I am tired , I should be going to bed but don’t want to. I am watching a documentary about homeless people who are in Nashville TN for about the 50th time. Regular TV is garbage especially network tv.
I’m not talking to my Mother, she gets on my last nerve playing the victim all the time no matter how much I try to provide suggestions, she chooses to do the pity pot thing & since it triggers my manic depression well it’s the silent treatment it is.
For those of you in the know or who don’t know don’t move to Seattle! It’s awful! the social scene sucks and all anyone wants to do here is get high. People here have no social skills. You know I want to find a good city to move to when I was younger but the problem was this: Where in the world do I go? and I don’t know anyone in other cities. Back in the 80’s I did try to live with my Father in Los Angeles however his Wife didn’t want me around & my Father was a bit obtuse on how to help me. I stayed for a year and I tried to find work . Any kind of work but it was hard to find anything. Hell I couldn’t even get hired at Mcdonalds or Carls Jr. So I had to fly back to dreadful Seattle where I’ve been stuck ever since. And OMG does it suck here! I’m really really trying to figure a way to find a job so I can earn enough money to leave & head down South. I have a city in mind. I’ll have to continue this later this W.P. is acting up. This city will cause anyone to jump off a bridge! Hey everyone. Just woke up oh man did I sleep in way too late but no worries. Manic depression does drain you mentally.
I got to thinking here regarding me and the time when I tried to move down to Los Angeles in the 1980’s. Well it was a good thing that it might not have worked out however I sure wished that I had some other relatives who might have lived in other counties. My Dad was real neglectful. And I did have a difficult time living with him. But I do know this. I MUST move out of Washington. It’s real sad because I have no other family that lives elsewhere. So if any of you pray please pray for me! Living here in Seattle Washington is just no damn good for me.
Basically I’m really at the end of my rope! I’m all alone and I have been for quite some time now. I don’t have friends, I have an elderly Mother but she has mental health issues and all she’ll talk about are television shows. Basket case.
The one positive today is that I wrote to a person who was a part of a documentary about homelessness that was made about 8 years ago, I needed to find out about updates on the participants of that documentary. It mean’t a lot TO ME!
Now these people have been through a lot everyone! Floods, angry/aggressive/bullying townspeople who didn’t like them it was bad. But you know what, all of them are doing so well from living in tents & make shift lean to’s to now owning their own businesses, two of the people in the movie have bought houses, one couple is still married & moved into a house, another one has an apartment. This is what is keeping me together because I’m hitting myself on the head deliberately trying to hurt myself because I’m angry with a rage that I can’t seem to control and it’s really sad.
I’m so glad that the one man in the documentary Wendell took the time to reply back. It took a few times but I finally got an answer. To Wendell thanks! and I’m so glad all of you in the Tent City USA documentary are doing great!
I learned for the FIRST TIME when I was 14 years old. I grew up with a Mother who really didn’t spend much if any quality time with me. I was alone all of the time with only the tv & a bowl of cereal to come home to after school.
One of my classes I was a library aide which I loved so much. There was another library aide, his name was Eric. Eric was from Vietnam. I thought Eric a great guy. One day when Eric & I were all caught up with our work he asked me if I knew how to carve a pumpkin. Yes, this was right around October. I told him no. I mean here I was I was born in Los Angeles California & I never in my life carved a pumpkin. Here Eric was an immigrant from Vietnam about to teach me how to carve one.
Eric then proceeded to show me how to carve out a pumpkin! From drawing the face to the actual carving.
Everyone! I can’t express enough on here just how much that day when Eric showed me how to carve out a pumpkin for Halloween had mean’t to me. Eric took the TIME to show me how to do something. That means a whole lot to someone who was 100% neglected & ignored like I was. He was gentle, kind, sincere. Something I had really never known. Because most people treated me like I was an annoying insect or invisible or something to be TOLERATED! I sure wished I would have kept in touch with Eric. People I come across are today are very mean! I hate how the world is now. It’s men & women are pure cretins! I have so few happy moments in my life & this was one of those moments. I pretty much find my life so intolerable right now. I’m trying desparately hard to get things right but nothing is going right at all. God seems no where in sight. When I talk to my Mother all she talks about are tv shows i.e. “Guess what I’m watching”? she’ll say to me over the phone, Like I’m supposed to be all happy she is watching Grey’s Anatomy or something. I won’t bother with asking for replies from anyone cause I know I won’t get them. Just say a prayer FOR ME! NO ONE does anything just for me. And I’m so tired of that. I seem to be either invisible or placed 2nd behind everyone else.