End Of Year Memories

My end of year memories are as follows:

First Christmas in Seattle & the first year that I was back with my Mother after having spent 4 of the most hellish years with my Biological Father & his odious 2nd Wife, I developed chronic depression. My Mother & I were in our first apartment, were she was putting up an artificial tree. She was dressed kind of low class cut off shorts, halter top & red bandana. She was mad that I wasn’t in a more festive mood I was 12 a vulnerable child for goodness sakes!

So this is what she said to me in a voice filled with venom, I’ll never forget it.

Mom said: ‘you know when things don’t go the way I want them to, I just say fuck it’. Wow! I didn’t need to hear that. So much for nurturing.

One year I won’t tell you what year it was, I was supposed to go enroll for my high school fall sophomore classes. But first Mom drops me off at a small independently owned shop that was run by two much older & somewhat hardened looking women. I was 15.

My hair all finished I go to wait for Mom outside, I waited for hours. I guess she forgot to pick me up? Or perhaps she was getting high & forgot she was seeing someone who smoked weed. And yes I hate that stuff. Anyway this was before cell phones, I didn’t have any money to go to a pay phone or to even catch a bus. I was too scared to go back in to that beauty shop because the women inside scared me. They looked pretty rough ( unlike what hair dressers are supposed to look like pretty & feminine). So I ended up walking something like 2 miles from Rainier & Geneseee all the way to 8th Avenue South to get to my school, I was late for the sophomore orientation. Back then you began high school in 10th grade not 9th. My hair was a mess & I sweated through my blouse. I felt gross.

While I was home from the Military I had one month leave before I flew overseas to Germany. It seemed that Mom could have cared less. On my last night I was at her house do you know what she did? Instead of us going out, she went inside her bedroom, closed the door & didn’t come out until it was time to take me to the airport.

I was 13 one summer and I was over at my cousins place. We were playing & I was having a blast. My Mom came to pick me up. I simply didn’t want to go just yet & she didn’t like that. And OMG on the drive home Mom screamed at me her displeasure. I’m so surprised that we didn’t get into an accident. God was watching it seems. Because as anyone knows you never, ever get behind the wheel of a car when your angry.

Two more painful memories:

Mr Hayes was my 8th grade music Teacher. I didn’t know how to play an instrument but somehow I was placed in the music class. Why? No idea.

So one day after class I approach Mr Hayes to express interest in playing in a band.

Mr Hayes: Well do you play an instrument?

Me: No

Mr Hayes: Then I’m sorry you can’t be in the band.

I was 13 at the time. Mr Hayes was a jerk! He didn’t even make a premise of encouraging me to learn or seeing to it about HOW I could get lessons! Now in the 21st Century young kids get encouraged to learn music even to the point of having FREE music instruments DONATED to them! Wow! Mr Hayes? Go to Hell!

Girl I grew up with is dead. She died at 30 (or 29) Brain aneurysm but I suspect there was more to it. But when Pop was alive that was all he told me. There are other gruesome details that Pop told me but I don’t want to write that down here. I’ll save it for the shrink. It’s bad.

I would love some Christmas greetings from anyone. Just thought I’d put that out there in cyberspace.

And there’s more I keep adding to the list:

From the age of 8 years old until I was 12 years old my Father & his 2nd Wife at the time kept me away from my Mother.

What that means everyone is that:

1. I missed birthdays with my Mother

2. I missed Christmas’ & Thanksgivings

3. Easter holidays

When I was taken away all of my toys were left behind to include a coveted lunch box. H.R. Puffinstuff an old Saturday morning tv show.

I was basically stripped of everything.

And no one seemed to care how it affected me. I can’t begin to tell you the enormous inner pain. I wanted to die. For a child? Unbearable is an understatement. I’m triggered looking at homes on online real estate websites. The holidays are the worse. I’ve never had a good holiday.

Last nice holiday? I was 5.

On one Christmas holiday at this particular year it was Mom her boyfriend ( who would later become her husband …UGH) we all shared a 2 bedroom duplex. That year I worked as a vendor for a sports stadium sold peanuts, soda. Well I saved a little money to buy the boyfriend a cologne set.

And it wasn’t cheap either. I bought it at Macy’s. I remember even the woman behind the counter was impressed at how thoughtful I was. Wished that more people thought that way of me, because I sure don’t seem to garner hardly any positive nor nurturing attention. Hey look at me I’m a potted plant no one notices!

