Alone for Christmas? Me Too!

I loathe Christmas time. I just don’t like all the propaganda surrounding it. And the MAJORITY of people buy into it! Took me years to disengage from the corny Christmas mindset & that includes those corny Christmas songs. However, I LOVE Run DMC the 80’s rap group for those of you not in the know, they had a really cool Christmas song. And Boy’s To Men had a Christmas album out. The rest makes me want to puke!

It’s not just because I am spending it alone, although it would be nice to have that special someone of course I won’t lie. However THAT is difficult to meet a special someone in life.

I don’t like Christmas because of what most people attach it’s meaning to:

PRESENTS and oh my GOD! People love to brag about what they’ve got for Christmas, put on airs, act pretentious. Example: “Oh Susie Richard gave me the most beautiful watch!

So help me God, when I have the money I will gift myself something fabulous from none other than Tiffany’s OR Neiman Marcus for Christmas. If I fall in love same thing. I have the determination of Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With The Wind after her entire hometown went down in FLAMES! She made that vow atop a hill or something! And she said it as a way NOT to give up or give in to DEFEAT!

A Christmas tree

But mostly PRESENTS!

Really? I’ve had to really humble myself for many, many, many years! And most of you out there while your spending this day with friends, family actually FORGET that there are those of us who actually come from not so great families. Families that are toxic, have psychiatric problems, health problems, aren’t emotionally healthy. All this rings true with me which is why I spend these so called holidays alone.

I actually have my Mother left but she is married to her Husband who is miserable & mean. Enough said on that!

Unfortunately God hasn’t smiled upon me to put in my life an EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY, attractive someone. Just hasn’t happened I don’t attract healthy types meaning EMOTIONALLY healthy ones who have actually GROWN UP! Matured at least in some ways.

Also for those of you who have both of your parents I mean your ACTUAL PARENTS who are perhaps still together & your able to celebrate Christmas with please count your blessings! My Father passed away in 2007.

I have brothers & sisters but guess what? we all have different Mothers due to my Fathers multiple marriages. They don’t believe in keeping in touch either despite my efforts to reach out. Some of my brothers are on the selfish side, are in jail, or some have had some substance abuse issues. My sisters I have no idea how I would be able to get in touch with any of them.

However, I hope that they are all well. Hope that my brothers aren’t in jail.

Let me say, that this is the VERY FIRST YEAR which I’ve not been DEPRESSED everyone! THAT is the best Christmas gift! Going through the holidays & all alone isn’t something that is easy at all! It is HELL!

IT’S A BITCH! I’ve gone through several years of this. And I don’t know how I got through it. Most of them I slept through it never getting out of bed except to go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t even get up to eat. Most people don’t make it! I think you all know what I mean.

This is for my Brothers & Sisters going it alone for the holiday season please don’t give up!

Ways to get through it:

Listen to your favorite CD’s or albums

Cook a meal! I’ve found cooking to be so therapeutic AND you can watch cooking tutorials there are many on YouTube channel. Because Brothers & Sisters it’s how I’m even able to cook ANYTHING!

I’m roasting a chicken something I learned off the channel among other things. My tastes run to the ethnic side and for the first time ever I’ve learned how to cook collard greens ( and the correct way).

Please stay strong all my solo friends going through the holiday I know that its hard but as the saying goes:

“This Too Shall Pass” And its really true.

I would recommend comedy, any show that is your favorite. Everyone has a favorite . Stream off of Amazon.com.

For example here is what I plan to watch on Christmas:

Speed Racer ( On the Motor Trend channel Amazon)

Meet The Browns ( and yes it’s actually pretty good season one anyway)

Murdoch Mysteries

Ken Burns History of Jazz

This is what I like. Don’t listen to anything negative inside your head get some much needed distraction. Something positive keep on keeping on as the saying goes!

This time of year does suck! And lastly even if you don’t want to , pray.

