I have lived alone….lets see for the better part of well I’m going to say 20+ years are so. I’ve simply lost track. I must say that it’s playing with my sanity as it’s doing just that today. I’m fully awake right now & for the last couple of hours I’ve been feeling like I am drifting in & out of a waking coma. I don’t feel like I’m of my body. I feel real detached. A minute ago I almost flew into a rage but luckily I diffused that by going on my knees calling out to God for help. I sure hope that he is listening to me. It is a warm day out but I’m totally oblivious to it all. I have no one to really call so that is not an option so as usual I have the tv on & I’m on my laptop simultaneously to keep me company. I can understand why people take drugs, cause life is very painful when there’s no family or friends around to see how your doing. I have one surviving parent but she’s very narcisstic and it’s like talking to a wall, I do better talking to myself because she sure doesn’t listen to me. I’m just telling it like it is. Man I can’t wait to get my shit together & move to Hawaii. But first I need to learn a trade then post that resume online to get an apprenticeship over there. I hate it here cause this is no kind of way to live. Part of my discouragement was when I spoke with a very young lady or girl on the phone at a church I was considering joining. , I left a message this kid calls me back but I knew from talking with her that she really didn’t know how to hold ANY kind of conversation with me. Not only that but she didn’t listen to me, she was making these phony, shallow comments when I attempted to open up to her about how it has been such a long time since I set foot in any church she seemed baffled. I could tell that she wasn’t sincere. I regret ever having called this person back. I knew when I hung up the phone that I wanted nothing to do with that church. I like being listened to. For example I said to her that I would be traveling by ACCESS van b/c the woman on the other end was giving me directions i.e. take hwy 99 to this exit etc when that wasn’t even necessary I take the Access van. Access is a paratransit van which I take everywhere especially since the death threat from a racist woman 7 years ago on a Sound Transit bus. The woman I spoke with just didn’t seem to be paying any kind of attention to what I said and I was feeling the anger well up inside of me. I’m sorry but the younger generation of 20 somethings seem clueless. Here’s a hint children: learn how to carry a conversation & learn something about life please because not everyone owns a car, not everyone works a 9-5 at a freakin tech job, and guess what kids? Not everyone has had the privilege you had to attend college. That’s right kids. Please learn how to relate to people over the phone, have a bit of substance to your conversation. I’ll certainly follow my gut on that church & go somewhere else. Peace!