So I go to present the gift to Mom’s boyfriend. He liked to drink….ALOT! His reaction was not what I had expected. He was angry at me.

Accused me of expecting a gift in return. I believe his exact words were:

“And I expect you’ll be expecting a gift from me”. When actually the thought never occurred to me.

Mom was so infuriated this is what happened.

I went to my bedroom very hurt.

Before I could process just what had happened? I heard a loud CRASH! which scared me.

I come out of my bedroom through the living room and the kitchen was directly connected ( small duplex) to see the small dining room table completely turned over and food was strewn everywhere!

It was a complete & utter mess. Mom was infuriated with how her stupid boyfriend treated me. Only time I can remember Mom ever standing up for me. I know that I was surprised. Because people have been abusing me for as long as I could remember. That year I was 15 or 16.

One year it was in the 1990’s I can’t remember what year it was a very hot summer here in Seattle. I didn’t have any close friends or any friends that year. I attempted to go to a women’s group meeting that met twice a month. Well guess what? The women’s group fell through i.e. flaked so I had made a long trip on the bus for nothing. I didn’t come prepared, it was hot & I was thirsty. With no other stores anywhere around I went directly across the street was a Cajun style restaurant owned by two chefs who also were twin sisters. I walk in & politely ask for a glass of water. And do you know that one of the sisters gave me such a look of comtempt or a dirty look, when all I wanted was water & it was very hot outside. I happen to remember this because I’m looking up a school in Colorado in culinary & restaurant management. Here in Seattle you can expect to be treated like dirt especially if your a black woman, I feel had it been ANYONE else say a White person or perhaps a local celebrity like say one of the Seattle Seahawks it would have been a different story. Anywhere else I would have been obliged. Hope the sisters lost their business cause that was sooooo rude. Seattle is one of THE MOST rudest cities in which to live. I’d rather go back to Los Angeles.

You know I try & try but men can be such selfish immature children. I’m talking about GROWN MEN! It’s why I don’t like them much. Were are the real men? Because I’ve never known any in my life and it sure doesn’t look like its getting any better. From my late Father, now 2 step fathers and not to mention the scores of men out there who abandon their Women & children, even beating them. Add to that the racism & injustice I feel and Christmas is just another day which I loathe.

I Escape To A Rich Suburb.

That’s right ladies & gentlemen. I just can’t stand where I live. Why? well there is the following:

Lots & lots of TRAFFIC! Seems I goofed when I moved to this particular area it is such a densely populated area.

Homeless people and it is a problem. Don’t know if you remember me writing a blog about how a homeless person defecated in the same building which I live. I discovered it one morning while I was going to get my Mother a breakfast sandwich when she was hospitalized. Freaked me the F**k out.

Obnoxious homeless people. I have nothing against being homeless. In fact from the time I was a child, I actually did sleep on the streets. What I have a problem is when I’m trying to buy a few grocercies to feed myself I encounter a man who does the obscene hand gesture to me in addition to scowling my way. I’m feeling like this, sorry your unhappy dude but man up & get a life.

Obnoxious people . I know that there everywhere however with gentrification rearing its ugly head its gotten real bad. People seem meaner more aggressive I notice it. I’m not being overly sensitive, its a fact. Case in point? The aggressive/obnoxious lady who deliberately cut in line in front of me at the Walgreens one block from my apartment. She was real mean. I wrote about it.

There is a library much closer to where I live but here is why I loathe going there.

One day I’m at a computer there is a vacant computer station right next to me when some young immature guys approach and for some reason that I can’t fathom the young guy who look like side show Bob from the Simpsons cartoon (skinny as a rail too) looks at me then says loudly “NAW’! Have to say that boy wouldn’t win any prizes, and I’m real easy on the eyes even for my age. Wow! What a jerk.

Some of the people who come to the library close to where I live look pretty scary. Case in point one woman who had hair so big and I mean she must have had about 10 years worth of hair growth or must have been sporting a wig it made me uncomfortable it was extremely HUGE both height & width.

I’m old fashioned I’m of the school were you should at least trim your hair and there are places to go for affordable hair care too. Can you say cosmetology schools?

So I go were I can relax a bit and don’t feel like I’m being exploited.

At this point I’m really trying to figure out my goals for the upcoming year 2020. My apartment lease will NOT be renewed and I’ll have nowhere to go.

God willing everything will work out because it sure hasn’t been smooth sailing at all!.

