I’ve reached my boiling point with how I’m treated. I’m going through a lot people. Back in 2017 I will call her a 2nd generation ( or perhaps undocumented) immigrant scream racial slurs at a former apartment which I still have not gotten over. I’m so tired of the LGBT community whining how no one treats them with dignity. I am sick to death of them its why I’ve disavowed having anything to do with them any gay women & working solely on myself. That community is dead to me now. If I were given an opportunity I’d tell them be glad that they aren’t a Black women were everyone hates on you. I have a dream to one day live outside of the USA forever. I want to spend my last days in Switzerland. I hope to reach that dream. The Pacific Northwest is the most ugliest place.
However since I have moved to a new apartment further South it seems bearable.
Another update: My Mother is in ill health & hospitalized. Pneumonia for anyone that reads this will you pray for her?
I’m so upset & sad that I’m breaking out in rashes all over my body. It’s not fun. I haven’t had this happen since I was a very young girl of 9 when rashes were all over my body and oh how those kids made fun of me at school.
I’m doing terrible. I need a friend, and lots of prayers.
There is this mens movement its MGTOW and it stands for Men Go Their Own Way. To me this movement seems every bit misogynist and I’ll tell you why. I’ve been watching YouTube regarding this movement, and from what I get from listening to this poison is that women are to blame for everything wrong with a man. Women want money from a man, women do this & do that bad. To sum it up women are bad people. As a female I take extreme offense to this! I’ve been on this earth a very long time. I grew up with a Mother who was sweet, kind, and a true woman in every sense of the word. But gradually she was physically & mentally beaten & controlled by a man who was in EVIL! I was witness to this as a child. Women are treated very unfairly in this world! To me the way in which women get treated is beyond reprehensible! Not only do women actually die e.g. get murdered by abusive Husbands that’s just one way ( and THE reason I NEVER wanted to walk down the aisle) but women get treated unfairly in the job market, women earn less (way less) and always there is the discrimination, sexual harassment. I know only too well because you know why? I’ve experienced it! ALL OF IT! I know how men are. Men treat women like pieces of meat! So this MGTOW can go to HELL!
There is a lot to men that women need to know the majority not very good. And basically before any woman commits to any man the woman should get the man checked out very thoroughly. Having grown up watching my own Mother get used, abused, and then made a fool out of not to mention not get her fair share of money after her divorce taught me many things. And that one is you can’t trust men.
Okay so there is a snowstorm and Seattle has lost its mind, its like “what do we do were in a snowstorm”! I haven’t been able to do anything which is frustrating because I want to get to my vocational rehabilitation appointments that will help me get back on the road to being employed! I can’t do that without major help as I suffer from chronic mental illness which has been a barrier my whole life. I have no family support that sucks, so no one to check up on me, sucks double! I’m even deprived of the trash tv during the day ( when I don’t feel like watching the MANY dvds from the library) because there is endless blather on the news about the SNOW!!!!! I have been trying to make myself as happy ( not happening) or have the situation be bearable as possible by watching British TV on dvd. If there is anyone a fan of Midsomer Murders please hit me up & CONTACT ME! I would love to have a conversation. My readers from the U.K. I do get some from time to time contact me. I had a fight with Mom over the phone telling her how unhappy I was when I was a teen living under her roof. Don’t know how it came up I guess I was tired of pretending how everything is alright which nothing is alright with me ( I suffer) then when we first spoke it started with how her neighbors shoveled her stairs (she has many that lead to her car) and she went on & on about how nice that was. I was too depressed & resentful(because I couldn’t go out to take care of my business) then I somehow got on topic about there are no nice people & how I really haven’t experienced enough of it in my life and for any extended length of time. I have had one online friend show me kindness but I wanted more than what she could provide online friendships don’t do it for me, I need physical friendship. I then mentioned how depressed I was as a teen. And I didn’t even bring up how she would scream at me or threaten me with violence I intentionally left that alone & did not go there. As a rule one should never mention to a parent that abused them how sad their kid was because most parents that abuse their kids never admit to it later in life that is if your lucky enough to survive & not land in trouble once your older. I think its called gaslighting (google it) So that ended on a bad note.
That’s it for now. I’ve been living on pasta, instant ramen and cream of wheat. Most unbearable.
Spent it alone, you all out there just don’t realize just how good you have it with your friends, the person you lay in bed with at night, family. Basically you make me sick. I don’t have any of that!! And I know that you all out there don’t wish to read something like this. Too bad. I f I could I would smack the taste out of your mouth.
