I Survive All Of The Trauma Only To get Ignored/Neglected Again. Not Fair

I mean it’s not like I don’t open my mouth to reach out.  I do.   However there ain’t no one out here that will F**king listen to me!   I live alone for many years.  My childhood was HELL!  No love no nurturing but plenty of molesting, physical abuse, psychological abuse that could have matched any tactics that the C.I.A. could have done & who knows the people that raised me could have been demonically induced b/c they did a great job scaring the HELL out of me.   Anyhow, I survive all this shit only to get worse treatment as an adult and not just for a few years but ever since I turned 18 years of age.  I’m older now so far I’m a year older, same shit in fact more shit.  Still the cold indifferent Mother who just doesn’t seem to give a damn about nothing.  Today being Fathers day & my Dad having been dead awhile now you would think I would get some kind of emotional support….but no I don’t my Mother has all the personality of plywood…it was all about her as usual.   I try to call an extended family member but she didn’t seem at all interested in talking to me nor giving any kind of support not even a little bit.   It felt like I wasn’t even on the damn phone.

I feel so damn invisible.   I feel angry and I want to hurt someone real bad like lash out.   I guess it’s a good thing I live alone.  For me people are just shit.  I’ve really never known what its like to be treated well.   I’ve given up being nice it does no good.   Wished I could give my Mother a good smack in the face b/c she annoys me something bad.