I Just Don’t Understand….

Some people who broadcast their personal business on a public bus.   No really I just got off a bus were a not so bright grown man talked about having served a six year prison term.  Thank god he didn’t say what the crime was & I was surprised that he didn’t.   See, I feel that you just shouldn’t do these kinds of things.  

Then the man talks about his half way house yada, yada,  yada.   Americans sure are getting more dumber by the day.     I rank that up there with all these men & women getting tattooed all over, getting their earlobes stretched.      I just don’t understand that at all.   Grown men riding skateboards, grown men wearing super tight girly looking pants.   If these are the sign of the times I’d rather stay stuck in the previous years trends.     It’s just not for me.     I also don’t understand men that sag their damn pants.   Whats that about?   It’s NASTY, low class.   America has sure gotten so sloppy.   I just don’t understand

Prayer 89 – Finding a New Home

Thank you so much I’m looking for an apartment & I’m growing frustrated typed into Google prayer to find an apartment took me right here. After praying this I looked up and what do you know its word press same website I’m on. Thanks again!

Miracles in Prayer by Robin Duncan

Are you in the process of finding a new home?  Sometimes finding a new place to live can be very stressful.  The prayer below will help you to open to receiving the highest and most happy experience of finding a home.

150 Prayers for Everyday Living by Robin Duncan

Dear God,
I am exploring options for a new place to live.  Regardless of my past experiences, I am willing for this to be a smooth and joyful experience in every way.  Please decide for me about where it should be, what it should look like and how the details should unfold.  Thank You for providing all of the resources, guidance, supplies, perfect timing and helpful people to ensure that I find the happiest possible place to live.  I am willing to trust You and acknowledge that Your will for me is for complete and total happiness.  I will know when I have found the right place to live because I…

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Always Be Prepared TO Stand Up For Yourself.

For some reason I always seem to run into the meanest individuals.  Most recent?  An elderly man at the public library on the Peninsula where I temporarily live.

I’m now in the habit of bringing in  my laptop.  However I have to keep it charged.  The downside with this library?  Not enough plug outlets.  One was already taken, the other one the mean old man was sitting in the chair nearest the outlet, but since he wasn’t using any electronic device I simply plugged my laptop in then sat across from the chair Grumpy McFarland was sitting in.

Well he sure didn’t seem to like that.  All I said was “I’m charging my laptop”.  He seemed irritated, agitated something but he wasn’t happy.  Don’t know why I wasn’t doing anything to him.  Some people.   

Now, guess what happens next?   Old Grumpy gets up OUT OF THE CHAIR.   He takes his cane then walks all around the library like he is on a leisurely stroll or something.   I simply move into his chair ( this library is very small, in a small peninsula town) .    Grumpy, comes back about 10 minutes later Yelling:

“I KNOW THAT I HAD A SEAT SOMEWHERE”!  Then he looks at me, starts yelling at me that I took his seat.   My demeanor was calm, but I told him that I didn’t like his tone, and that he moved.   He shut right up.  I wasn’t the least bit intimidated.   And you know what this isn’t the first time that this old guy has tried to intimidate me.  White men can’t you just try to get along with us?     I handled the situation perfectly.   But I won’t be intimidated, or bullied.   This is a public library when you move out of a seat don’t expect it to be there when you get back, that’s the way it is.  Find another seat or leave.   First time an elderly man tried to bully me.  First time for everything.  A message to you men out there please learn to be just a little more courteous to women.    Because when you start barking at us, it kind of puts us on the defensive.   Luckily for me in this particular instance I was in a mature enough mood & I take my mood stabilizers on a steady basis + I’ve been around.   All it takes is some kindness & it doesn’t cost a thing.   

So Tired Of Being Lonely & Staying In This Damn Transitional Home.

I am beginning to think that I’ll never find an apartment.   I know that I certainly don’t like where I’m living which is here at the transitional home for veterans.

Today I got a verbal dressing down from the case manager.   Hated that.  She seemed to discourage me at every turn when it comes to the apartment hunt telling me that I have a low income & that I’ll never find anything.  Oh ye of little faith.  I’ve found an apartment back in the 90’s with even less of an income.   The case manager is on my case that I don’t check in.   I hate doing that because basically its very hard to trust anyone.   It’s hard to get close to anyone.  When I lived at the women’s homeless shelter some 4 years ago I think that pretty much scarred me due in part to the fact that the case managers were a bit on the lazy side.  They did nothing.    I ache on the inside & I want some friends.

I’m tired of living here in this transitional home.   I don’t mind doing the chores or even the curfew, and the no overnight stays but I hate how they want to get into your business.   I want to be left alone to handle my own business.   Since I’ve been burned, abandoned, people treating like shit that all takes it’s toll on your mind.

And don’t forget people I really haven’t met any NICE people who would want to get to know me who are emotionally healthy.  I just haven’t been that lucky.   The despair is overwhelming for me.

The Changes I Don’t Really Like

Have you noticed changes & not for the better in customer service such as Mc Donald’s for example.   Now I know that Mc Donald’s isn’t healthy I was getting one of their breakfast burritos & coffee but even that seemed to pose a challenge to the slow customer service at Mickey D’s.