I Live In A World That Hates How I Look

This was triggered because I went onto Google to ask the question “Why Do People Hate Black Women”? And everyone Black women are hated! There is a published book on just such a subject that is on Amazon. WOW! and other groups say they get HATE? I’m sorry but people Black women get the worst of it. I saw it right there in the print. BTW people, there is a published book by someone who calls themselves T.C. Writer ( yep that is the authors name probably a pseudonym) the book which is for sale on Amazon website is titled ” I Hate Black Women”. Now to my knowledge there doesn’t seem to be any other books that are written about other women of color saying that they are hated. WOW!

Oh, and it gets worse when I scrolled down onto the Amazon page for the reviews of this book ( was so infuriated) I got to read stuff like: Black women are whores, Black women are hateful ( so untrue ) That your better off looking to other races for a quality woman. Reading the reviews made my stomach turn! I did report this review as being abusive to Amazon. I sure did.

But people let me step outside of myself for a minute to give you a rundown on myself who is a Black woman.

I was shy, sensitive, cried at the drop of a hat. However I grew up in a house marred in violence watching my own Mother get beat to a pulp constantly for any little thing! At 8 years of age I’m taken away from my lovely Mother who I just adored! To go live with a lame brain Father & his not so attractive Wife. He was like a child living in a man’s body.

Now everyone THINK about how that would make a little girl feel. To put it mildly I felt as though my insides were being ripped apart from the inside out. Add to that people I’m physically abused, molested, I’m being interrogated just like on those police shows with the exception that on those police shows THOSE SUSPECTS ARE TREATED MORE HUMANELY! I’m a child. And the punishments went on & on everyone. Being made to go to my room getting into bed, then drawing ALL THE WINDOW SHADES, put on my pj’s then GET into bed were I had to wait for hours until I could get out of bed. I could do nothing, no tv, no reading a book…..NOTHING! For me that was like jail! Some of you might think its not a punishment but when your a young child growing up in sunny California wanting to play with your neighborhood friends, trust me it is. Thus the stage is SET for life long depression were I can’t even get out of bed sometimes.

Now people I don’t write this to get on a soap box but I’m just sharing all of the most painful parts of my childhood to show you why Black women seem somewhat unhappy. Oh, and don’t forget Black women , black girls are SEXUALLY EXPLOITED I was since I was 10 or 11 years old sexually objectified I’m talking boys who exposed themselves lets just say they were of the same ethnicity a lot of them grow into men that really abuse women.

So what I want to know is are Black women being punished? I mean God forbid we should display any human emotion am I right? OH WAIT I see some of you would rather see us drop dead of a stroke or heart attack! Is that it?

I feel that the majority of society to include some of you men need to seek therapy & knock off all this misogyny okay? Stop hating on Black women.

Alright I get it! I’m hated but you know what? I’ll still continue to stand up for myself & God willing get married and guess what? Theres a flip side to that coin. I won’t be looking for someone of the same ethnicity! Remember the old saying when you point the finger you have three others pointing back AT YOU! Stay strong Black women. Stop the damn hate please!

Good Friends Are Hard To Find.

Aaah, Good Friends Are So Very Hard To Find!

And it’s true.   I’m at the local public library this morning.  Got up early.  I’m in a very nice suburb because for the most part I no longer feel safe going to some of the library branches.   So I decided to spend part of the day here.       

As I was taking the cab out to my favorite suburban library I passed a Econo-lodge were a former friend of mine had stayed.   She was an elderly woman who at the time she was 77 years old.    I helped her to find the Econo-lodge after she was kicked out of a Motel 6.     The brief back story about my former friend was she called me on my cell while I was at the library ( back in 2015) in a panic saying she was kicked out of her Motel.   I should explain that the elderly woman was homeless.   I told her no problem & I went to work on finding her a Motel for her since she wasn’t near a computer.   After some convincing on which area she wanted to go to I convinced her to give the Econo-lodge ( located right on Lake Washington) a try.     See I am a good friend but unfortunately I attract the wrong kind of friends.   The kind that are:

