I’ve got rage & know how to use it.

Okay so today wasn’t one of my better days.  I’m out going to the store to get a few things because I always run out of something.  I’m walking towards the back of the parking lot at the local Safeway grocery trying to cross over towards the side walk where I want to enter the store.  when what happens?  a white boy with a baseball cap driving his BMW , he doesn’t have a blinker, taking the corner too fast nearly runs into me.   Now I will tell the truth here.  I have so much anger & resentment towards the whites I’m sorry but I do.   Here’s why, the Portland Oregon hate crime against the two muslim women, and yes I do know that not one not two but THREE Caucasian men came to their rescue and let me say that that in itself is a rarity like one in a million they are TRUE HERO’S.     Black American women know of no such compassion.  Ever.  I am enraged that white supremacy is really out in the open, within the last few years blatant racism has grown worse .   President Trump in office it seems to me that whites feel its okay to disrespect, mistreat, racially slur non whites.   I felt a sudden urge to purge my rage .   It wasn’t right but I feel so powerless in this world that is so unfair to people of color, poor people, disabled ( all of which trump hates) so when I called the guy MF it was cruel, and I said a whole lot more after that once he called me out my name.   I won’t go into that cause it was wrong.   In my misguided way I really wanted to send this punk a message and that was “hey don’t fuck with me”

He seemed to think it funny.   I sure didn’t.   I know how dangerous this world is.   I know that I’m walking a very fine line.   I’m tired of the way I’m treated.  I feel very devalued.  I’m real tired of not being respected especially by ignorant young white boys who don’t know shit.

I think that most of my anger comes from watching the trailer of the movie Birth of a nation the story of the Nat Turner uprising.  He encouraged the slaves to rebel.  if you want to know the rest do your own damn research.  Not much has really changed except now we have mass incarceration, a total devaluation of women of color, and guess who makes up the majority of our penal system for both men & women, ,  African American, Hispanic cultures.  I have to say that the hate crime I endured 7 years ago complete with threats to stab me, kill me, and calling me a whore (which come on white people not all African American women are promiscuous, I haven’t had any intimacy going on 20+ years, a whore?  really?)   It is not easy to move on from that.  My whole god damned world changed.   Thank God that I begin counseling the day after tomorrow and that took time many years in fact to find someone.  I’m hoping I have gotten it right with this one.  She is Hispanic deals with multi cultural dynamics etc.  she lowered her rate some, tried the lower sliding fee therapists but some of them seem so clueless about what African American women go through I usually dropped them after a period of time.   I feel that when the time comes for a possible significant other, and I’m through with women altogether they play too many games, immature, and too crazy.   I’ll go with someone of Hispanic or some other ethnicity , even a racial mix.   I want a boyfriend too.  definitely not a white one they’re cruel to African American women.   Oh and to some of you white boys you all are crazy too and don’t tell me your not.  Some of you do stupid stuff like drink till you puke at keg parties, balance your bodies up on the kegs then fall flat on your face (video tells the truth lol), act ignorant, can’t hold your liquor, beat your girlfriends, among many other disgusting & low life degenerate things all to prove how much of a so call man you are.  I know about the crazy shit you all do.   You want to write some shit about African American’s online then go look in the ******************* mirror I’ve seen it with my own two eyes cause you all record the shit.    This is my country too and America was never great to begin with if you don’t know this than you really need to read some  REAL history books & not the BS that is spoon fed to you.   Power to the people!

 

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Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America.

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color