Nothing like spending A Christmas day alone to drive yo literally INSANE! Bluntly! I understand why people jump off of bridges, I really do. Because this is a World that JUST DOESN’T CARE!! But hey you all could care less because you think that it can’t happen to you right? Let me try to express to you exactly HOW I FELT! If you even care which I know you don’t.
It is the MOST hollow feeling in the whole wide world. Your depressed ( and I take meds and have for 3 years) when you have no money its 1000% worse. You all are so selfish do any of you even think to send a Christmas card to someone who IS ALL ALONE! But of course you don’t. You could care less. People like you I hate! You really do NOT think about someone who is really hurting do you? Please take at LEAST SOME time to think about this. Now excuse me while I lick my ever festering wounds:(
You Bourgeois Families Please Practice Some Tolerance…REALLY I’m a Great Person IF You really take the time to stop with the intolerance!
Thanksgiving! That wonderful holiday where you get to sit around the table enjoying the family & friends…….NOT! I don’t have that. SO this year I volunteered my time at a Catholic Church soup kitchen serving the Thanksgiving day meal. I had fun. However I was a bit peeved by the behavior of a White Father who was having a panic over his little girl who was hanging up (or trying to she was too short to reach the hook on the wall) in a substandard area at the top of a stairwell. It just so happens that I was in the same cramped area digging around for a pen to make notes. Since this was my first year doing this volunteer work ( because in previous years I always seem to miss out due to there already being enough people to volunteer and I wait till the last minute.) So this year I was able to volunteer.
Getting back to the overcrowded stairwell. The little girl who was White & maybe 10 or 11 was struggling to hang up her coat. I would have helped but in this day & age I think not! Well the little girls Father was all in a panic he yelled from the kitchen “Sarah you come out of there”! Meaning the coat area. I happen to be in there too. I immediately noticed the panic in the mans voice. It bothered me. White men please stop acting nervous you all love to jump to conclusions over us Blacks. I plan on having a discussion with the director over this issue and I know exactly what I will be discussing. White Fathers if you are this nervous why bring your family to a homeless soup kitchen to begin with & just celebrate Thanksgiving at your home in Suburbia? I also now know that I was the ONLY black person male or female who was among the 35 volunteers at the soup kitchen. I know for a FACT that White men despise Black women. I’m not stupid. I tried to talk to my Mother but she cut me short as usual to say that she had to get back to her cooking. I’m so sick & tired of how I’m treated and it’s going to end here. I have a very awful feeling that I may end up like so many other Blacks.
This is for the women on how to basically stay safe. As I write this it is early in the day. Having just came from around the corner at the local convenience store I had a possible encounter with a creep who came out of an area full of foliage on the upper lever of the street were cars pass. There were trees + foliage. As I was walking I kept my eye on this guy, who by the way kept looking at me. This guy walked ahead of me, but then all of a sudden HE turned around which mean’t that he possibly would have been walking behind me. I simply did a counter move which was I stopped dead in my tracks to get a better look at what the guy who came out of the bushes was doing. Low & behold I was right he WAS BEHIND me, and he was acting all nervous. It was right then that I KNEW that he was possibly up to no good. The move I made I learned from watching a spy movie a true life one at that. This is one of the many tactics actual spies learn a counter move which is exactly what I did. I just casually stood & sipped my latte watching the guy continue on down the street. See women you’ve got to be on your toes out here cause people are looking for MARKS or TARGETS! And this was 11:30AM not at night just so you know. Stay safe & stay sharp.