1.  Inconsiderate or thoughtless ( Usually I never get a phone call or anything)

OR

2.  Abusive

So Susie ( not her real name) stayed at the Econo-lodge.    Susie had some problems mostly mental which I chose to overlook.   She was a huge hoarder.   I say this because by the time she had stayed her six months her motel room was completely filthy stacks of paper & what have you covering every square inch of her room which wasn’t that big and her car was filled to the brim with clutter & trash she rarely cleaned it having such a filthy car often got her rejected for part time jobs picking up other people’s children after school, one parent took one look inside of Susie’s car & said ‘No Thank you’  ( Do you blame her?)     We had a falling out , because I just couldn’t take her verbal abuse any longer.  It’s now been about 4 years since I last spoke to her & I don’t even know if she is even alive cause she was a pretty old woman.   It was real embarrassing to be around her at times.   An added note everyone that wants to judge, I did try to contact Susie when a potential employer wanted to speak to her. I never did hear back from Susie. I can only do so much but I’m vulnerable & deal with tremendous pain, both emotional, psychological. At some point I have to walk away so I don’t get myself into trouble. This woman? very toxic! And I did give her ample chances.

Once we went for Chinese food out in Renton she was extremely rude to the waitress.  Then after she ate her meal she licked her plate with her tongue.   I wanted to just crawl under the table, I was so embarrassed!

When I chose to stay at the exact same Econo-lodge one year, and I forgot why I needed to stay there I think that I was in between apartments I requested a room far from Susie’s room so that there wouldn’t be any chance that I would run into her.     I think that this was in 2016.  

The front desk attendant then explained to me that Susie was no longer a guest at the Econo-lodge which was a complete relief.    But there’s more.

One of the housekeepers took a few minutes to talk to me regarding Susie.

Upon checking out Susie left the room a complete & utter disaster!  The housekeeper had said that it took a few days or one week to get the room cleaned ( I’m vague about the time but it was long).   The housekeeper confided to me that she was so glad that she had that day off.    Despite how awful Susie was to me I still think about her especially when I pass that Econo-lodge.    I have another blog on another friendship lost (Woman rose up to make a high wage so I got treated like a dog)

But that will be for another blog folks.  My hands are cramping.   Include me in your prayers please cause this life of mine is pure torture!

Success in early life depends largely on HELP!

Sometime ago I wrote a blog about help & doors of opportunities opening for a young man who was homeless please take time to read it. One of the few blogs that had a great many views. I have another blog this one about a phenomenal young man graduated WestPoint in 2017. He is a Vietnamese 2nd generation immigrant raised by a single parent, came from humble beginnings. I’ve watched a few of his blogs called The Thomas Vlogs. Thomas did attend a regular college then went into the Army as an enlisted man however someone did help walk him through the process of entering WestPoint because everyone when your really young & there isn’t anyone helping you, trying to apply to get into College is extremely CONFUSING! Doesn’t matter how much potential you may have, or how smart you are without the right kind of support your just doomed & you never get out of the starting gate!

Thomas had help that came in the form of a high ranking Major who walked him through the entire process and Thomas was accepted thus beginning his career in the Army.

Thomas after graduation went on to become the United States Military Academy admissions officer of the Southeast region an extremely important position. His interview video can be seen on YouTube.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to NOT neglect our youth. Help them to reach their potential. I never had support nor help, sadly I was neglected which in itself is a CRIME! I mean I’m making goals but with just me doing all the leg work its a very slow climb! I have NO ONE really giving me any attention. I don’t much like it but I have to keep pressing forward. It does suck however and if you’ve read any of my blogs you’d know why.

I’m hoping for college entry next year with a scholarship. I have plans and I don’t know if I can do it but I have to try.

See, when someone GUIDES you can achieve! As an added note and it will not be popular with some of you out there but I have to call it as I see it. And that is that there is some definite BIAS among African American women. Young women especially. I can remember while I served in the U.S. Army I was a very bright young intelligent young woman. It seems to me now looking back all those years ago that the only thing the other soldiers saw in me was someone to have sex with or a young stupid young woman. I was there! I was verbally abused by a junior liutenanant her name was Grey. I was called stupid among all kinds of stuff. And it seemed that I was NOT wanted in the military! Definite discrimination, oh yeah. Looks of contempt, being talked down to like I was nothing more than an average dog. Let me say as a 19 year old that really did cut deep into my psyche. The discrimination & sexism really do need to stop! I didn’t have anyone that I felt that I could reach out to. I was scared so scared of the retaliation. And another reason? No one took me seriously because I was a young woman. I will share one of the many degrading things that I heard coming out of the mouths of some of the both young & older enlisted ( ignorant) male soldiers. That women belong in a kitchen barefoot & pregnant! And! I heard much WORSE! Now you tell me something, how would THAT MAKE YOU FEEL as a young woman just 2 years out of high school , trying to find out WHO YOU ARE IN THE WORLD?? I’ll tell you.

