)
I now don’t trust anyone.
I now doubt that anyone is any damn good.
I don’t believe in love, so I therefore have definitely given up ever finding true love.
That shit is for TV or a fair tale.
It doesn’t exist in my life.
All I care about now is getting to Canada.
No, wait first get the job in Canada then move.
Perhaps I’ll feel better later.


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact:

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color