Hate Arrived At my Building
This morning as I was going around the corner, it was 7:30AM I needed snacks for the van ride out to Church. It was cold, brisk, and for some reason I had my head down scanning the ground. I don’t particularly know why I was looking at the ground, perhaps it could have been that sometimes I will find something very disgusting and so I don’t wish to get anything on my shoes. Just right outside the gate to the apartment that I live at I noticed a small white piece of paper. First thing I noticed was the universal hate symbol of a Swastika favorite symbol of the ever so hateful Nazi’s! The small note further had underneath it’s odious symbol the numbers 14, 88 which is a code you can look it up as I did on Google. It’s disgusting and makes me want to vomit……ON THE WHITE SUPREMECISTS !! I’ll tell you exactly whats on the note since I have it still, I haven’t yet thrown it away since I want to show it to the landlord as further proof. The note said the following: White Power with a Swastika along with the numbers 14 & 88 and just four words which were: Hindrance, Counteraction, Defiance, Obstruction. On the other side of the piece of paper was nothing but pre-printed advertisement Woodland Park Zoo which is on the North end and a capital W which is the symbol for the University of Washington, so the hateful scribe was written it seems on the back of a piece of raffle paper. How poetic ( note my sarcasm) Personally these F**kers need to be blown away but thats just my opinion. This is my Country too. Nothing like a sweet note to start your day off rightTHis morning as I was going around the corner, it was 7:30AM I needed snacks for the van ride out to Church. It was cold, brisk, and for some reason I had my head down scanning the ground. I don’t particularly know why I was looking at the ground, perhaps it could have been that sometimes I will find something very disgusting and so I don’t wish to get anything on my shoes. Just right outside the gate to the apartment that I live at I noticed a small white piece of paper. First thing I noticed was the universal hate symbol of a Swastika favorite symbol of the ever so hateful Nazi’s! The small note further had underneath it’s odious symbol the numbers 14, 88 which is a code you can look it up as I did on Google. It’s disgusting and makes me want to vomit……ON THE WHITE SUPREMECISTS !! I’ll tell you exactly whats on the note since I have it still, I haven’t yet thrown it away since I want to show it to the landlord as further proof. The note said the following: White Power with a Swastika along with the numbers 14 & 88 and just four words which were: Hindrance, Counteraction, Defiance, Obstruction. On the other side of the piece of paper was nothing but pre-printed advertisement Woodland Park Zoo which is on the North end and a capital W which is the symbol for the University of Washington, so the hateful scribe was written it seems on the back of a piece of raffle paper. How poetic ( note my sarcasm) Personally these F**kers need to be blown away but thats just my opinion. This is my Country too. Nothing like a sweet note to start your day off right!
Okay for those of you who love to judge someone who maybe unemployed, what you really need to understand is the circumstances behind it. For me in particular I’ve had no one who took any amount of time whatsoever to help me. Understand? I had no clue and it’s not like I had any kind of road map. For a Black woman that road is a whole lot harder. I had depression issues, manic depression issues and just about everyone & anyone didn’t care it’s as simple as that. Add to that a Parent that passed away and I was basically set back! In my journey, and let me tell you my journey was filled with not just speed bumps but land mines and all the while I’m getting your garden variety hate from your garden variety bigots yes that Racism that loves to rear it’s ugly head!! I understand why incarceration rates among Black & Brown women are astronomical, Native women too. I am looking on the employment website called Indeed.com I found a particular job that I think that I could be well suited for except it would call for me to study business which I’m okay with & learn another language I’m really smart heck I could probably learn to speak a couple of different ones. However what gets to me everyday is how little no one gives a damn on how I feel. It’s been this way my whole life. Childhood, teen years, Adulthood. It’s like people treat me like I’m some sort of peaseant! or worse. The oppression is horrible in this Country sometimes I feel as though instead of 2018 it’s like 1958! It’s for that reason my one dream is to OWN my own business and although I don’t know how I’m going to do that it’s what I’m going to do! Because let me clue you in on something: I’ve never been treated fairly on any of the jobs I’ve had. Hey, I can’t afford to not face the truth the supervisors I’ve had were awful! To give you one example and I’ll put this company on blast, I worked at a plastics manufacturing plant located in Ballard Wa. I worked in the Clerical department were the woman supervisor was such a bitch. I came in one morning to say “good morning” She snapped at me “what have you got to be so happy about”? Here is something I’ve noticed especially with some supervisors when you have a good attitude your slammed, if your angry it’s “see those blacks are always angry” I ain’t making this up people. Damned if you do damned if you don’t! I wish I had that White privilege because being a Black woman is exhausting. We’re placed right at the bottom . We’re considered low, no one cares about us just check out the video I’ve pasted on here if you dare. It gets worse still. See when I grew up especially in California I didn’t have these kinds of problems. I grew up in the 1970’s now it seems hip to hate. No one gives a damn about Black women. Don’t believe me go Google Charleena Lyles! and Sandra Bland just to name some. For over 30 years trying to find employment, I get mean cold glares, volunteering at a place like the Life Long Aids Alliance nothing but prejudice. Nothing like being treated like the lowest worm to build you up right? and this all happening LONG before Trump took to the White House.