Like SHIT!

Beware Of The Scam Artists!

Hello. I want to address an issue here on the scam artist or the hustler. They are the kind that con you OUT of your hard earned money. Their scams are as varied as Baskin Robins 31 flavors! I say this because these are smart people they gain your trust. Most of you out there sorry to say are not very street smart and most people are just way too nice & trusting. Gullible is the word. There was an incident out were I live were two big hulking young boys ( or young men) were standing right outside a grocery store holding up a sign saying that they’re raising money for their Football team. The two men were standing outside a well know grocery chain ( of which I will never shop there again due to the shady people).

I was somewhat irritated. Here’s why:
I go to the store to shop, not to be conned by scammers trying to make a quick buck. I felt that is what happened right outside the exit after I was finished with my shopping for groceries.

I feel as though these con artists are violating my personal space.

I called the store manager to report them because to me what these two young men were doing just didn’t make any sense, what I mean is there are many other ways to fundraise I know I’ve done them when I was in high school, but not only that, ANYONE can say “I’m raising money for my school” people lie! People cheat. But mostly people lie. The store manager said that it was alright with her if they did this which was stand outside the exit of the grocery store begging for money to (supposedly) raise money for their schools football team ( Riiiiight) she didn’t seem to care. But here is where I had the problem, what I felt the manager was doing was basically saying that it was alright for the two young men to scam people and that was just not acceptable.

I felt that something was so wrong with these two young men holding up signs asking for donations. First: there is the website GoFundMe, another is getting some people together & throw a car wash, have a bake sale ( you can buy Duncan Hines cake mix at Dollar Tree) This just didn’t pass the smell test.

I have another example. Back in the 90’s I used to see crews of young boys usually led by an older man selling poor quality candy out on street corners claiming to send under privileged kids to camp

or

Raising money for the boy’s basketball team. And what these people (usually the older leader) would do is to buy a case of cheap candy at the Dollar Store ( I worked at a Dollar Store) then once that was done distribute the boxes of candy to the crews of young boys were they would of course sell at a higher markup! I was onto this scheme. And this was done for months during the summers up on Capitol Hill in Seattle.

People don’t be so gullible when some young kid ( or possibly a young man) says we need to ask people for donations to raise money for this & that! Start getting suspicious . . What it is is is a huge scam out for your hard earned money. You must be vigilant. I was accused on a website called Yelp of being non supportive to the youth in the community. . I’m not very interested in the youth. But what the youth need to do is to show intiative, as well as put in some amount of work to LEGITAMITATELY EARN money for whatever they need! When I see what I saw at that grocery store about 2 months ago I was angered with those 2 guys who were out to make a quick buck & too lazy to actually work. No one gives you anything!

Where Are My Equal Rights?

I get so tired of the damn propaganda going on for a certain group! When I as a Black woman since the time I could walk have been treated, beaten up, exploited, degraded and no one talks or does a story about me. Want to know my story? I live in poverty right now. Over the years I’ll go through my early adult years all I’ve experienced were sexual harassment of every kind. Wow I never hear about this on any media platform! It has really done a psychological number on me. Guess what? NO ONE has ever taught me a damn thing on just how much I would be loathed, hated, and treated like a sex object and WHY you might ask? The color of my skin because some people don’t get past the skin color ladies & gentlemen they just come to a very prejudiced, skewered view on women of color. It’s true whether you’d like to believe that or not. I can back that up with actual facts on a future blog if you’d like, or you can visit some blogs I cut & pasted on the treatment of Black women. Up to you.

