Lets Talk About Suicide

I’m not an expert on the subject, but lets face it living life the way I do is a bitch!   No I have no magical answers, because I have to some level I want to die just about everyday.   I don’ t like living on my own, I don’t like not having the kind of friends that I want, I don’t like the quality of my life.    I do nothing, go nowhere, and I feel stuck, I have to tell you I do the best I can to problem solve but I end up with nothing.  I have tons of regrets wished I could have started life in ANY city than the one I live in.   The Pacific Northwest SUCKS!   It’s full of hate yes it is, liberal my ass!   Lgbt are hateful, whites are hateful, African Americans treat you like an alien, and other minorities act as though you don’t even belong.     I call it as I see it.    Therapists don’t want to deal with certain minorities don’t believe me do the research yourself…….if your latino:  great,   Asian: great   African American: sorry I have no openings .

And the constitution says every man is created equal?   I think not everyone.  Bruce Lee once was quoted as saying that the U.S. constitution everyman was created equal…..yeah everyone that’s white.

African Americans have a high suicide rate.   A person can only take so much.   I want to be loved, treated equally but that just isn’t going to happen.   I’m hoping to make it happen for myself but that is easier said than done.   Because I only know all too well that no one gives a damn about me.    I’m the invisible woman or I’m often looked upon with great disdain.    Really?   I’ve suffered at the hands of people who’ve done nothing but want to hurt me since I was 5 years old everyone one if you only knew the indignities, bullying, molestation were no one else was around to see to it that I was safe.   It’s now hard NOT  TO see that when it comes to women especially black women we seem as disposable as a tampon.    More to come

Don’t Jump!  Life still is shit.     😦


Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color