Not All Fathers Are Good.

I tried to go to Church.   Unfortunately it was on Fathers Day.  I say this because I kept hearing just how much all of us should appreciate Dad.   I grew irate.  Not angry but irate.  Here’s why.

My Father blew into my life like one of those tumble weeds in a bad western one day while I was at recess announcing “Hi I’m your Dad”.   I was seven years old, my parents split when I was 2 years old.   My Mothers new Husband was whom I called Daddy.   My biological Father caused both my Mother & I lots of grief.   The custody battle was real NASTY!  And I was right smack dab in the middle.  My so called Father just didn’t care about emotional scars, the trauma he put me & Mother through he just wanted me much like a farmer who wants to buy a prize pig.   That’s how I see it.   If he had any love for me he sure wouldn’t have treated me like a prison inmate.   So after all the drama subsided from the child custody I stayed with that odious man who was my biological Father & his cruella Wife for fours years age 8-12 years of age.   I was never allowed nor was it ever suggested I contact my Mother.   In fact whenever I tried to contact my Mother I was physically subdued or a lock was placed onto the only phone in the house.    On the only occasion I did get through to my Mother she came right over & knocked on the door.  I wanted to see my Mother.   What did dear old Dad do?  He physically restrained me on the bed not allowing me to see my Mother.     Now I don’t expect anyone to even have an inkling of understanding about how I feel about my Father.   He is dead.   Hopefully he has enough sun screen because in my mind he deserves to spend eternity in the after life of everlasting flames.     Thanks Dad for all the pain, trauma, psychological scars you’ve caused me & Mom.   So glad I had the guts to run away & not get caught by you.    I did in fact get reunited with Mother 4 years later so I did get someone’s attention, got someone who gave a damn.   Messege to you parents out there?  Work your shit out & quit putting your kids in the middle.   Trust me when I say that when you act selfishly your fucking up your kids for life.

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color