I’m at a point in my life were its still hard! I’m treated like I’m invisible well HELL I’ve always been treated like that going all the way back to my Middle School days and it didn’t stop! When your treated like your stupid or when your intelligence is in question by those in authority ( same thing) I’m sorry but no one is strong enough for that UNLESS TA DA!!!! Someone believes in YOU!!!! That’s right folks. And I tried hard. But trying doesn’t seem good enough in this bastardized world of ours. I’ve been in the military told I should be barefoot & pregnant among other major insults I’ve heard!! I was pretty much degraded. Didn’t stop there folks once I got out of the Army I was still treated like I didn’t matter. Oh what a fun life I’ve had NOT!!!!!! Couldn’t really find suitable employment. I will give you one example of what I went through. In the 90’s I attempted to visit a non profit agency that helps to get people working. Called Center for Career Alternatives. The CCA seemed like a good choice. However once you got passed the main reception area it was a whole nother story altogether. The men who sat behind the desks were impeccably dressed but I felt that their attitudes were extremely of a judgemental nature odd still they were of the same ethnic background as myself but that doesn’t make much of a difference since these guys hate black women even more than non Black men ( Truth). I didn’t feel welcome, but I sure felt a whole lot of COMTEMPT coming from the way that they would look at me! It was a look of anger mixed with hate. Basically no help whatsoever from these idiots & I made the effort to go a few times to give them a chance which was more than I could say about THEM! What I found interesting though was there was this associate of me & my Mother who was in the same boat meaning she was looking for work. I was being nice & told my Mother to refer this woman to CCA. Guess what happened? THEY GAVE HER THE HELP & the lead that led her to her first job & she is still with the company many years later. There is no difference well I mean she was knocked up at an early age , I wasn’t but perhaps the more of a hard luck story you have then the more chances you will have to get help? What do I think major UNFAIR and discriminative! Because I did have such a TREMENDOUS difficult journey throughout my adult life, but no one gave zero fucks about me. When it comes to my life I really don’t have any equal rights. So don’t tell me about discrimination & of not being given a fair chance and please I don’t even want to hear about how because you sleep with someone of the same sex its the same as being a Black woman because it is NOT! the same.

On yet another year I tried the Goodwill Employment & training program. Very, very big mistake. I arrived at the orientation a few minutes late but not much. When OH BOY the woman who was a heavy set black woman ( I am also black) sought to humiliate me right in front of the damn class! I felt so embarrassed ( the Pacific Northwest is really weird it’s why I hate it here so much) She was mean! I had to throw that one in there. I now just stay to myself. I do that because I’ve really never known a kind word from anyone…EVER. The apartment I live in the tenants are okay but that’s different. That’s superficial. I’ve been around a long time & it really looks like I’ll never find those good quality friends! I don’t like the desperate ones who want to latch onto me either because I don’t like people like that. I want smart, confident types comfortable in their own skin and I sure haven’t met that. I really wished I would have made better decisions in my life like going to a military academy were I believe I could have met the right kinds of people in my life, however I didn’t have ANYONE that showed me ANYTHING on how to progress in my life so I could have met the right kinds of people. Childhood was a nightmare I grew up around the most toxic adults imaginable! Now I’m surrounded by equally toxic adults w/o an opportunity to meet a more healthy type of people in a much more healthy environment! I’ve needed that for several years. Hasn’t happened yet!

Getting The Break That Leads To Those Opportunities!

I’m a huge fan of documentaries. I particularly love documentaries showcasing people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds because I am from such a background . I live in poverty, I have an apartment, but money is always scarce. I manage but I have a difficult time. From the time I was a child I have always had it extremely rough. I attended an elementary school that was poor in every sense of the word. 98% Black. No positive role models and when I say this I mean no Police, firefighters or positive professional city officials ever bothered to pay a visit to the school I went to to provide motivational talks with us kids or give us positive strokes. I think I probably went to 3 different elementary schools.

I had watched the documentary the Motel Kids Of Orange County. Came out in 2010. It’s a heartbreaking documentary. I looked up on Google about any updates on the kids profiled. One of the kids profiled who is now a young man in his late teens did make it out of the poverty, drugs, prostitution that he was exposed to , to become a successful young adult and not only that he got many college scholarships thanks to the tremendous help he received from his teacher & others from his high school. My blog is about is how some people get the HELP they need when they need it and others simply just get left out or fall through the cracks severely neglected, to face a world later on that just won’t care about them! Every single child ( especially the disadvantaged) deserves exactly what this young man received.

This young man was homeless with his family there were a total of 4 kids not including the parents who were crammed into a small motel room. Once the documentary wrapped ( according to an online article L.A. Times)

This young man moved many more times, even going into the shelter system then BACK to living in a motel. He was kicked out at 15 over what it is unknown all the article mentioned was a family disagreement. This young man then had the opportunity to stay with a friend with whom he opened up to about his situation. He was able to stay with his friend until he graduated.