Like Scarlett O’Hara had said in Gone With The Wind? “I will think about that tomorrow”. “Tomorrow is another day”.

Should I Shuffle My Feet & Say Yess ‘Um’?

Today was a very nice day, I was out to go to Traders Joes for food to take with me to the hotel. I will be attending a 7PM Mosque Friday, and I’ll need microwave food to eat.

After I finished my brief shopping at T.J.’s I decided to take the bus up the street. Once I got off the bus I was annoyed seeing at the intersection that I was to cross on 3 of the four corners panhandlers with their signs holding their signs up. Were I live is a long way from Seattle, you need to take a ferry boat ride out here. But the panhandlers/ homeless seemed to have found out about the area I live in.

As I was walking I always feel a twinge of anxiety . There was one man, he had his shirt off, he had long somewhat unkempt hair and I was a bit on edge. I don’t trust many of these panhandlers here is why:

I know all too well what its like to have NOTHING! I feel that these panhandlers should apply for day labor jobs, apply for state assistance, or some such other help. I did it, and so can they but these folks want an easy buck, its as simple as that! I can’t stand seeing someone just standing on the corner taking up space, then asking for money.

I at one time was almost assaulted by a panhandler while in downtown Seattle during the day. So I have good reason to dislike panhandlers.

So, I am crossing the street closely eyeing the panhandlers, gripping my industrial strength oc pepper spray, when I see a middle aged woman sitting on one of those collapsible lawn chairs holding out her panhandling sign. She practically took up the whole corner.

I simply by passed her by taking a short cut through a church parking lot that was directly behind ‘panhandle lady’. I get no more than a few feet walking towards the direction of the shopping plaza to go check my private mail box when an elderly White woman who was going in the opposite direction and was several feet away from me, asks:

‘Can I help you’? I saw right through that everyone. If you haven’t been following whats been going on both in the news & on social media you’ll need to know that African Americans are being profiled EVERYWHERE, they go.

Walking

Riding a bicycle

Driving a car

Doing lawn chores AT THEIR HOME!

Taking out the trash at their own residence

Ad nauseum

I replied with : ‘No, I am just taking a short cut’. And let me say my readers this cretin didn’t even deserve that much out of me, however my readers I was raised NOT to ignore people when asked a question.

The old bag then replied back in a very sarcastic tone:

‘Oh well good for you’!

I have to give myself a good pat on the back for not cussing her out.

Funny, there is a woman same ethnicity who parks her fannie on a lawn chair with a panhandle sign & she isn’t confronted nor asked a stupid question?

Really?

Social Media Is Stupid! I Hate It.

As far as I’m concerned this whole social media craze is utterly STUPID! And I hate it. To me it’s just like F**king high school all over again with the popularity “the followers” and those stupid “likes” just like Goddamned high school. And High school was hell for me, I was never really popular, I was getting abused at home by my Mom & no one seemed to give a damn about me.

I was trying to get back into my ZERO FOLLOWER Instagram account so that I could write a measly 150 words which is so stupid because that is not enough words to tell about yourself. If your lazy and hate to write I think this site is for those people.

I sort of got inspired to TRY to set up a social media account by the former therapist N. Her sites are GREAT! I’m already really discouraged & just want to destroy this computer. I’m not a great lover of technology anyway.

So I just give up on the whole damn thing. It really turns me so OFF!! I feel insecure, I have no one that can help me & I don’t even know how to get a picture of myself on the stupid site! I don’t know how all of you out there like this shit! Guess I will be left out as always.

The end.

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Out Of The Madness. Wow. I haven’t written on here in a very long while. A whole lot has happened.

My Mom’s 3rd husband passed away in May. I had to step in as a full time caregiver which for me was a HUGE adjustment after YEARS of living isolated & alone this certainly was far from easy for me. Anyone caring for an elderly parent knows exactly what I mean.

