Still at my age I’m trying to get my life together! At my age! Why? I’ll be glad to enlighten you because no one bothers to get to know the REAL ME. So all I have are these blogs were it is the ONE & ONLY place that I have a voice.
No one has ever taken any interest to invest even the smallest amount of time with teaching me a damn thing! This dates alllllllll the way back to when I was a child. I was ignored, always ignored. And the only time I was paid any attention was when I made a mistake as young people will do. It’s how we learn people!
No one was around to teach me ANYTHING! To the people who did raise me ( HA) I have to ask you this: Where you stupid or something? Did you not know that SOME DAY I would be a grown woman who would someday enter into the World? Or did you just think that something would fall out of the sky, hit me on the head, and then VOILA! I would be this high functioning , successful woman who would kick ass in the World?
Here is what I did get this is a short list but I would love to share with you:
- Beaten with steel brushes, ping pong paddles, heavy leather belts ( which hurt)
- Sent to my room in the middle of the day where I had to draw all the shades down, get into my pj’s, then get into bed where I had to stay for hours. I could not watch any tv , read, I could do nothing at all. And this was done to me multiple times by the Stepmother. ‘Just go to bed’ said often and in the middle of a day.
- Whipped nude ( the woman was a freak)
- Had my beautiful long hair pulled while the Step Mother had me on the ground ( pretty cowardly to do to a little girl don’t you think?)
- Denied food, or barely fed. Had to resort to digging in trash cans while on the schools playground during lunch time ( elementary school years)
- This is just a few of the things I endured
Once I got to go live with my ACTUAL Mother things really did not get any better because she was highly unstable. She was a screamer. Between getting hit & getting screamed at I think that I would prefer the beating. She also could never be relied upon.
Example: And this is an excerpt from my previous blog ‘End Of Year Memories’ my Mother actually stood me up when she was supposed to take me to register for my high school fall classes. After I got out of the hair dresser I waited & waited and she never showed. Had to walk the two miles and was late to the high school orientation.
Today, I’m a failure. I’m unemployed and have been for years. I’m on federal assistance, I live in an apartment were I’m miserable & the management treats its tenants like peaseants. I am a horder so my apartment is horribly in a disarray. I have no furniture save for an air mattress, a tv, DVD recorder to watch the few documentaries, and Burn Notice episodes, I also have a small radio. I don’t own a car , but do have a drivers license, however I haven’t driven in a good long while. I hardly own very many clothes.
I have a ZERO support system! So what do you all think? I also have multiple documented mental health issues diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I recently just had another accessment by a local psychiatrist from Harborview mental health. I’m in extremely bad shape.
Yet no one will really help me. Why? All I seem to get are walls from people & they turn their back on me. I would love a reply. But know I won’t get one. I need so much help.
I’d also like to establish my own website, get on instagram, hello is anyone out there?