I haven’t posted on here in a while, busy dealing with a difficult & challenging life. Plus once again I’m not happy with the new place due to the rate of high crime & drugs, so I’m making plans + goals again to move once the lease is up next spring.
Without divulging how old I am I really wanted to post about a near death experience I had it was the scariest moment of my then young life. I was 9 years old. Here is what happened:
It was a hot summer night on August I believe I won’t say what year if that’s okay. I had fell asleep, that year I was a caregiver to my Fathers 2nd Wife’s elderly Mother ( Yes that Step Mother always sought ways to make my life hard). That night I had been watching tv and as was my habit I was watching tv while sitting on the floor. I remember it was late, I don’t remember the time. The Old woman had her dining room window open due to how hot it was.
I woke up to screaming and it came from the back of the house. I was startled I already knew something was terribly wrong. The old lady was mean but never did she scream. I cautiously walked towards the back of the house and with each step I grew more & more frightened. Pure agony.
The commotion was in one of two bedrooms that the old lady shared with her grown son, however her son was working the graveyard shift at the Post Office.
What I had seen shook me to my core. I didn’t scream because I couldn’t, but I was in total shock at what I saw.
What I saw was a big man with a stocking over his face which distorted his facial features making his face look more grotesque. Don’t know if you’ve ever watch old movies where men wear women’s sheer stockings over their faces but I can tell you it is the most frightening thing to witness.
The criminal stood directly behind the Old Lady. He had a knife to her throat. I said nothing, I was so SCARED! The Old Lady in a voice filled with panic & very shaky told me to get her purse on the upper shelf. She had over 7 different purses
But, I somehow KNEW which purse to get & which purse had money in it, the old lady didn’t tell me which one. To this day I don’t know how I knew. But I did steal money out of her purse on previous occassions to get food for myself, I was being under fed by the step parent ( fed just barely yet she always made steak for my Father when he would come home) so I was always going hungry. I reached up got the purse, then gave it to the criminal.
I remember thinking to myself during this time this: “How am I going to get out of this jam”? I really did think that that day would be my last day on Earth! I was 9.
After the criminal got the purse with the cash he ordered me & the Old Lady into the bathroom. He said “count to 100 then you can come out”. We did count, well I remember that I did. I kind of peed myself but I didn’t really worry about that.
Now during the time that myself & the Old Lady were counting I remember hearing loud heavy foot steps rushing around then I heard a loud THUMP + the sound of BING which was the ringtone bell inside the phone which hit the floor hard. For those of you too young to remember indoor phones were heavy they had a receiver + a heavy phone base. The criminal had yanked the phone out of the wall sending the phone crashing hard onto the floor.
But that was not all. The good news was that the criminal was gone & he hadn’t harmed a hair on our heads. The bad news we had to get help, however here is where I am so angry to this very day. The old lady had ME go outside of the house all by myself where I had to go to the next door neighbors home to get help. This was before cell phones.
I remember once again being scared out of my mind. I went next door, and I remember climbing up stairs to get to the neighbor directly next door to the old lady. I don’t remember much after that.
Don’t remember how much time later that it was before LAPD arrived but they did.
I guess I got asked questions I don’t remember that, however there were a couple of squad cars that arrived and there is one thing I do remember. One of the LAPD officers had in their custody a black man who was in light colored coveralls. The officer had a flashlight & he shone it on the black man asking ME was this the man? Again I was in shock. I was confused. I told the officer that I just didn’t know I may have been 9 years old but even as young as I was I wasn’t ABOUT to put an innocent man in jail. It may have been him I realized all these years later but at that time OH NO I wasn’t about to get that stranger man put in jail over something I said. To this day I feel good about that, however that was A WHOLE LOT to put on a child don’t you think?
I mean that poor man could have been going to the store to get bread or whatever. I now pray more than ever. You can’t tell me that God doesn’t exist. You can’t tell me Jesus doesn’t. For I grew up in LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA were people will cut your throat over change. Were Charles Manson ordered his group to murder RICH WHITE PEOPLE and laughed about it . This has been the first time I’ve been able to share this as I never had the chance to share this with over the dozens of therapists I’ve seen. So please don’t judge me too harshly. Knowing about crime & how people get murdered in this country everyday there must be a reason WHY I’m still here so for whatever remaining time I have left I want to do my best to get things right. Thanks for reading. This was a true story! One last thing that I have to add, I remember not ONE PERSON even asking me if I was alright. In fact my Step Mother at that time when she did talk to me put more fear into me. So instead of soothing, nurturing the woman said that my life was in more danger because of the incident. I quote her she told me “My life is in just as much danger as hers ( the old lady I was babysitting). I have no idea what the ***** mean’t either as I was way too scared to even ask.
I don’t like most therapists. I find the lot of them too judgemental. Growing up I was bullied & beaten on but I got through it often I was positive about it. Then as I was a teen all I encountered were spoiled, sullen often ill mannered teens.
I grow to be an adult I keep a good positive attitude and then I run into nothing but adult bullies who say nothing but cruel stuff to me or about me. “Oh no one is that nice” Grow up with abuse, still have abuse as an adult. I have to say at this point in my life I neither like nor trust other people. I sure haven’t hit the jackpot on meeting nice people. Then I try to go into therapy & run into more of the abusive same with being judged by some so called educated hack who doesn’t even bother to really get to know me or what I’ve been through in my life. Instead I find some crack pot who is going through her own life story. How she was raised by Southern Baptists who didn’t treat her right ( boo hoo I thought that this was MY session) How she bought a DNA kit & found out that she has some black blood coursing through her . You know that you made a very erroneous mistake picking some person ( for lack of a nicer word) when the session turns out to be all ABOUT THE THERAPIST. And another failure . No wonder people are turning to drugs in droves in this country the mental health system is a total mess. I haven’t met one person who isn’t selfish or who didn’t want to take advantage of me.
I’m stuck. No family, father is dead, no friends so what do I do? It gets worse. Hardly any money, I’m stuck. And all my Mother says is to PRAY. Well that doesn’t help.