Hello I’m back.   still struggling and baby it’s difficult.  but that isn’t the reason I’m writing this blog today. 

today I want to write about lottery.  what comes to your mind when you think of a “lottery”   most of you might answer money, and you really wouldn’t be too far off in thinking that.   However the types of lottery I’m really talking about are lotteries for :

affordable housing

gaining entry into a coveted spot into a quality top flight educational charter


for those of you out there who might not know what a charter school is I will do my best to explain what it is.   a charter school simply put is a much better quality education for your children than whatever the public school system offers.  it means that a charter isn’t mandated to follow bureaucratic rules over how to teach kids, charter schools don’t have unionized teachers because in the public school system it seems that all those teachers care about is their contract & trying to fire an incompetent teacher?  your more likely to get the musician Prince to rise up from the grave.    The quality of teaching is above par kids come first in these schools, and to better demonstrate more of what I’m talking about I recommend two documentaries:

1. waiting for superman

2. the lottery

both excellent documentaries which explain the educational crisis in the U.S    I should know I am a product of the public school system & I graduated with a 5th grade math level, couldn’t put together a complete sentence and  I was ill prepared to face the real world at 18 years of age.   I was 18 going on 10 emotionally.

another lottery is affordable housing.  are any of you familiar with what that is.  well basically people on a real low income like social security can’t afford real high rent so there is something called subsidized housing which the low income person pays a small portion of their rent & the local housing authority pays the difference.   People on social security get on it for a variety of reasons to include mental health issues among others.  Now to get on this type of housing one must apply, then there is an electronic lottery to then get on a waitlist.    I’m lucky I have subsidized housing but I don’t want to be on this forever.   I hope to one day

possibly study to be a math teacher for personal reasons.   but it seems so sad to me that in what is supposed to be the greatest country is now the poorest .  a person has to put their fate into a lottery especially if the person is poor.  this was what was going through my mind after watching the lottery documentary. 

welcome to president trumps country.  at least Hilary cared about women & their futures.



Why Women Shouldn’t Marry

As an adult survivor of Parents of a very bitter & nasty divorce as well as complex severe childhood abandonment + abuse I write my own commentary on why it’s a bad idea for women to marry any man.    

Women don’t need a man.

Men are abusive & just want a Mother

Men want to play around & around leaving the woman to care for the children, the work, and everything else.

Men are lazy.

When kids enter into the picture, when the parents divorce it is often times the FATHER who likes to use the kids as bargaining chips as a way to get back at whatever perceived slight the Mother has done.  Guess what this does?  TRAUMATIZE’S both kids & the Mother.   How do I know?  I was that kid, and my Mother she is still alive but she did attempt suicide thanks to dear old Dad who didn’t want to act like a man and work things out that would benefit the kids.   However the kids seem to be the bottom of the priority list of the Father.

I’m sick & tired of all the women bashing when it’s the men who cause the damage I know from very personal experience.   My grades, my life, my identity everything suffered decades later because this kind of trauma doesn’t ever go away no matter how hard one might try.   I’ve been through the therapist mill until finally I found someone who will work through all my issues which could fill up two Navy aircraft carriers.

Women do work, however when there is pressure to have kids, then care for them you expect them to be what?  Wonder Woman ?   Kids require work!   Kids are very messy, kids run around & have energy.     Hello?

This whole misogyny what is up with that?   Stop treating women like we’re nothing but chattel.   We’re human beings.     

To be continued

Why I’ve Left The LGBT Lifestyle

The community itself is pretty racist!  Lack of cohesiveness, cliquey, full of mistrust, very, very, abusive to each other, and I could go on & on with this.   I like nothing about the communit…

Source: Why I’ve Left The LGBT Lifestyle

Why I’ve Left The LGBT Lifestyle

The community itself is pretty racist!  Lack of cohesiveness, cliquey, full of mistrust, very, very, abusive to each other, and I could go on & on with this.   I like nothing about the community.  As a very attractive black woman the community as a whole is a big waste of my time.   Women never seem to know what they want.   It seems to me that the majority of the LGBT spend their time either guarding the person that their with much like soldiers who guard gold at Fort Knox OR

Spend their time chasing, longing, staring (quite hard that it’s downright uncomfortable) at some woman when what these women should be doing is FOCUSING on THEMSELVES!

I’ve simply excommunicated myself from this lifestyle.   The women just aren’t worth my time or attention.   I loathe the lot of them.   Women for the most part especially gay ones are just a big fat pain in the ass.    Most of them seem unhappy anyway, those that are in a relationship seem to me to be kept on a very, very short leash!   I give you a woman named Anna as one example.   I mean all the woman did one day was help me move a damn recliner chair that was arranged by my Mother unbeknownst to me & when Anna & my Mom got to my apartment to move the chair Anna’s lover was blowing up her phone every few seconds.

These women are crazy.   No they can’t do a relationship.   Take my advice women.  Your better off staying single!

Message to you stepparents out there!