I am now living OUT OF THE STATE of the deplorable state of Washington! Anyone who has read my previous blogs on here already knows just how much I hated Washington but here are more reasons.

Seattle has turned into Zombie land complete with open air drug use, people nodding off wherever & whenevery doesn’t matter. Seattle, has become 100% grade A deplorable. The police has been defunded crime, homocides have risen & people will just walk into stores load up a trash bag & RIDE UP ON OUT of the damn store.

This kind of shoplifting has happened to :

Macy’s so that store closed down

Columbia jacket store low life’s will walk in grab a handful of jackets & just walk right out the door.

Shoplifting has become very rampant & it just makes me sick to my stomach. I have never seen anything like it.

And its worse.

The criminals don’t care either they’re brazen enough to say to the after hours security F YOU I don’t care if your police.

I am so glad I don’t live in Seattle.

Thank God I have a friend who was willing to put me up at her home until I can find a place.

I have a section 8 voucher.

Seattle & its people make me sick.

Lawlessness & the most low class riff raff can be found there.

And don’t get me started on the cost of living.

Do your research.

I’m done for now.

I

Seattle Part 2

I may have an opportunity to FINALLY get out of Seattle. A city which I’ve had problems & issues with going all the way back to the 1990’s.

I was sitting here writing out my next days agenda when it occurred to me that the people in the Northwest seem to me very intolerant, entitled. I don’t say this as someone judgemental because I’ve actually had personal experience with what I just wrote.

When I used to ride a public bus ‘certain’ people with whom I would sit next to acted as though I were some troll under a bridge or someone with a deformity about me. Because these same people would sneer & move to another seat. What did I do to garner such behavior? Nothing had that has happen a few times.

While walking along a sidewalk in downtown Bellevue there was this tall, lanky gentleman ( I use that term loosely he was steadily & at a very rapid pace kept walking & didn’t seem to stop. He had been behind me. He was being somewhat aggressive basically a ‘dick’. Unsure what his hurry was but he was walking like he was going to a fire, and walked around me at the last minute like he was impatient or something. I don’t think that this guy was from the Pacific Northwest. I was told by someone that it seemed like this guy may have been back East? I have nothing but love for East Coast. Whereever he might have been from there was no need to intimidate me like that! I mean there weren’t that many people on the sidewalk! Here’s another one for you. One summer here in Seattle, and despite what you may have heard Seattle gets beautiful weather however it doesn’t seem to last very long in the summer months. I was very depressed so what I did was get up off my butt & I went to the park. Now this was a long time ago b/f the homeless problem this was in the 1990’s. I decided to go to the Greenlake park located just North of Seattle. The year I went you could rent those ‘inline’ skates which I don’t know if those are still around or not. I wanted to skate around the lake, which would have gotten rid of the cobwebs. I had thought that I had a good idea.

Well, I arrive at the Greenlake Community Center to rent the inline skates, knee pads, helmet & other padding when I was met with a very HOSTILE young lady unsure of her age perhaps 18-20 and she was really mean! She worked behind the counter & she was not happy to be there. I didn’t have good insight like I do now otherwise I should have simply LEFT the community center & chose something else to do. But I wanted to enjoy Green lake & skate I simply wanted to enjoy the summer day.

Her mood did not improve once it was my turn up at the counter. She snarled at me with her mouth all downturned. It is my opinion that whatever is bothering you, then either close up shop, take a break, or simply EXPLAIN hey I’m having a bad day. But this young lady whom I’m guess may have been about 18 didn’t want to nor did she seem to care! In essence she was an entitled brat who wanted to enjoy the sun which is understandable but why take a job dealing with customers if your going to be rude & nasty? The youngsters must understand but this one simply did not, as a fledgling young adult some sacrifices must be made & it isn’t all about YOU!

I basically stood up for myself . The young woman simply gave me the equipment FOR A LITTLE KID so the equipment didn’t fit cutting off my circulation. It did not occur to me that she was passive aggressive. I never returned to Green Lake again. Now its not great with homeless people around & women especially women walking alone getting attacked.