Also this young man was able to get mentoring, and a good deal many other resources to help him through school. He also got a job and worked his way up to a marketing director. He now has his pick of colleges and a great deal of money to go along with it. I’m happy for him.

My issue is this: The help that was given to this young man who is now 18 years of age should be available to every child! Here are some factors which worked in his favor:

He was in a pretty good school district Orange County California ( O.C. is a good + well to do area)

He is male

He is White

He was in the right place at the right time

What everyone needs to understand is that there exists and always has institutional racism. You can go Google that but it exists in the public school system. When I read about this young man and his success I thought to myself what could I have done different to have had some success ? Because I struggled in school BADLY! And I had thought that I was too far gone to even be helped I felt this way because:

I was ignored

I was called “stupid” by other kids, and treated w/o dignity by some of the teachers. I think this was due to a learning disability ( true story)

No one at school including those teachers seemed interested in helping me.

And it’s not just that, there is a “bias” against children of certain races.

At home I was tormented & abused because I had learning difficulties in school. The Step Mother always shamed me over this, and her relatives shamed me over this. Again & again. There were always negative talks and of course the more negative comments of : “Your lazy” or “You don’t try hard enough” speechs that were such torture I would want to jump over a bridge. Those talks really gave me a headache ( remember I’m a young child!)

Most teachers in the public school system just expect LESS from children who are non white. But what most teachers fail to understand is that its more complicated than that! Home could be UNSAFE! Psychologically it can mess a kid up (as did with me)

Most teachers that teach ( HA) basically don’t care about the students with which they teach. I know because as a child I witnessed first hand how teachers would treat say a non white student. Send the boy STRAIGHT to the principals office without even BOTHERING to talk to the kid. I’ve seen verbal abuse from a redneck teacher with Vitalis in his hair ( real greasy with a part to the side) to a non white student, this was when I attended John Burroughs Middle school in Los Angeles. The teacher who taught print shop ( I have no idea WHY I was put in this class??) gave us 7th graders a somewhat complex project to do. I couldn’t do it right, but there was a boy who was in the same class he was African American the teacher ( who was White) basically berated him & his project ( I think the jerk teacher even snatched the project then threw it in the trash can!)

If your a minority you REALLY need the support of family & friends to pull through! There is such a huge disparity between how some students are treated and I strongly suspect teachers of using a sort of caste system to determine WHO gets a break and WHO will NOT!

I’ll give you another example. I read a book about a now grown woman who is a successful attorney ( in Los Angeles) she came from a disadvantaged home, was in & out of Juvenile Hall. She happened to be good at math, this girl ( White) was given a break that break led to many more doors of opportunities that opened up for this girl. That’s all it takes everyone! Someone to help you to open up doors of opportunities, someone who will mentor you. EVERY CHILD NEEDS THIS! But they don’t receive it. Sometimes teachers don’t even respect the kids they are in charge of.

I never had a mentor. I mean I showed up for school but guess what? I was being brutalized at home and what the end result to that was a life time of severe depression & PTSD. I felt PARALYZED! But no one paid me any attention & I had such low self esteem that you would need a shovel to dig it up! Although I’m happy for the very fortunate young man who was profiled as a young boy in that documentary I just wish that the same doors would open up for every child. But sometimes life is just not fair for certain people.

I only wished I would have had those same kinds of opportunities available to me. The public school system really needs to cease being so lopsided.

I WANT The Hate Towards Me To Stop!!

I’ve reached my boiling point with how I’m treated. I’m going through a lot people. Back in 2017 I will call her a 2nd generation ( or perhaps undocumented) immigrant scream racial slurs at a former apartment which I still have not gotten over. I’m so tired of the LGBT community whining how no one treats them with dignity. I am sick to death of them its why I’ve disavowed having anything to do with them any gay women & working solely on myself. That community is dead to me now. If I were given an opportunity I’d tell them be glad that they aren’t a Black women were everyone hates on you. I have a dream to one day live outside of the USA forever. I want to spend my last days in Switzerland. I hope to reach that dream. The Pacific Northwest is the most ugliest place.

However since I have moved to a new apartment further South it seems bearable.

Another update: My Mother is in ill health & hospitalized. Pneumonia for anyone that reads this will you pray for her?

I’m so upset & sad that I’m breaking out in rashes all over my body. It’s not fun. I haven’t had this happen since I was a very young girl of 9 when rashes were all over my body and oh how those kids made fun of me at school.

I’m doing terrible. I need a friend, and lots of prayers.