You see back some years ago & I’m speaking of the 1990’s there used to be a row of cash registers with around 5-6 Mc D’s employee’s manning them to take your order.  How do I know?  I once worked for them.  Now there is ONE cash register on a much smaller counter & only ONE employee behind it to attend to a customer.   Now it’s horrible.  I’m walking into the place & there were a crowd of people milling around everywhere! I don’t even know who to fall behind in the line.   I ask one person where does the line end or if she is even in line.   Then guess what happens?  A young man of about 16-maybe 18 years of age he butts in with a smart ass remark like he is all knowing.  Basically condescending.   Didn’t appreciate his talking out of turn, so I spoke up!  I don’t like the way he spoke to me not one bit.  It’s gotten worse not better out in the public.   It’s why I don’t like to interact with people very much some can be a bit thick headed & ill mannered.  

Yes this is a rant.   Things sure don’t run very smoothly like it used to.   People these days are sure quick to cut you off a lot like an impatient driver on the freeway.  

Example, simple phone conversations.  I’ve noticed that when conducting the simplest of transactions the people I’ve been on the phone with seem like they’ve consumed one too many Red Bull drinks.   What I’ve noticed is people don’t pause anymore on the phone while talking to you.   In fact you can hardly get a word in edgewise.  People seem very impatient just like I remember when I was growing up in my own household were no one had any time, patience.    Now that I’ve been a grown up

for many a year I’m noticing the exact same thing out in this crazy world.   The world is ALWAYS in a hurry.   One example if your in a conversation with someone sometimes you’ll hear the following :  “yeah, yeah”   meaning please hurry the hell up!   And you know what I just hate that!   So people are now the rudest specimens on the planet.   Americans are notorious for this one.   Even when I get off the ferry I make sure that I’m one of the last people trailing from behind because these people walk really fast like racehorses out of the starting gate!   

Sometimes All I Need Is Some Kindness.

Today is Sunday on the Peninsula here in this boring place I live at.  I had a bipolar anger episode/PTSD brought on by the stress of looking online for an apartment which here is about next to impossible with the overpopulation of everyone moving to Pacific Northwest.   When a thought came to me, I learned how to use a computer 18 years ago by chance of sorts.   

You see I had been volunteering my time at a non profit cancer agency.  It was only myself & another female I’ll call her Jane.   I wanted to be friends with Jane however as is always the case she was pretty indifferent towards me.   Jane & I talked but it lacked any real warmth it was  strictly office friendly.   I shared a story with Jane about how one day while I was over at my Mothers house ( yes this was a long, long time ago) my niece was also over at the house & the first thing she did was to get on the computer.  My niece wanted me to play a game on the computer with her & I said that I didn’t know how to use one ( the year was 1999-2000)  the niece replied with “you don’t know what your missing”.

In a conversation with Jane I relayed this story.   Well she may have been indifferent towards me but at least she was considerate enough to tell me about a class that she was teaching at a local community college called “intro to the internet”  which was an all day class & free.   I thought it very nice of her to at least acknowledge me & offer this to me because I am ALWAYS overlooked + ignored on just about everything in life when it comes to attention that I want to get from other people.   One thing that did irritate me about Jane was how she kept repeating to me to make sure I showed up to the class.   I kind of felt like she was treating me like I was stupid or something.   Either that or she had some sort of stereotype about me.  But I didn’t like her repetition of telling me to show up.  When you give me a time & date of something rest assured I WILL SHOW UP! Repeating yourself just isn’t necessary.

So, I show up to class which lasted an entire day.   Jane really didn’t pay any attention to me whatsoever.  Not a hello how are you  NOTHING.  And that’s how these women are here in these neck of the woods superficial.   Jane was like bragging about all the stuff she owns ,  what stock she invested in the stock market.   To me she seemed to be showing off.   I felt real insecure in that classroom.   Women, please be kind to one another & stop bragging about what you have because you know what?  some people like myself don’t have a lot or much, a lot of us are at different points in life.  That’s why its so damn hard to have women as friends!  They’re as fickle as the wind and very shallow if your not up to standards forget about being a part of the clique of women,  and I know I’ve been around other women for awhile.   

One day I hope to get married to someone not from the U.S.   Because in this country Black women really get treated like dirt.   I certainly deserve better than what I’ve been getting.   Oh &  after the all day internet class I eventually quit showing up to the volunteering gig.   I really didn’t like how Jane treated me.

One last note this is exactly why I don’t like to volunteer well not here in the Pacific Northwest because guess what? there’s discrimination there too.   I volunteered at 4 different places.   The people at these places well at least in Seattle are no friendlier.  Women of color forget about getting treated with any kind of dignity here no matter how nice you are most of these people here?  All the Seattle natives see is COLOR.   I was listening to a local radio station a rock station & a celebrity DJ had said that the people here are so nice.   Easy for him to say he is White & a celebrity that’s a big difference.   Thanks for reading.