For much of my adult life all I’ve encountered are very mean people here. Two exceptions were:

My former friend Spike who now lives in Georgia

and

Judy who also moved.

Spike hated it here in Seattle which was why she scraped together a bus ticket & took the first thing smoking! She was lucky she is not originally from here.

Try as I might I just haven’t met any friends here. Seattle is one big plastic city. Sometimes living here is like being exposed to a snobby Country club.

Now its so much worse with the rise in really horrific crime & I’m not just talking about someone casually sticking something into their jacket, talking about hoards of shoplifters looting! Since when did the U.S. become such a sociopathic society?

To be continued.

Seattle

Seattle. What can one say about Seattle my readers. I know what I have to say & I will be blunt. Seattle like the documentary I cut & pasted then posted onto WordPress is definitely dying.

Anyone a fan of the classic movie ‘Vertigo’? Gavin Alster the shipbuilder & slimy person who lured Jimmy Stewart down that dark path, here’s what he said in a scene were He & Jimmy Stewart were in Gavin’s luxury office at the shipyard that he was CEO of, they were reminiscing after a long absence of seeing one another said this in the movie:

“All the things that spell San Francisco are gone now” ( Movie took place in San Francisco)

I feel the same way about Seattle. It’s weird I know. I complained for years how unfriendly it is and Seattle is unfriendly I mean my readers they don’t call it ‘Seattle Freeze’ for nothing.

But, Seattle & all the good things about it seem to me LONG GONE, and in its place there is just this phoniness, a plastic surface about this town. I know, I SAW how Seattle used to look . Seattle was alright, pretty mellow you had business Mom & Pop. I remember a great locally owned business called ‘The Locker Room’ which was so awesome! I think it was 3rd & Stewart and I wasn’t really all that into sports except basketball which at the time I really was into.

Tell you a funny story, I came back from a festival called Bumpershoot over at the Seattle Center ( didn’t like it, it lacked wouldn’t recommend it) I was riding the bus back uptown to connect onto another bus this was back in 2015 and I got LOST near the area of the Westlake panhandle. Reason? Brand new buildings were put up everywhere. It felt as though I were in another city & another town! I didn’t recognize ANYTHING. I felt as though I were in an episode of the Twilight Zone it kind of scared me. Yikes!

I’ll probably end here I’ve got stuff to do in my apartment, I’m hoping to relocate. OH I hope to GET OUT of the Northwest! But thats for another possible blog.

I already have depression with the weather, lack of diversity, now the high crime, drugs, and the GENTRIFICATION. Hate real estate developers.

I’ll talk to you later.

I Was In Middle School, A Teacher Was Indifferent 2 Me.

Another story this one will be brief. I was 13 attending an awful middle school in Seattle. Whats so funny is that NOW this same middle school has now added ‘international’ to its title. Example: ‘John James International School’. I mean it sounds to me a tad bit pretentious but thats just me.

I was in a class called ‘music’ . I have no idea WHY I was put into this class. Want to know why? Because I knew NOTHING about music, didn’t know how to play an instrument. Let me remind you all out there that I’m a child of 13 who is emotionally stunted due to all the trauma I suffered & still continued to suffer as I was being verbally bullied by adults & kids alike. Not exactly fun for someone like me who was sensitive as well as impressionable! So wanted a positive mentor, however there were no role models.

I was MISPLACED in this music class, I did the best I could so I merely showed up! As to the rest of the time spent in the class I was lost. Basically all I did was to notice all the other kids in the class . Had a crush or two on a boy. I mostly liked the ones who were well liked by the other kids. One of my favorites was a boy named ‘Leo’.

One day when that very loud & odious class bell rang to dismiss the class I approached Mr Hayes the music teacher. I said to him how I wanted to play in the school band. Band was something I REALLY had an interest in, however unfortunately I didn’t come from a family that played music. My family listened to music on the stereo but not much else.