Here’s a message to all of you stepparents & would be stepparents. Are you ready? Quit being so damn selfish! and accept the previous marriage children as your own. And not only that Men & Women, but LOVE them as if they’re your own. As a former child who grew up with 2 stepparents I’ve found you all to be a selfish as well as lacking insight when it comes to the man or woman that you are about to betroth.
First off let me explain something to you.
YOU! Stepparent weather you like it or not must PROVE that you are even worthy to be a part of your spouses & stepchildren’s life.
Did you hear me? And what that means is future stepparents is that you don’t get to bring YOUR previous emotional baggage INTO the damn marriage.
It also means that ANY insecurity that YOU might have needs to be checked at the therapist office or wherever you go to talk to someone for support.
Am I getting through to any of you out there.
That also means that IF you don’t approve of how your future spouses children are raised by his or her former spouse YOU future stepparent DO NOT get to shame the children by calling them such names as spoiled, brat, bitch, bastard (names I’ve been called by my Fathers former 2nd Wife A___) You just don’t get to do that. If you have such issues future stepparent you had better get them all RESOLVED OR get ONGOING counseling. Cause YOU don’t have the right to take out your venom on innocent children that had no nothing to do with the fucked up problems of you adults who can’t seem to get your act together. I hate the lot of you. All you think about is yourselves.

I hate Bullies don’t you?

I just loathe bullies.   Bullies rear their ugly heads it seems time & time again throughout one’s life, How come its alright to force how a person chooses to live their life even if it is pretty demoralizing down the throat of everyone else.   Does that not seem like bullying?  

Example the gay lifestyle.   If you love it ?  More power to you but please stop shoving in the faces of little kids, in the public school system they don’t need to be exposed to that have you all lost your minds?!   I don’t like gays, I have left that lifestyle forever.    I don’t like gays because of many reasons one being arrogance, aggressiveness, and they’re all around bullies.    After 20 years of the that lifestyle I’m leaving it behind forever.   But I don’t want to hear about it on”

TV. commercials or anywhere else.    It’s not a great lifestyle, nor is it beautiful.    It’s more like its a harmful very psychologically damaging one as well as most if not all of the LGBT are extremely disrespectful to just about anyone else except their own inner circle & whoever they may be in a relationship with.

It’s not a lifestyle that’s worth celebrating.   It’s a lifestyle that’s damaging, I can attest to that all too well.   And you know what?  You won’t be bullying me to accept your agenda.   Even if it means an all out War.   I’ll tell you how I feel in no uncertain terms.  And I’ll defend it!   Because I stand up to bullies who care about no one but themselves.


One Day.

One day I’d like to live in a small town that’s friendly, where theres minimal to no rude, sarcastic, caustic people.     One day I’d like to be able to say hi to a stranger & not worry if that stranger will want to do harm to me.   One day I’d like to feel at home in my new city w/o worrying if someone hates me on sight!

One day I’d like to live in a new city where I’ll have friends who actually care about me & not sexual objectification  or romantically expect something from me that I can’t possibly fulfill , what I want? a  platonic innocent friendship.    The current city I live in it’s pretty vile.

And one day I’d like to have my own private little house, cabin, or even a nice mobile home with a patch of land where I can just live in peace, because I know that I truly deserve that!

One day I will make it so.

Some TV Shows Leave Me Scratching My Head!

As a woman who has been bullied her entire life, and I mean entire life even althrough my adulthood,  I get kind of resentful with some of the shows certain networks think we the consumers want to watch.

Case in point this new show about people with downs syndrome.  Now A&E exploits them.   I too have a diagnosed disability which has been the cause of much shaming, abuse in school, at home, everywhere else.

I feel that TV exec’s just have no clue about the what the public wants nor what we can relate to.   Me, I don’t relate to someone with Down’s Syndrome.   I relate to aspects of someone who has bipolar, a learning disability, having a Mother that looks different from yourself & the kids target you based on racial hate, I relate to being sexually harassed or having someone else who develops a romantic attraction towards you then gets upset b/c you don’t feel the same way, someone who has those kinds of feelings towards me are NOT entitled to ME they must earn their right to get close.    These are things that hit close to home for me.    Some of the shows that some TV producers or exec’s who make the decisions on just what to put on TV just leave me scratching my head. Its the reason that I pick what I want to watch.   I don’t have cable, I only watch a few selected shows when I housesit at a friends cause theres no avoiding those inane  publicity commercials.

So, I’ll use that one magnificient invention that’s valuable on the remote control.

The mute button.


Don’t Understand All The Fuss

I’m angry.   Of What? The Syrians.   As an African American Woman who has suffered from hate, bullying, more hate all at the hands of other women sometimes other men, I am angry that despite all of the overcrowding now the Syrian people are taking refuge.   I resent it.  Today a crowd assembled at the State capitol of Olympia Washington one for the refugees others against.

I resent all of it.   But what I will tell you is this.   My heart goes out to the citizens of Paris.   Paris France has always been a favorite.   The French are known for their wonderful treatment of African Americans going as far back as the 20’s when an influx of jazz musicians began migrating there.   It is a place I hope to go to some day both Paris as well as the South of France.   I just refuse to let fear rule my life.   Remember I grew up with a brutal Step Father who was a U.S. Marine who served in Korea.    I’m more mad than anything else and no we really don’t need anymore refugees.    I guess it’s probably time to move elsewhere in the future.   I find it ironic that liberal Whites get all bent out of shape over resistance to Syrian refugees who want to come to this Country, Yet when African Americans get racially slurred then humiliated then demeaned they do nothing but ignore us.     WTF?     This Country never ceases to frustrate me.  I’m thankful this holiday for free speech because having a voice is about the only thing I have.     With little respect given me, struggling beyond my wildest dreams, A Mother who mistreats me, I thank God I have my writing abilities.   What is up with this F**ked up World??