I was walking on my way to Pioneer Square yesterday morning heading to the ferry. Here is what I noticed. Young millennial men usually always Caucasion who act as though THEY own the sidewalk. Let me give you an example.
As a habit & to stay out of people’s way I walk on the inside meaning to the farthest towards the wall like a building. While I was walking a guy grown man is walking right smack up to me. He is not moving around me or anything. Wow I thought what a prick. Well I didn’t move either in fact I refused to let this guy who was one of those weirdo guys who wear the skin tight girly pants sporting that stupid hair style that’s shaved at the sides look. OMG wear a REAL HAIR STYLE!
So we stood there for what seemed like a few minutes BEFORE HE finally moved. You see I will not tolerate ANYONE bullying, or intimidating me for ANY reason. If your having a bad day keep it to yourself & stop acting like a damn child!
I still struggle. I still have no friends except for one in the Washington Veterans Home were I used to live near. I still have no romantic relationship it has been many years. Yep, I’ve been single a very long time. I am treated with continued disrespect for some reason most people just don’t care how I’m treated, I guess I have no feelings. It’s difficult I feel marginalized and of course I feel like I have nothing to live for. And sometimes I get triggered watching the damn TV especially the nightly news because I feel that the people on TV live better lives than I do.
There are many, many times where I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere! I try to talk to my Mother but she just doesn’t get it. All I get is: “There are people out there who would love to be alone”. That’s what she said to me today. I’m like really? No one enjoys being alone. Another dumb thing my Mother said was this: “Well you have some people who are with someone that they don’t really want to be with. I didn’t relate to that one at all. She says some dumb stuff. I’m trying to find a good mental health therapist but those are real difficult to find especially when your all alone with ZERO SUPPORT. I have a standing appointment coming soon. I hope that this place helps me. About 3 years ago I sat at the computer & typed out my family history so that whatever therapist I get can take the time to read it. If I don’t get a therapist who will read what I typed then that therapist will no longer be my therapist. I have some decades and I want someone to read what I had to go through, I have to tell you that going through what I went through has gone a long way to almost ruin my life & provide me with a whole host of mental health issues which no one cares to know about me. Does anyone give a damn? I’m guessing NO.
Being alone with no one in my life, living in a bad part of town (again) and struggling to make something of myself in a world that thinks of me as a Nigger, lazy, no good etc is kind of difficult. I’m never given a chance.
Living here in the PNW ( Pacific Northwest) is difficult & mentally draining! As a black woman I feel as though I’m constantly at the bottom of the heap in the pecking order of daily life. That! is unacceptable. I feel disrespected. I’ll tell you why. There are times that I will be out at a restaurant and other blacks will simply be disrespectful. I’ll give you an example.
I went to the International District of Chinatown to order some Chinese takeout. As I’m sitting at the counter waiting for my order another much older black woman walks by and with one of those waving gestures with hand, wrist, forearm she clearly was trying to say something, and that something wasn’t really nice. It was a swift downward type of gesture that she did. I was sitting at the end of the counter. I have no idea WHAT her problem was but it’s typical of the type of ignorant behavior I am on the receiving end of .
See, I’m okay if you don’t like me just don’t take whatever negative emotion or issue that you might have? out on me, because then there is a problem. Now I do the best that I can & I just ignore it but sometimes I just get down right tired of the WAY that I’m treated! From getting racial slurs screamed at me from a woman who is of another ethnic origin to disrespectful gestures from a miserable old hag I’m tired of it. It’s times like this that I’m very glad that I stay to myself! I just have ZERO tolerance for ignorant / disrespectful behavior. I so look forward to the day when I can meet that someone special AND move the hell out of KING COUNTY ( it sucks!) especially southend were it’s people are so out to lunch crazy among other things. I’m counting the days! Last month I’m riding a bus route an awful bus route that was over crowded & small. A very unattractive man who had those deep creases in his forehead was on his cell phone talking loud for the whole bus to hear & he was standing\ right next to me was so goddamned rude & stupid. I simply looked up at him because he was LOUD! You get people that are too stupid to be aware enough to know that you use your INDOOR VOICE, he did not. So he is speaking to some other women I guess he got all insecure and he said:
“I don’t give a fuck, that’s why I moved to Washington from Chicago because weed here is legal”. I guess some woman mentioned how loudmouth he was. That guy needed his ass kicked off the bus. I ended up getting off the bus several stops EARLY! That guy was a total bastard & stupid. I felt like telling him to take his dumb ass BACK to Chicago. I have zero tolerance for ignorant & disrespectful, hateful behavior. I live in an area that doesn’t have the brightest bulbs in the bunch. Once again I will need to move once my lease ends. The housing market is tough here and I’m on a few waitlists. To save my sanity I ride the ferry whenever possible just to get away. King County sucks! Gotta go I’m hungry.