Mr Hayes asked me: ‘Do you play an instrument’?

I replied with: ‘No’

Mr Hayes: ‘Then I’m afraid that you can’t play in the school band’. And THAT everyone was basically it. The conversation didn’t go any further, and I was CRUSHED, disappointed, all of my confidence basically flushed down the toilet. I had, had, severe depression but upon hearing Mr Hayes the music teacher say to me what he said basically devastated me. I’m an impressionable child w/o any confidence & I mean I had no confidence!

Today, I want to have some study of music integrated into my future college studies. I don’t want to pursue it as a major because it won’t land me any employment. So I will study it as a minor . And yes its that essential for ME!

You teachers out there? Listen up please. ENCOURAGE your students to LEARN music. Because what you say to them can last a LIFETIME! This incident with Mr Hayes happened to me decades ago & you know what? I never forgot it. He was a terrible excuse of a human being in my eyes. Because any good teacher especially a music teacher would say or should say something like this:

‘thats great you have an interest , its a start. Come see me at ( such & such time) and we can discuss this further. That ‘further’ could have been a way I could have gotten lessons on whatever instrument that interested me, OR have a bunch of instrument’s laid out for me to pick. NOW THAT would have been an example of a caring teacher! We’re talking kids futures.

But Mr Hayes didn’t care about me, that is so obvious. I feel to this day that SOME kind of arrangement could have been made. In trade for the music lessons say I could have worked in the schools cafeteria doing some sort of menial work. And I would have done it because I was raised by a single Mom that taught me the value of doing chores. Money would not have been involved. Today , kids are given so much more opportunity.

And it wasn’t like I was growing up in the freaking 1950’s either.

I’m mad over the injustice. Just another example of INSTITUITIONAL RACISM at its finest.

I’ll get back at you.

Anyone A Fan Of Classic Movie Actresses?

I am a fan of the late Grace Kelly. But not the family she married into. She married Prince Monaco of some Country along the French Rivera I am careful not to read a whole lot so I don’t get triggered. My own Mother was in a severe abusive relationship.

This blog will be brief. Here is what I read though readers. The Late Alfred Hitchcock favored Grace Kelly & wanted to offer her the opportunity to star in ‘Marnie’ ( Only A.H. movie I haven’t seen) and Grace wanted the role she didn’t care about the money either although she would have been paid 2M what would have been an equivalent to 7M today. Grace Kelly LOVED acting.

However readers here is the story & it was so heart breaking I HAD to stop reading. Hope you don’t judge me.

Grace was living in that Country of Monaco very unhappy. She had 2 young children into that marriage.

She reached out to a chaplain to talk to. Grace asked what would happen if she were to accept the movie role . The news wasn’t good. She would never be allowed to see her children again.

OVER A MOVIE ROLE! So, Grace Kelly had to sacrifice something that she loved doing for that husband who it seemed was well connected. This is why I don’t think much of that Royal family my readers.

Even someone like Grace Kelly could not escape the oppression that was so common. And she came from a wealthy Philadelphia family. The Prince of Monaco & his staff even had the nerve to ask for a dowry. See that Country needed a wealthy woman to bear an heir so that the country would not go bankrupt!

UGH! Makes me sick to my stomach.

I really wished that I didn’t like Grace Kelly but she can act, has a lot of class & she one of many I like that appeals to me. But her story , her real life story was tragic readers. OMG , I no longer drink alcohol if I did I sure would fix a drink, however seltzer water will do.

I just hate sad stories about any woman! Oppression is a bitch! I’ll get back at ya!

Social Media Has Made Society Even More Judgmental, Shallow, and Stupid.

Tonight my readers I was just thrown some major SHADE by a Facebook moderator of a group that promotes Christian values. I will no longer join anything Christian. I’m done with them. I won’t say or mention the groups name but they sure are judgement & shallow just like how it was back in high school.

I click to join a group you all are familiar with that. I get a reply from the moderator. The moderator says to me:

‘Your Facebook seemed questionable, you have no photo, and you only have 7 friends’. Thats what she said in her message. It seemed to me like she was being:

Judgemental

Shaming me over having a low friend count & I haven’t been on Facebook all that long, I leave, come back, leave.

And Shallow just all around denigrating me. Is this what God wants? Please tell me, I have nothing in my life I’m all alone seeking spirituality but I now feel that this certainly isn’t the way to go.

Oh yes, and this so called woman promotes Christian values? How am I supposed to trust any CHRISTIAN organization? They’re full of shit.

I will join a religion but it won’t be Christian.

Never thought I would hear some stupidity like this!

It reminds me of when the hurricane hit Texas one year & Joel Osteen wouldn’t open his mega church to house the victims of Hurricane Harvey that one year. I posted the blog its somewhere on my page.

Thats my rant.

“I’ve Fallen & Can’t Get Up”

Yes I know its the joke catch phrase of that one senior citizen commercial advertising the bracelet that activates the medical personnel to come get you.

However my readers, I am not a senior citizen but when I got severely ill I will no longer make fun of that commercial here’s why.

Now if you get grossed out click out right now it’s not that gross but I will tell you I had nearly cracked my head onto the porcelain of the toilet of my bathroom.

What happened during the month of January of this year I contracted what I can only describe as the WORST stomach virus I ever had in all of my life! It left me so weak I could not stand even for a few seconds,

Once I stood up, pulled up my pajamas BOOM I fainted quicker than the Ali – Frazier fight.

Nearly missing the toilet. Had I hit that I would have been out for God knows how long.

And this had nothing to do with my age everyone. I really did feel like the lady in the commercial readers.

I got sick btw by eating contaminated meat from of all places friends an outlet store. Warning friends I would not recommend buy any meat at your local grocer. If you love your meat buy it Halal. I’m just wanting to warn you. You can Google up Halal butchers in your area.

Being sick is no joke. Glad God chose not to call me home as we in the African American community refer to well you know ‘going home’.

Figure it out.

Till next time.

If You Don’t Like Me For Me, I don’t care!

I love disco & I won’t apologize for it.

I don’t eat meat or any animal products & I don’t apologize for it.

I am not perfect I love being around family during holidays, when that doesn’t happen I get sad that causes me to be bedridden. Accept it. I don’t wear an ‘S’ on my chest!

I want the retro style of clothes to come back. Nope I don’t apologize for that.

In a relationship the chores, cooking? 50/50.

I won’t obey a spouse that needs to be taken out of the wedding vows.

Wrong thing to say in a relationship is ‘where’s dinner’? Google up your nearest Fast food place. I’m not your Mother.

Want to leave me? That’ll be fine but your gonna pay me for whatever time & effort I spent putting into the relationship. Which everyone is the reason I never married. I know all about how a woman will get used, thrown away, only to be replaced. Go Google stories about actual women that this has happened to. along with stories of men who have done worse. I don’t trust any man, I don’t trust women. I’m not a slave & didn’t slavery end a couple hundred years ago?

With growth comes a certain freedom:

You’ll not talk down to me

You will respect me for the beautiful woman that I am

and if you choose neither then keep on walking!

Cause these are my dictates!👏

This One Goes Out To You Spike You Were Smart To Get Out Of Seattle!!

One of the last times I spoke with former friend Spike was in 2010 when I was vacationing in New Orleans with My Mother. I had Facebook that year when Spike remembered my last name & reached out to me.

Spike & I used to hang out in Seattle many years ago when it WASN’T too dangerous. We would go have a meal together nothing fancy one of those homestyle comfort foods type of place. We would hang out & watch I think it was ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’.

Unfortunately I had so many issues that being my disturbing childhood trauma. I needed someone who DIDN’T come from a violent background. I needed someone grounded. I wasn’t anti social not one bit I loved people, there were times I could just ‘click’ and I could take it from there.

However Spike was troubled too & the friendship chemistry really began to show some cracks. I needed to step away so that I could figure some things out with my life. And let me say this my readers I had an ENORMOUS task doing that! Because I just did not know ANY healthy people. My family? Surely you jest! My Father was alive at the time but he was extremely weak minded! For a male that is NEVER good especially when you have a family that depends upon you for wisdom & support. I’m sure everyone reading this no matter what background or lifestyle you lead can understand this.

So, I made a decision to distance myself I didn’t know what else to do, I had NO ONE to talk to I’m unsure if I even was seeing a therapist that year.

To make a long story short when I had the brief reunion with her she told me that she grew tired of all the drug dealing that was going on in her building out in Lake City. Lake City, I wouldn’t move there if you gave away a nice apartment & paid all the rent thats how bad it is there. It’s a depressing part of town like much of Seattle.

After Spike left that apt she tried several roommates none really worked out for her. Let me say getting a roommate is never easy. It’s why I don’t live with one. I’ve only had ONE that worked out many years ago. But I had to move b/c the owner sold the house & I had to move. I wasn’t happy. It’s been renter hell for me ever since.

Spike left Seattle in ’02’ to move back East to stay with her Sister. She is originally from Mass.

She then moved down to Georgia to go live with her other Sister. Her life is 360 degrees BETTER than when she was here in Seattle! Oh what a difference a change to a more positive region MAKES!

She is doing well last time I heard its been a while.

I tried to do something similar me being born in Los Angeles my Father owned his own State Farm insurance business so he lived in a good part of town, and it was close to all the bus lines as I was too poor to own a car despite knowing how to drive a car.

I really tried to make a go of it but there was only one problem readers.

His current Wife at the time she was JEALOUS! This is why women get on my LAST NERVE!

I had wanted to stay with Dad until I could get on my feet & get my own place or to find some kind of resources to help me with getting on my feet. But with all the drama going on at the home of my Father I had to leave & I had nowhere else I could go to for support AND my readers I didn’t know about any organizations which I could’ve went to for help to get me on my feet. Example: The Larkin House located in San Francisco that org helps youth from 16-24 yrs of age I was 22 the year I went to go live with my Father, the Larkin House provides help for homeless youth which I would have been, helping them with housing & employment something I so desparetely needed. But guess what? I had no one who was there to help me with any info, Los Angeles is a very lonely place were no one will befriend you. If you weren’t lucky enough to make any friends or meet someone your all on your own & without that everyone I was lost & adrift I was also emotionally stunted I was 22 going on 11 yrs old so what chance did I have?. I even tried to reach out to my Cousins who lived out in Venice Beach but it seemed that they wanted nothing to do with me.

At least I did try though. Having a relative or two like Spike did really goes a long way.

Sadly I just didn’t have that. During the year that I was in L.A. it wasn’t as bad as it is today though it did

have some elements of danger I strongly feel that if given SOME or ANY support I could have eked out some kind of life there. I really did not want to come back to the Pacific Northwest.

Now, I live a pretty bleak & lonely existence trying like Hell to figure out how to improve my life.

I do reach out to agencies but sadly I’ve been disappointed because these places make promises & those promises often fall through. It’s happened time & time again too! Even the local Worksource agencies run by the state. Most of the time when I talk with an employment specialist it seems like that they’re sleep walking through their job. Lackadaisical is the perfect word for most of them & I’ve been diligently trying for a lot of years. I’m at the point I will no longer waste any time with them.

Spike is doing well.

Now I hope the same can happen for me if I can have even 1/4 of what she has I’d be a happy camper.

Back In My Day Addicts Had A Dope House To Do Their Sh*t! Common Knowledge.